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‘Breaking Dawn’ Causes Seizures, Still Can’t Convince People To Stop Watching ‘Twilight’

Posted by on November 25, 2011 at 12:29 pm

If you’re young and a girl, you’ve probably been nagging and screeching to see the new ‘Twilight’ film like a phantom. The latest in the Twilight saga, Breaking Dawn: Part 1, isn’t slated to break any records, but it’s got a lot of people up in a tizzy as it’s the second to last flick based on the books. Like Harry Potter, Summit Entertainment (which has made bank on the series) decided to split the last of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight books in half, which will net them hundreds of millions of dollars in the long run. All of this is front-loaded traffic of course, meaning that many will stream into theaters in the first weekend in a fury and then stomp out, leaving most showings empty for the rest of its run. These ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 1’ fans are discovering something else magical about the film that isn’t related to vampires or werewolves: its ability to effectively induce seizures.

Obviously, Twilight isn’t for our manly little organization here at FleshEatingZipper, so there’s obviously no possible way ever we can verify these claims, but the climax of the film involves the dramatic birth of Bella and Edward’s vampire/human child. (I swear, I’m just using Wikipedia to research this!) The rotisserie of lights and flashing colors is causing people to lock up and convulse in their seats. People, if there could be a more stern warning about avoiding these films, like the chemicals inside your brain getting excited in such a fashion to force a temporary, uncontrollable paralysis, this is it. Like Pokemon on Japanese televisions fifteen years ago, it’s a sign we need to back down and find new hobbies, better ways to pass the time (that Pokemon went on to be more successful than ever is completely irrelevant).

Don’t be a victim, just avoid Twilight. Your mind will thank you.

Source: ABC News

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