FEZ PLAY: Metro: Last Light (Xbox 360) – Danger In The Subway

Posted by on May 13, 2013 at 9:05 am
I thank the L-o-ord each day... for the Apocalypse!

I thank the L-o-ord each day… for the Apocalypse!

The sequel to 2010’s Metro 2033 is here and if you never played that game, don’t feel frightened of picking up Metro: Last Light. While Rob cranks away on a review, Kelly and N step into the post-apocalyptic tunnels of Moscow’s subway to deal with scary-looking men, dark ones, and a complete absence of light. Join us for the creep show!

Part I

The place was a mess. Papers scattered, cupboards collapsing, desks cluttered with mounds of dust and dirt. As the door swung open, a bright blade of light sliced into the firehouse’s darkness. The FleshEatingZipper crew stepped in and took a whiff of the stale air.

“It’s a fixer-upper.” Keith said. Kelly coughed.

“It was your idea to re-locate to New York and set up shop in the old Ghostbusters firehouse, so I guess we’re in it for the long haul now!” N said. They explored the space, knocking piles of garbage to the floor.

“Yeah, we’re gonna be hiring someone to take care of this.” Kelly said, burying himself in his phone. He googled cleaner services in the Manhattan area, sorting them by reputation. “Okay, so there’s these guys-”

“Hey, I think I found the piss corner!” Rob said.

“The what?” Keith said.

“Like, seriously, like, a million bums used this corner of the garage to piss into.” They marched to the corner where the aroma became unbearable.

“Why didn’t they just piss into the drain over here?” N said, pointing out a drain five feet away.

“I don’t know, bums are stupid.” Rob said.

“Well guys, we always wanted to be heroes,” Johnny said, flipping the breakers, the old house’s halogen lights flickering to life, “but I guess we’ll settle for Ghostbuster cosplayers.”

Everyone agreed with this.

By the end of the week, Rasputin’s devilish grin was hanging outside, bright for all to see. FleshEatingZipper was in business.

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