What Is Chris Brown’s Problem?

Posted by on October 2, 2011 at 9:15 am

I can’t stand celebrities. No, I’m not talking about Bruce Boxleitner or Max Brooks, I’m talking about Kardashian’s or the Spearses or the Lohan’s. All of this is a lie, of course, because I read The Superficial almost every day and there’s something so addictive about watching these people, through personality flaws, awful parenting, or purely appalling advice from their entourage, melt down so perfectly in such an incredibly public fashion. There is no greater a tragedy of the past few years than Chris Brown, who somehow wins the hearts and affection of so many stupid people despite his violently arrogant personality. But, why can’t he use some of this to his advantage rather than his detriment?

I’m not really here to talk about when he beat up Rihanna (which was stupid, stupid, stupid) or his walkouts from morning shows because he’s an chauvinistic idiot. He can have all those. Let’s propose Chris Brown is gay. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, all of the gay people I know have are fantastic people, and while all of this comes allegedly because of some “leaked DMs” from some dude on Twitter, we’re all ignoring the $64,000 question:

If he’s gay, why doesn’t he take advantage of it?

Let’s be fair, his respectability can go nowhere but up. A gay man beat the crap out of Rihanna? Okay, that’s starting to make a little bit of sense. Have you seen his action movies? Like Takers? They’re damn awful! But what if Gay Chris Brown were an action star? What if James Bond were kinda black, didn’t act well at all, and was more interested in the greasy-haired French bartender than the dame bombshell? This sounds like a job for a comic book, but let’s be honest here: how many gay action stars do we have to look up to? We don’t. Now, I’m not getting all affirmative action-y about this kinda stuff, but I think there’s a bright future to be had here if Chris Brown, who very well might not be gay, was gay, and leveraged it successfully.

Go for it Chris, we’re kinda behind you!

Source: The Superficial

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