So…the Angry Birds phenomenon is wreaking havoc across the globe. I have people from all over the world on my various messenger lists who regularly comment about this brilliant little piece of software. Everything from admitting how addicted they are to casting eternal curses upon the creators. The comments are everywhere
If you haven’t at least heard of Angry Birds, yet, you’ve either just stepped out of a time machine from 1932 or you’ve been living in a radical religious dictatorship which doesn’t allow people to play games on their cell-phones…or use deodorant. It’s taken the world by storm and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down.
So for those of you who just stepped out of the way-back machine, Angry Birds is a game about birds…angry birds…who are angry…REALLY angry…at some pigs. It seems these pigs took it upon themselves to shanghai the birds’ eggs and, naturally, this pissed off our fine feathered friends.
They cried fowl…
Yeah, I know. Lame fucking joke. Trust me, you’ll get over it.
So now the birds are angry and it’s time to take action, which comes in the form of various winged avengers sling-shotting themselves (ok, you’re the one controlling the slingshot) at various makeshift structures in which the little porkchops are hiding, attempting to make the little piggies into sweet, sweet bacon sandwiches by either colliding with them or making the structure fall on them.
Sounds pretty basic?
It’s like CRACK…laced with heroin…mixed with crystal meffs.
Yeah. It’s that addictive.
So you get points for killing the piggies, points for breaking objects, points for finding golden eggs (which also gets you access to special levels) and then access to even MORE special levels if you manage to get a 3 star rating on every level (not very easy to accomplish).
Filled with silly sounds, laughing pigs and boxes of TNT, Angry Birds will take over your life. In a few week’s time you’ll quit your job and sell your kids for food money just to get a little bit more time to play.
Again, that should say four hundred and ninety-nine dollars. I think the price crashed Microsoft’s WiFi.
Ok it’s over. Can someone wheel me out?
My stomach is turning a bit at the idea of another multiplayer shooter, mechs or not. Looks better than Dust 514 though.
That should say 9 in the U.S.
Xbox One will launch in November at 9 in the U.S. The crowd’s reaction can only be described as “incredulous.”
I don’t know what Halo game they just unveiled.
Halo enhanced by cloud computing. Plus 60 FPS.
Desert man, he’s a desert maaaan…
5 brand new studios.
Laptop died, that’s cool. Battlefield 4 looks sick and super scripted.
Battlefield demo… if you were wondering if Xbox One would have exploding red barrels, wonder no more…
Battlefield demo. They’re on a ship that’s sinking. I think I just saw Jack and Rose…
Sound issue solved. I think someone forgot to plug in the optical cable.
BF4 sound was out, now back on!
“Massive vehicular warfare”
Battlefield 4 now. All in-game and crap. No sound.
Witcher 3. Free roaming. Vast worlds. Even more medieval booty…
One Inception blare FTW.
I love it when developers offer content as a feature of their games. More devs need to get on board with this.. Witcher 3 stating over 100 hours of gameplay.
Witcher 3. We’ll be seeing this on Thursday!
My butt hurts…
I wish I could just leak to you what these people are being prompted to say in a timely manner before they say it.
Xbox One exclusive!
Eh, Smart Glass functionality.
OK…Sledge-saw. I can get with that.
Game looks good, though. Little frame-y at times, though.
The localization of the bullet impacts in the demo if DR3 is not great. Hope they work that out.
Floor seats at this conference are for chumps.
Doing the sound effects for the dragon game = highlight so far…
Dead Rising 3: Hopefully Not A Piece Of Shit.
Silent play of new dragon game, no audio, everyone’s just making sounds.
The crowd is making the sound effects for this demo due to failure of the audio system. That’s quality entertainment.
Am I the only one whos watching the teleprompter
Moving away from Microsoft Points. FINALLY.
No more MS points? Hot!
Yay Twitch streaming! #DontCare
Twitch integration? Sounds cool but now every 12 year old who can fling a mother insult will be broadcasting
Nice particle physics in KI Ultra. That shows off the power of the graphics pipeline. Good stuff.
A year later and Microsoft is still struggling to make Smartglass look cool and relevant.
Hint: community manager wasn’t actually fighting.
She’s got a wired Xbox One controller. I don’t know if that’s for charging or what.
We’ve been taking a shot every time a presenter says the word “experiences.” Almost drunk…
Marc Whitten is here to show us how Xbox Live is changing.
I have no idea what to think of this Project Spark thing. Show me some Project Gotham or Fallout, you jerks.
