scissors

Avril Lavigne To Marry Chad Kroeger: 2002’s Coolest Headline

Posted by on August 22, 2012 at 9:12 am

This is the coolest thing that didn’t happen for a long time!

Do you remember Avril Lavigne? Sk8r Boi? Yeah, that was a thing. Well, she’s getting married to the lead singer of the worst band in existence. Literally, they have some kind of metric that they grade these things by and they simply won the most loser points. The last time that I remember being interested in either of these people was right around college, but these two have realized there is little more they can accomplish in life… except each other.

So who was I into in 2002?

Not Avril Lavigne. I said ‘see you later, girl’.

Not Nickelback. Someone presented “Leader of Men” to me before they got big. A classmate wanted to hear “This Is How You Remind Me”, so I downloaded it off Napster and brought it on my PocketPC, only to show off how cool and tech-y I was. The rest is so dreadfully bland. Speaking of which, have you noticed Train’s downward trajectory? They were actually voted the worst band to originate from San Francisco by San Franciscans (cruel!) and they went from the yuppy “Drops of Jupiter” to whatever pop garbage they’re doing now.

Michelle Branch. Underrated with a crisp voice and acoustic sensibilities. I snapped up her second album, Hotel Paper, on the first day, ready for more of her twangy sweet goodness. Avast! Before I could complete my celebrity crush, she marries her drummer and has a kid. Bum. Mer.

Nine Inch Nails. I don’t know why I’m putting this here, but I totally got into NIN during the Xbox era because, well, someone made a cool Xbox video montage against “The Perfect Drug”. Also: my opinion of The Fragile-era and further is higher than his earlier work, so there.

Aphex Twin. More noise than music, but weird, yo. Thank you for that, Newgrounds. That’s all your fault.

Uh, I had a point in there somewhere.

Don't Keep This a
Secret, Share It