Kill Speed Review – Direct-to-DVD Dreck

Posted by on June 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I worked really hard to sift out the good parts of this film. For example: Tom Arnold dies in the first five minutes by fiery explosion. Kill Speed explores a new realm of dudebro-ism with, as the film calls them, “light, experimental aircraft!”, but in reality, they’re just the small prop planes that your fifty-year old uncle is totally yammering on about all the time. Our three “fer real, yo” playas (including a one Nick Carter, former Backstreet Boy) use these lightweight craft to smuggle Mexican drugs across the desert southwest while Robert Patrick acts as the President in three scenes for no reason whatsoever. And then the film keeps going.

As it turns out, the government is after our three heroes so they can track down the head of a major drug operation, but the film is far more interested in showing you our homies’ “lavish, drug-running lifestyle” of hanging out on the beach, having boring parties in airplane hangars, and generally being totally normal peeps, like us. This is intercut between “some serious shit” when a secret agent is sent to Mexico to apprehend this drug lord, but ultimately betrayed and tortured (on DVD, no less!) for his superiors to see. Our ‘bros end up captured when lead bro Strayger (who you may remember in his role as “Older Boy” in Independence Day) gets seduced by an undercover agent. Unfortunately, Nick Carter is killed in a poor After Effects composition.

As it turns out, everyone in this film has some measured skill behind the stick of a small aircraft (and also happens to have access to a small aircraft and a runway to take off from) and we get to see half the film’s budget blown when Strayger gets chased through the concrete canyons of downtown LA (read: we watch stock 3D models get composited onto helicopter footage). And then there’s… you know what? Just don’t watch this film. Kill Speed markets itself as “Fast and the Furious” meets “TOP GUN”, but in reality it’s closer to “2 Fast 2 Furious” meets “Iron Eagle”. The film is an awful example of what you could be doing with your time. The film gets three points for including Robert Patrick.

3/10 FleshEatingZipper

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