This presentation is teleprompted, which leads me to believe it’s cinematic and not live. This is annoying because, to be honest, the fact that the guy has a controller in his hand is blatant deception.
Project Spark is a create-your-own game-a-thing that uses Smart Glass. Hmm.
Project Spark sounds like Little Big Planet. My kids will be thrilled. Kinect-powered BTW.
Swery65 making an episodic game, haha, omg.
Quantum Break – I don’t know what to think. Time Paradox?
This looks so much more dramatic than any Sony game. Take that, David Cage!
Lady is dying, her Windows Phone flying out of her hand. Jack is an agent walking through an explosiion in progress.
TV/game tie-in. I don’t know, Sam…
Quantum Break! AOMZOGMGZMGOZGM! Sam Lake is on stage!!!
I’ll keep my Minecraft on PC, thanks!
You can’t say you’re an advocate of the small guy and then tout Minecraft. C’mon now.
Phil Harrison is the indie developer advocate!
Seeing Phil Harrison selling Xbox One is still weird.
I saw an Aventador and an Agera, so I’m there first day.
This game looks super good, guys.
Talking about you “Divatar.” Am I understanding correctly that Forza 5 basically just plays by itself? What does it need me for then?
I want to come home and find my Drivatar has never placed first in weeks while I’ve been out :(
I don’t know if I want my console playing games while I’m not home.
Reflections onto the inside the windshield is so hot.
They’re bringing Drivatars, but they’re cloud-based now.
Johnny…If you don’t stop looking at the teleprompters I’m going to hammer fist you in the pills again!
Another Teleprompter observation… you really notice the hyperbole when you read it.
They’ve transcended resolution and poly counts.
Nice McLaren P1 coming out of the floor.
Car rising out of the stage. Smoke, lights, cheering…
They’re bringing up a McLaren right now on stage. That is sexy.
it can be Forza time now pleez?
Modern curvy architecture, MCLaren’s plant. Forza Motorsport 5?
Sunset Overdrive looks fun as hell…
This game looks amazing, like Borderlands meets Jet Set Radio Future. FUCK YES.
We’ll be counting how many times we hear “Traversal Driven” this week.
Traversal driven… sure to be this week’s buzzword.
Ted Price flips to Xbox One exclusivity with Sunset Overdrive! Game can change dynamically day to day.
Mad cheers. Peeps been wanting this since Rare was acquired a decade ago.
I truly hope devs and publishers are able to realize that pretty graphics does not equate to good game. It’s about the content and the gameplay folks. That’s why Notch made a quarter of a billion dollars with a poorly programmed game running 8 bit graphics.
Crytek is speaking off-script! Killer Instinct getting a lot of cheers in the crowd.
Nice to see Crytek making a game that doesn’t involve sci-fi exosuits.
It’s really too bad this game is so full of quick time events. It looks really pretty but the complete lack of creativity in gameplay kills it.
Slicing off legs, stabbing more throats.
Spine stabbing is what this game’s about.
Apparently roman soldiers carry 6 foot long javelins in their loincloths.
In the interest of time, haha.
I wonder how dynamic this QTE combat is. It seems like Assassin’s Creed, but with a lot more prompts. Soldiers now in turtle formation.
Ryse demo… if you were wondering if Xbox One could do quick-time events, wonder no longer.
Oh, well…it looks like combat is a series of quicktime events. Interest = lost.
Particle effects are amazing, flaming arrows and that are great. Sandy ground didn’t look great from afar, but up close it’s super sandy. Boat crashing. This seriously looks like CGI, but it’s all real-time. Holy cow.
Ryse – Son of Rome… It looks good. Maybe a little too good. Uncanny Valley, anyone? This is actual gameplay on the screen, too.
Yep, Ryse. Roman soldiers. It’s not Eternal Darkness, but it looks crisp and the animation is really good.
All Xbox One games from this point forward.
New game! New game! I bet this is Ryse?
Time to get a look at the Xbox One titles.
Phil Spencer to show us first-party games, no doubt.
Dark souls II looks interesting. And, more importantly, it made my brain bleed.
Dark Souls 2, yo. The bass is so awesome here. Holy fuck.
Max is a colorful platformer ofr kids. Looks good.
On the other hand, Keith couldn’t understand what the presenter said and he was able to just look at the teleprompters , so there’s that.
They’re spending a billion years on an Xbox 360 game, yo.
Stop looking at the teleprompters, Johnny!
We can see the teleprompters… kinda kills the spontaneity.
