Yeah, so…I went in to prep for the review of Green Lantern in a state I’ll call “cautiously optimistic”. As I’ve said before, I’m not a reader of comics and I’m still on the fence about the whole super hero movie thing. I am, however, a fan of Ryan Reynolds (even though he doesn’t like video games) because I find him to be a very flexible actor and I appreciate someone who can tackle diverse and disparate roles.
As the opening sequence rolled, I wondered what I’d gotten myself in to and prepared for a long evening.
Well, the movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, it followed the same tired-ass formula all the rest of the superhero movies follow…It goes a little something like this:
Dude is a normal, every-day screw up who can’t make it through life without being a noob (Spiderman, Green Lantern, Greatest American Hero, The Hulk, Kick-ass, Fantastic 4, Iron Man etc…)
Something happens to make the dude “super” (Spider bite, finds a ring, finds the super-suit, gets irradiated, gets metal plates and neurological damage, get irradiated, builds heart generator / super-armor – respectively)
The dude has to learn how to use his super-ness and makes a jackass of himself in the process (Web-swing into wall, training on the other planet, can’t find the manual, doesn’t understand what’s happened, can’t get the robot to stop fire-extinguishing him, etc…)
Super-dude figures out his power because of butthurt and proceeds to kick everyone’s ass (Uncle got killed, love-interest threatened, love-interest threatened, love-interest threatened, love-interest threatened, planet threatened, etc…)
Dude gets his ass kicked by seemingly unstoppable enemy (I shouldn’t even have to remind you on this one)
The fate of the world is in the balance
Super-guy finds his sack and, in an incredibly anti-climactic end-sequence, proceeds to lay out a smörgåsbord of beat-ass for his enemy to feast on. The ending confrontation usually lasts about 5 minutes or so and goes like this;
Super guy takes the lead by a nose, bad guy slaps the piss out of him, super guy gets bright idea, bad guy falls for the trap but in a way that lends a HINT of suspense, super guy springs trap, bad guy eats a double helping of nut-kick surprise, super guy makes bad one-liner, cut to super-guy kissing the broad, roll end credits.
Yep. That was about it.
Fortunately for Green Lantern, it had Ryan Reynolds in it. I still hate him for thinking video games are for losers but I still like him as an actor because he makes me giggle with his silly faces and comic delivery. It’s pretty hard to make me giggle so anyone who does gets bonus points.
All in all it wasn’t a bad film, as super-hero flicks go. I’ve seen better, I’ve seen MUCH worse (The Batman movie with Mr. Freeze, for example). If you’re in to super-hero movies and are numb to the formulaic approach and linear plot lines then, by all means, give this one a look. If you’re tired of watching the same old movie, over and over again, with different cast and character names, give this one a pass.
Unless you like the video-game hating Canadian…
Also, Blake Lively…mmmmmmmmm…
And there you have it, folks. Green Lantern. Shockingly average but worth a peek.