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Amazon Announces Tablet Announcement Announcement

Posted by on September 23, 2011 at 6:57 pm

AMAZON SEEKS TO RULE TABLET UNIVERSE BY SHIFTING PARADIGMS, CHANGING HOW YOU THINK AND DO THINGS
Also, because they can.

SEATTLE, AMAZON HEADQUARTERS (HQ), Sep 23, 2011 (FEZWEB)

Amazon.com, Inc. (NASDAQ:AMZN) announced today its announcement in respect to its highly-rumored, previously unconfirmed, and possibly non-existent new tablet. The titanic internet e-tailer, vendor of all things has nothing official to say, but will vaguely respond to various rumors about the device’s (or devices’) features. Media: please ignore the Amazon-branded pre-release tablets we sent you for review purposes (pictured above in reference shot).

First, we want to address the fact that it is (or isn’t) running Android. It is(n’t)! More specifically, it’s going to be running 2.2 Froyo, which is obviously not meant for the tablet world and we know you know. Bear with us, we’ve got a cool skin that’ll help you forget that a little. We also plan, maybe, to feature ‘deep integration’ with our revolutionary Cloud Services for music and storage and our Kindle thing. No, it’s way better than the apps we’ve already produced. Seriously, way better. We did this thing right.

So what does a Froyo-based tablet in possible 7″ and 10″ sizes mean in Q4 2011? Not much, unless your name is Amazon.com, of course! People are all super giddy about it, but even our finest marketers realize that no one would ever buy this thing unless we set it at $250 or less. We predict either complete dominance with this price point (a la, other disastrous efforts) or complete apathy as we introduce another set of slightly-thought about tablets into a crowded, technologically stagnant space.

So, we look forward to actually announcing our tablet, potentially free of any innovative features running on a rickety version of Android on rickety hardware. For $250, you can’t really complain. To be fair, we would’ve released this thing a year ago, but we thought Barnes & Noble was being cute with its Nook Color tablet and decided it would be pretty cool to let them swim around in the pool before we drain it from under them.

Anyway, stay tuned for it! Whatever it may be!

Source: Engadget

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