Boom goes the tank! Boom goes the tank! Boom goes the tank!
This tank game is really showcasing the sound system in here.
World of tanks coming to Xbox 360
Xbox 360 ain’t dead! Hundreds of games coming! GTAV! What is this crazy new games? World of Tanks coming to Xbox 360!
Two free games per month for Xbox Live Gold Members. Unclear if this is just until the launch of Xbox One, but probably.
New Xbox looks like Xbox One, available today! Xbox Live is changing! Xbox Live gold carries over. Beginning July 1st through Xbox One members will receive two free games per month. so hot!
New 360 form factor revealed. Based on the Xbox One
They said 15 exclusive titles, now they’re saying 13 exclusives. DOWNGRADE. Yusuf Mehdi for xobx 360 announcement, a bigo ne is rumored.
13 next gem titles only on Xbox One.
Back side of arena is projecting their script. Shake hands, it says!
It’s also interesting how you remember that the bass at the Galen center kicks your ass but you don’t really remember how much until it kicks your ass again
Some guy named Don Mattrick on stage. Never heard of him…
Don Mattrick and Hideo Kojima on stage now.
Kojima reveals are sooo weird. I see some aliasing/moire in that fence. last-gen!
Credits rolling like we just watched an incredible Japanese epic. SNAKE IS BACK! it says.
The music, however, makes me want to punch myself in the pills.
Dynamic boob angles and mascara drip.
hmmm…One day AI programmers might realize that people have ears and a gunshot can be heard for a rather long distance.
The graphics are incredible…
Kiefer Sutherland is so dramatic. And dreamy.
The fast-forwarding through action-sequences infers you’ll want to skip most of the game.
Solid Snake has a patch over one eye, yet his guide tells him to use binoculars. Hmm…
Just flipped to real-time, Snake is on a horse in some amazing desert wilderness, being all stealthy and fast-forwarding and shit.
oh lawd, we have horses in MGS
Metal Gear Solid V first unveil. I feel like I’m in that wind-swept canyon.
And there goes the bass. Subwoofers from hell
No cheering! Here we go.
Lights fading… And we’re off…
I think Microsoft is just going ot have everyone announce all their games while we wait. Tame Impala’s “Elephant” now playing.
Johnny is waiting to say “And we’re off” until it starts, because it is running late. Wait for itttttttt…
WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Xbone permanently delayed!
1 minute warning and an hour and 32 minutes left on battery. I’m coming in hot! This seating arrangement is a surefire way to agitate some deep-vein thrombosis.
The suspense is killing me! No wait… I just have a wedgie.
lol @ Rob.
Briefing to begin in 5 minutes. And now I have to go to the bathroom…
5 minute warning just dropped.
Rob is sitting next to a group of publishers. They keep reading over his shoulder.
By the way, everyone remember to thank Kelly for our CMS being a bad-ass. It makes the crappy wifi somewhat bearable.
Rob and Johnny keep getting dropped from the network. They both are running Windows, and I’currently posting from an iPad…hmm
Attention ladies and gentlemen. For the safety of our guests, please avoid stabbing each other in the larynx. Thank you.
Nick’s got some chick all up on his jock. I’m proud of the little guy.
So, Zumba is an Xbone exclusive…in other news I’m losing the feeling in my legs.
Somehow, not a single one of us reinstalled light room after wiping our laptops. Live images will be a little difficult hahaha.
2o mins left…which really means 30 minutes…I hope they’re all squared away for this year.
That’s because you ARE being watched by a Kinect
I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched by a Kinect…
I’m glad we’re at least sitting. Last year we were up front queued for two hours. This year we just stood in a gym for half as long. UPGRADED.
Ahhh, the wonders of the hammer fist
Getting priority seating really just means “Sit longer than everyone else”
WTF!! I dozed off for 2 minutes and Rob hammer-fisted me in the pills!
So far, so standard. Crappy WiFi but at least there’s WiFi. The setup is similar to last year and the whole place is bathed in an eerie green glow.
If Johnny takes a nap I’m hammer fisting him in the pills
T- minus 35 minutes. Maybe I’ll take a quick nap…
Daedalus’ “Fair Weather Friends” is playing. That’s an awesome summer song, yo.
People are slowly filling the arena. We were able to get inside “early”.
Well, I’m spent.
19 days until Microsoft unveils more info, we’ll be there at their conference!
Wait…that’s it? That’s no way to end this!
Okay, so that’s it.
Those dynamic plants! I don’t know, I think we’re reaching a peak in graphical fidelity. But that’s probably what I said when the 360 was unveiled with all those PS2 ports.
