2011 In Movies: The Best, The Worst, And The Meh

Losers:

The Mechanic
Rob’s original review

Hey guys! It’s a Jason Statham action film in which Jason Statham in an action film plays Jason Statham in an action film. Another Millennium films disaster.

I Am Number Four
My original review 

Alex Pettyfer, who plays the dull hero of this cheesy sci-fi film, has a tattoo above his crotch that says “Thank You’. No, Alex, we don’t need to thank you for anything.

Paul
My original review

Let’s take a road trip movie, add some Comic-Con nerds (for all those science fiction references you’re gonna need to make), throw in a live alien (for all those science fiction ref- wait a minute…), then subtract almost all of the imagination.

Paranormal Activity 3
My original review

Novel tweaks on a homegrown horror formula that’s becoming increasingly stale.

Cowboys & Aliens
My original review

I wanted to love Jon Favreau’s (director, Iron Man) new effort, but this Western/Science-fiction hybrid won’t satisfy fans of either genre.

The Hangover, Part 2
Our original review

Hey guys, remember that super-overhyped and only slightly funny movie about the drunk misadventures of a couple of friends in Vegas that made a trillion zillion dollars? Let’s make that exact same film in a grungier, obviously more expensive production. Fantastic idea! Here’s another trillion zillion dollars.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
My original review

A slasher film in which the inbred hillbillies are the victims and the dorky college kids are the murderers? This film got a lot of cred on the festival circuit, but it runs out of gas before the goal line.

Battle: Los Angeles
My original review

It’s Transformers without the robots and all of the stupid.

The Thing
My original review

Better idea: watch the original, then spend all night dreaming of Mary Winstead.

Bad Teacher
My original review

I don’t want to see Cameron Diaz on screen when she’s giggly and jubilant; seeing her rail on kids and adults alike isn’t any better. There is no tongue-in-cheek or ironic appreciation here.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon
My original review 

BANG WOOM FOOSH CRASH BOOM ZIIIIIIIP BAM (Shia Labeouf on screen being a whiny brat) BOOM BOOM FOOSH BAM ROCK CRASH

Red State
My original review

This movie is the absolute worst thing I’ve seen this year. Kevin takes his masterful use of lengthy, Tarantino-esque monologue, then suppresses us with it during insane rambles from a Fred Phelps-ish preacher. Then he subjects us to action sequences he’s clearly not equipped to handle before writing the whole thing off with a dreadful, slapdash finale. Skip at all costs.