Playboy Out Of The Way, Lindsay Lohan Needs To Stop Doing Anything, Everything

Posted by on December 8, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Let’s get on the same page here: looking at the leaked cover for the newest edition of Playboy, I can’t help but think they could’ve done just as well just painting Lindsay to canvas, rather than starting with a real photo and working backwards through the wonder of technology. While mag cover photoshoppery (or “air brushing” as it was once known) is nothing new, and is in fact quite expected, it’s not hard to see the metaphor here. Lindsay Lohan would simply be better off as the product of our mind’s eye, a construct of her potential, rather than what she actually is.

I’m no Fish, so I don’t need to elaborate on the vivid recent history of Miss Lohan, or Lindsay, or Lindsay(TM), but it’s been a spike of “ups” and a desert of downs. When she gets down, she surveys the floor for handles so she can go even lower. From drugs and sex to bad relationships, weird lesbians, and a horrible mother figure, it’s as if she’s chained herself to failure itself. A porn shoot wouldn’t even hire her these days. The tragedy behind Lindsay Lohan is that there’s a lot of potential underneath her shallow, misshapen facade.

Famously, Robert Downey Jr. has spent the past decade clawing his way up from debilitating drug use to incredible success story. Lindsay has the chops, but she’s doing everything in her power to convince people not to employ her. Quentin Tarantino once expressed interest in bringing her on to one of his projects and turning her career around, but none of the rumors and articles point to her being within a thousand miles of his new project Django Unchained. It’s a shame that her most recent peak came in the form of a recurring role on Ugly Betty, which was subsequently cancelled.


I just wonder how much lower Lindsay has to go to truly bottom out and hopefully regain some rational sensibilities. While it seems the rest of the world is against her, I’d really like to see her shine.

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