I would’ve tkaen another Microsoft game over this double-wide Ghosts presentation.
Tattooed dog…Queue PETA protest.
This “comparison” between last gen’s MW3 and Ghosts is not that groovy.
Haha, dogs with tracking dogs.
All this Call of Duty stuff is fascinating. Dog with tracking dogs on it.
Call of Duty will finally include vaulting and leaning? Welcome to 25,000 BC, Activision.
MoCapped, dog, too…SEE NICK? I TOLD YOU MOCAP IS IMPORTANT!!!
They’re adding a dog to Call of Duty. Wow.
Why is the Call Of Duty series making such a swing towards ‘Murica getting its ass kicked?
These wireframes are not exciting when all the beauty is in the texturing.
Did the CEO of Activision just say he knows his gaming community? Because lawl.
DLC exclusiving yo.
Call of Duty: Ghosts. Show me.
Release date fail
LOL,1 OMG, they’ll be launching later this year? OMG, lol.
This can’t be it. Where’s Ubisoft?
Uh, that’s it. That’s it?
EHRMAGERD FRNTRSY FRTBRLL! *facepalm*
Did he just say “Xbox, over the last 30 years”? Time paradox!!!
Sure sure…reach out and touch the sports crowd. Smart business decision but let’s not make the system sports-centric please.
SPORTS, OH GOD.
Steven Spielberg, like Peter Jackson, like Steven Spielberg before him, ensures that this project is doomed.
Spielberg? Halo? Tell me more!
Halo interactive innovation, blah blah blah. Live-action Halo TV series. Hrm.
The name “Xbox One” is messing with me. My brain scream “devolution” every time they say it.
I really wanted to see another Microsoft game. Now Halo something-something?
Talking about TV again. C’mon. Xbox Entertainment Studios infers some kind of original content.
Hmmmm…Putting a broadcast exec in charge of MS Entertainment? I don’t know…
I wonder if Nancy Tellem is up there because of the recent pro-women flare up after the PS4 unveil.
15 Exclusives in first year, 8 are brand-new franchises. I’m a fan. People were definitely afraid of Xbox’s whittling first-party.
Looked a lot like Alan Wake.
Quantum Break. The game world changes as you play it. It’s like Microsoft’s Beyond Two Souls? Ship crashes into bridge, no doubt it’s real-time.
Oh crap, Remedy Studios doing a game. Oh crap, Oh crap.
Looks kinda like PS4’s Drive Club. Excited about both, but I want more Horizon.
Forza Motorsport 5. Looks like Barcelona. This is real-time footage.
@Baldr in Comments: I know, but this is dumb. SHOW ME STUFF.
Phil Spencer for Microsoft Game Studios.
This EA Sports stuff looks terrible.
Queue dancing baby video
True Player Motion? Sounds like inverse kinematics to me. Welcome to 1990, EA.
This sports stuff babble is completely useless.
Console has HDMI In, which is probably how cable box goes in, which is how it was rumored to be.
Madness? THIS…IS… Well, ok, it’s madness.
Montage with athletes. what is this madness.
Lots of commentary about how confusing Xbox One is, but calling it just “Xbox” would be worse. EA Sports Ignite is the next-gen game engine engine.
Should EA just change their name to EA Sports and get it over with?
Looks like it’ll be FIFA.
hmmmm…REAL MMO’s on a console?
EA coming on stage, probably to show off some… yep, EA Sports.
Persistent worlds in Xbox Live? Hmmm…
Xbox has its own Sharing with editing built-in. Achievements are “dynamic”, whatever that is.
The new live service will have more computing power than all of the world’s computers in 1999. That’s a lot of math.
Xbox Live will have 300,000 servers versus 500 when it started and 15,000 when Xbox 360 came out.
But will the kinect still require you to be playing from the middle of a football field?
HOLY SHIT. Kinect recognizes you and your controller, will load up your game save. Or, it can!
Integrated battery for controller. Okay! Changed D-pad. Sure, okay.
“We’ve taken the world’s biggest controller and made it BIGGER!” lol
Kinect is 1080p camera, looks so much better. Can understand models and movement much better. It can recognize your heartbeat.
@Nick hmmm…they just said it’ll rock 2 gigs per second of data processing… I think bogged down isn’t a problem
Xbox One is Windows kernel plus Xbox gaming OS plus a third in-between. I imagine it’ll get bogged down. Kinect with every hardware.
Three operating systems in this box. Oh snap.
