I like to think that evil video game publishers meet once a month to discuss different possibilities on how to ruin fun. One brilliant idea they came up with is free-to-play, a concept where consumers don’t pay for the game up front, but have the ability to purchase items in-game. It sounds all hunky-dory, but when they mess with my favorite franchises like The Sims, I tend to get a little PMSy. Check out the review of The Sims FreePlay after the break!
Much like other free-to-play games, content for The Sims FreePlay is extremely limited in the beginning. That feeling of freedom you get while playing other sim games has been stripped away. One thing you’ll notice when you begin a new game is how much EA holds your hand. I’ll show you what I mean.
First of all, I’d like to say how extremely disappointed I am with my own creation. I tried so very hard to make the scariest clown rapist, but he just looks so darn goofy! Second, all the crazy things you could do with the PC versions (like making a decent scary clown rapist) aren’t available. I’m talking irregular skin tones, weight management, and dirty clothing to name a few missing features.
Oh, wow. That’s…that’s actually creepier than I thought. Like, I-just-got-chills-down-my-spine creepy. I lost my train of thought so by the time I finish this sentence, I hope to be back on track. Alright, I’m solid. Let’s talk about the housing aspect.
Remember the hand-holding I was talking about earlier? EA makes it a point to not only provide you with your character’s first house fully furnished but to painfully take you through steps on how to play the game. Say you want to make a slaughterhouse full of fire places and no doors. Unfortunately, you have to play by the big boys rules way before you can do any of that — which I might add is impossible to do. Wait, what is that clown doing?
There are no words.
HOLY SHIT. Why is she sitting there not paying attention to the clown rapist outside her window? Didn’t she read the flyer on the mail box? Stop day dreaming, Susan!
WHAT?! Sims can walk into any house they desire to?! Oh nice. You picked a great time to take a nap, Susan. Well, this review has taken a turn for the worst. All stupid rape jokes aside, I had more fun trying to take compromising pictures of horribly made sims than playing the game itself. Not being able to speed up time, dealing with a limited character creator, and not playing with the freedom I’m used to makes The Sims FreePlay more like a chore than a fun simulator.