Before the lashing begins: I love Andrew Stanton, the director of this long in utero film. John Carter is a legendary property that’s passed through multiple directors over the decades. Stanton, for those not in the know, is the Pixar wizard who brought us Finding Nemo and Wall-E. Fellow alum Brad Bird graduated to live action filmmaking recently and ended up with Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, which was a great action flick, so how does Stanton do with John Carter, due out this Friday? Well, not good, if this “promo” video is any indication (included after the break!).
Ever since the first trailer for John Carter was released to the internetwork, I have had absolutely no desire to see the film. It’s a grotesquerie of special effects and people I don’t care about at all. Our title character is an unshaven Abercrombie model with a Batman growl and he’s supposed to be the guy we ultimately fall in love with. Whatever. In their attempt to prod us for some attention ahead of its big, expensive release, Disney has released the first ten minutes of the film and instead of endearing me to the prospect of purchasing a ticket and sitting a dark room with a bunch of strangers to see it, it has instead set me further back on my already-negative opinion. While I have no doubt the film transitions straight to the fantastical world of Mars right after the cut-off below, what we see isn’t promising. This is, so far, an awkward version of Cowboys & Aliens, which was already an awkward film.
Judge for yourself, but there is absolutely no element of John Carter that summons a reason for it to exist or justify its massive… holy crap, Disney spent $250 million on this film?
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS ON THIS PIECE OF…