Three huge investments in hardware. Under the hood stuff! Hardware is elegant design. 8GB RAM. Wi-Fi direct, Blu-ray drive, 500GB HDD.
Also, can we install chrome?
Future-proofing the console? Hunh?
@Rob, I bet they do.
I really hope they have the gesture control sorted out.
A good point: he hasn’t used a controller once.
Why are they starting with TV, c’mon. C’mon now! I know htis is something they’ve been aiming for for a while, but seriously. This, however, is the fastest cable box you’ll ever see.
Smart Glass stuff. Sure. Okay.
I do not give a crap about ESPN. Stop showing me this. Show me games.
ROB IS JOINING ME!
Skype on Xbox One. Group video calls through TV.
Squeeze your hands to go home. Console has window snap multi-tasking like Windows 8
Instant switching between apps. Crazy.
Watch TV and it’s TV. It’s live TV? Interactive TV, even. Instant switching.
Xbox One sounds like a phone name.
Xbox On. Metro interface, because duh. Really fast boot.
Xbox One is the name. It’s pretty big. Very interesting cleaved design.
Looks like it’s just called the Xbox. OH WOW. that new controller is bizarre. They shifted up the Guide button.
Oh God, this Xbox looks ugly.
To Keith’s point about the robotic Mattrick marching across the stage: hey man, platform vision.
Xbox wants to harmonize the living room. I believe it.
Mattrick is talking about shifting paradigms. Because duh.
“Today, we look forward.” – Don Mattrick
With Kinect, they did make us the controller, until we unplugged it.
Montage of celebrities! J ALLARD!!!!!! Also, Mattrick talking about the future of gaming.
Here we go. Major Nelson is chatting with Tina, formerly of G4TechTV!
Just got some Mechwarrior Online news. So there’s that.
IS Cody joining me? HE MIGHT!
Remember, Microsoft owns all the designs inside that Xbox 360. Sony is actually copying Microsoft’s strategy in that regard to standard PC-ish hardware.
From Twitter: Will COD: Ghost be cross-platform? I DON’T KNOW!? It seems possible if the new Xbox is as close to the 360 as possible on a software/services basis, it’s incredibly possible.
It sounds odd, but I’d be fine with batteries being built right into the controller. Hassle of managing batteries < Xbox controller eventually dying.
I’m watching Giant Bomb’s commentary live stream, btw. If Microsoft had an embed, that shiz would be here.
I mentioned it on Twitter, but I’ve noticed that the hype for this Xbox event is, like 10x that of Sony’s PS4 dealy. Please don’t cart on a David Cage-like to philosophize and show off disembodied head, plz.
Just got an E3 PR invite e-mail for something not very exciting. Maaaan.
But seriously, announce Quantum Redshift 2 and I’m lining up today.
Just to let you guys know, it’s 84F here in Phoenix. Just FYI.
Who else is ready for the Golden Age of Interactive Entertainment?!?!
Haha, haha… oh man, I just said that.
I’d be fine with a Quantum Redshift 2, yo.
If they don’t reveal a non-sim racing game, there might be murder in this house.
Will we see anything from Rare? Yeah, if Kinect stuff is your deal.
Per our Comments: We’ll see FIFA 2014 in some glorified CG trailer, no Killer Instinct ever. EVAR.
Does anyone care, in the slightest, about a new EA NBA game?
I didn’t used to think a next Xbox would have a Blu-ray player, but I guess so, sure, this generation went on long enough for that to make sense now.
Don Mattrick is in play, a unicorn that usually only rears its horn at E3.
Giant Bomb’s Jeff Gerstmann is showing off a big stage with six panels.
Lots of platform vision and talking points. Everyone is inside the tent.
Here’s what we’re not going to see: developers rolling on stage giving gameplay demos or much of anything else.
It’s actually interesting that despite all we know about this console, we don’t actually know much of anything.
I imagine no test tubes are involved in those “labs”. Or there are…
Sounds like only 250 people are going to be in the big tent. Apparently it’s really wet there. Unlike their conference at E3 last year (or every year, I imagine), it doesn’t look like they’re being queued up for hours outside the venue. They also get a lunch afterward along with afternoon “labs”.
I’m kidding, I’m watching Tweetdeck roll in. I don’t know why I didn’t get invited to Redmond. I’ll cry about it for a while, though. I guess only the Elite got in.
I actually have a non-Xbox article I’m sitting on at the moment, but like you, I don’t give a fuck about anything else.
I bought five games when the Xbox 360 launched. Condemned, PGR3, Perfect Dark Zero (in its beautiful, but completely useless deluxe edition/steelbook), Kameo and… wow, I can’t even remember that last one. PGR3 is the only one I didn’t trade in. PDZ was aaaaaawwwwwfffffuuuuuulllll.
First Xbox games? Halo, then Project Gotham Racing and Air Force Delta Storm. Two of those were winners. Bought Amped a week later. So great.
I actually waited a few months before buying that .99 Xbox DVD Playback Kit, which you needed to watch movies. I kept losing the remote after that. On that same token, I keep losing batteries or cords for my 360’s wireless controllers.
I wrote a lot about my Xbox memories here, but the months leading up to the original Xbox were the most exciting days for me as a gamer pretty much ever.
Journalists at the Xbox event in Redmond are getting umbrellas? What is this crap.
If this is the design language that the next Xbox is using, then color me excited! It’s from the Xbox.com page, don’t get too excited. I mean, get excited, but… I also nearly tipped over some Rice Chex, which would be bad for my office setup.
Well, thanks for joining us, the Spike VGAs were not as insulting as previous years, so maybe you should probably tune in next year. Maybe. Good night!
In my dreams, everything is confetti everywhere.
Tenacious D closing us out.
I think people are just picking whatever the first option is in the polls.
Wow, I didn’t think that would win GOTY. Congrats Telltale!
These girls literally push the guys off stage.
Seriously, they couldn’t raise the microphone, we’re Americans here, we’re not short.
Nope, The Walking Dead. I’m playing through it right now. Kelly is shouting at me how it’s not a game.
We’re up on Game of the Year. Who wins? My dollar is on Dishonored.
Sam Jackson in Black Ops 2, yo. His mouth is so huge!
I wish my browser converted whatever I was typing into the typeface of whatever site I was trying to go to. #HuluPlusAd
Okay, well, the frames don’t drop in action. Looks amazing!
Bioshock Infinite has framerate issues.
I yelled out, Bioshock has been delayed and then the guy was like “heh, there you go!” He totally heard me through the TV & no Bioshock isn’t delayed…
Bioshock Infinite footage, woo!
Ken Levine on stage! Tell us about System Shock 3!
Jennifer Hale: voice star of every female character in Halo 4.
Forward unto Dong, ha. Do we need a trailer for more Spartna Ops? Boring.
…and it goes to… Half-Life 2. Yes, that’s a good choice.
Game of the Decade: I don’t see any Minecraft.
Nothing on the Wii should be nominated for Game of the Decade, lol.
I bet this is a CaptainSparklez joint.
TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT WEEEEEEEEEEE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG!
Fifth time, We Are Young. I hate you, Chevy. I will never buy one of your stupid cars. Ever. You have cursed yourself!
Game of the Decade is coming up, so great. If it’s not Minecraft, they lose.
Character of the Year goes to Claptrap because, of course.
Oh, I guess the Lara Croft “model” is just the actress. They had to scrap all the previous work to get her in, I understand.
Tomb Raider looks so sick.
Lara Croft actress looks like the old school version.
Sam Jackson in Dishonored, yo. Making a ‘What’ reference from Pulp Fiction. Wooo.
Fourth time. WE ARE YOUNG.
Texas Chainsaw 3D looks like a quality thing.
Lara Croft is up next in person!
Gears of War looks intense.
I want a countdown on Zachary Levy until the Gears of War: Judgment trailer appears.
We’ll bang okay?
Hey, it’s that dude again from that show that was cancelled.
Character of the Year, it’s Shepard from Mass Effect 3.
That looked pretty intense. Of course, he has a Halo 4 Battle Rifle. It’s like I’m interacting with the show!
The Tyranny of George Washington, yo.
Been waiting for this!
“I put the ‘high’ in ‘high score’.” – Snoop Lion, 2012
This is the part where we don’t have anything to do with video games. Go Snoop Lion.
Marlon Wayans! Remember him?
Casey Lynch from IGN is having a nerdgasm. These interviews are great. Interview those journalists!
Quibids chick is a cutie! If only she weren’t hocking a cheesy-looking service.
Guys, I’m ragging on some of this stuff, but this is honestly the most sensible VGA show ever. No Jersey Shore cast to be seen.
This is the third time they’ve played that stupid Chevy Sonic ad with the Fun. song, oh man, oh man…
The next-generation Corvette (in camoflauge) to appear as DLC for GT5? That’s a pretty good way for no one to ever see the car, AMIRITE?!?!?!?
Seriously, her blazer thing is made up of all those little hologram verification bits.
Her clothes are really sparkly.
Best Independent Game: Dust, FEZ, Journey, Mark of the Ninja… NO HOTLINE MIAMI?!?!?!!? Winner is: Journey, of course.
Sam Jackson should walk out next with a Battle Rifle, of course.
Castle of Glass is, like, the best song off their new album, though.
Kels thought Medal of Honor: Warfighter was Game of the Year.
OH FUCK LINKIN PARK
I Medal of Honor Warfighter, lol.
Another Character of the Year, that wheelchair dude from Black Ops 2.
This is a commercial that is letterboxed and pillarboxed.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is so old.
Shane Satterfield and Stephen Totilo are being interviewed? What? Shane: APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR AMPED REVIEW.
Harvey Smith to the stage now. APOLOGIZE FOR INVISIBLE WAR!
Best Action Adventure: AC3, Darksiders 2 (nope), Dishonored (maybe), or Sleeping Dogs. And it goes to: Dishonored.
The new Xbox Live poll: Should Jessica Alba take off her clothes? YES
Dark Souls 2 trailer. I wonder when they got popular enough for such a high-end cinematic. Hmmm. Also, Jessica Alba is a terrible actress.
“I wanna see you guys every night…” she says.
OMGAWD JESSICA ALBA!
Another Character of the Year: Claptrap, who will probably win.
PlayStation ad with all those memorable Sony characters.
A Charmin ad? This is also weird.
Movie 43 is such a weird movie.
Jessica Alba is up next! Do you remember her?
Sam Jackson in a Halo 4 skit, amazing.
It looks pretty, though.
Konami has a Castlevania commercial. Yawn.
Last of us, May 7, 2013. I wasn’t even slightly interested in the Uncharted games, but The Last of Us looks amazing.
It’s Revolution: The Game! And it’s the girl who looks like Ellen Page, but isn’t Ellen Page.
I love how they have a countdown for the next segment while this guy is playing a passionate piece. Hilarious, are we so impatient? The Last of Us up now.
Best Character: Connor from AC3, thanking hte develpers, probably written by the developers, too.
Far Cry 3 commercial. That’s what I was playing before this thing started. “Once in a generation experience?” Eh, nah.
I HATE THIS STUPID SONG.
Metro: Last Light? Metro: Last Light.
I think it’d be great if people from Parenthood were hosting awards! I think it’d be touching. This is also a long commercial.
Nick is just a hater because they don’t have anyone from Parenthood presenting any awards…
Did that guy just say “Star Track”?
No, not commercials again.
Hey, it’s that guy from that show that was cancelled.
Sam Jackson hamming it up, I don’t know if I can make it through the whole show at the pace he’s going.
Good, good, Dishonored is a GOTY nominee.
Are they picking the musicians based on their talent or looks, because there be some hotties here.
Video Games Live on our TV, right now. I told the thing I wanted Sam Jackson to be in Minecraft, but people are picking Halo 4. What?
Sam Jackson in The Walking Dead. This skit is getting better.
Yay! A skit with the heads of all gaming companies, with Future Sam Jackson and Master Chief. Future motherfucker. Because of course. And Future Neil Patrick Harris.
Cliffy B, died…
The moral of the story is that commercials are unbelievable. Why are there so many?
Would Deadmau5 listen to his own music everywhere in his house? I doubt it.
Yeah, I doubt you’re transferring videos instantly over NFC.
This lady couldn’t even give the cop the finger. C’mon now.
I want interactive commercials. “How much does this commercial suck?” A lot.
Breaking out the old commercials I see.
WEEE ARREEE YOUNG!
Wolfgang Gartner and Snoop Lion, yo.
Character of the Year? Master Chief. This in-universe thing is a little silly.
The Phantom Pain. Oh. Okay.
Oh, the flaming unicorn. Right.
Military guys are going through this hospital murdering your fellow patients. This trailer is not so great so far.
Some kind of outbreak game I’m guessing.
WHAT IS GOING ON? the trailer says.
You have a big bandage on your head and you’re crawling on the floor.
This looks pretty good, whatever it is. You’re a guy in a hospital bed with a hook for an arm.
Guys, we’re about to see 100% gameplay.
Yeah, Nick, maybe you should watch Parks & Rec.
Here’s a dude from that show.
The microphone must be 4″ feet tall.
Randy Pitchford’s hair has been replaced by a curly oil creature.
Also they slid in that they won best multiplayer.
Randy Pitchford comes on stage to accept award! Now apologize for Duke Nukem Forever.
Borderlands 2 is the winner. Sure.
Best Shooter: Borderlands 2, Black Ops 2, Halo 4, Max Payne 3 … so many numbers!
The scripting is awful, they’re tripping on their lines, woo.
Michonne, Glenn, and Daryl step on stage as Midnight City plays, because of course.
Some of the game parts don’t look that hot. However, I just saw TRON’s MCP as a special attack!
KENNY IS A CHICK, OMGAWD.
You play the silent, brown-haired protagonist. South Park’s Gordon Freeman.
It’s awesome how the South Park game looks exactly like the show!
Kels is on-board, yo. South Park Stick of Truth trailer.
I’m watching this on the Xbox 360, by the way. It’s “interactive”.
Shit shouldn’t be censored on Xbox Live.
Seriously, the censoring is annoying.
HAHA, HE’S GONNA SWEAR ON TV, KEEP THAT BLEEP BUTTON READY!
Are they censoring this shit for real?
Samuel L. Jackson is on stage to host, his fourth time. Pyrotechnics, so on. Playing his schtick.
The audience laughter against this South Park/Hobbit clip is so awkward.
OH MAH GOD M-RATED GAMES! SHIELD YOUR EARS!
Wooo, South Park to open this thang.
I met Daniel Kayser and Cliffy B this year. *toot horn*
Performances by Linkin Park and Tenacious D! Wooo!
Hey everyone! They’re interviewing Geoff Keighley, who says this is an ‘all new VGAs’. My hope is not quite high, but here’s iJustine doing interviews. Great.
You can get faster answers than I can type from Twitter here.
Manitou Springs is back in business. I’m done for the night.
“…to boldly go, where no one has gone before.” Thanks to everyone who read this thing at any point. This was a massive undertaking and I’m glad you may or may not have liked it! Leave your comments below, follow us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter @FEZhq, and be sure to read more content here, on the greatest website ever.
“I am relieved.” Admiral Christopher Pike
“Do what feels right, Spock!”
Spock meets Spock, yo!
Seeing the ship CRACK under pressure? So awesome!
Okay, so, a drop of red matter is supposed to be enough to wipe out a star. Except now that the Jellyfish is compromised that red matter is everywhere, that would be enough of an explosion/black hole to consume, like, the entire solar system.
Kirk gets the crap beat out of him a lot on this film.
I just got to BlueNazzy’s favorite part of the movie, where Nero says ‘Spock!’ and it sounds like ‘fuck!’
“Welcome, Ambassador Spock!” “Huh, that’s weird…”
The semi-mechanical phasers? Pretty cool!
I’m explaining to Kelly, who just woke up, how the Star Trek timeline works.
Kirk now captain, whaaaaat!
Spock is beating the CRAP out of Kirk. So awesome!
“Come with me, cupcake!”
It is time to emotionally compromise Spock!
Admiral Archer’s prized beagle? As in from Star Trek :Enterprise? Hrm? I don’t know.
Scotty! Another non-Scot playing the Scot!
“Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!”
What would’ve been some clunky exposition in some other film, explaining how Spock got here, comes off as super slick and effective. I love it.
Countdown series again: Spock’s ship, the jellyfish, was designed by Geordi LaForge. That’s right.
The SHODAN-esque voice modulation during the mindmeld is fantastic.
Nero is sure messing up this timeline, surely!
The one true link to the original films. Sam had never seen the original films before, only this one. This film now makes more sense to him.
SPOCK IS HERE! SPOCK IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!
ALIENS THAT LOOK LIKE ALIENS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
The dilithium mines of the penal asteroid of Rura Penthe! “There’s always a bigger fish!”
Kirk and Spock yelling at each other is AWESOME.
The AFA is providing two helicopters for Peterson to use. Peterson AFB will have two C-130 air tankers helping on Monday.
So that Countdown series I mentioned earlier? They saw the film and built the story backwards from that, again, integrating a new Data (baed on B4) who is now captain of the Enterprise-E. This explanation is built it. I don’t know what Orci and Kurtzman’s explanation for a lot of this story was without the Countdown series, but, uh, sure.
Spock and Uhura? Sure. Not in the original series, no way that’d happen. Here, sure?
Uhura wants to take advantage of the endangered species.
Spock loses his mom and his home planet quickly.
Spock striking a pose on the teleportation pad. He is obviously weighed down by his emotions, this is something that never becomes visible previously.
It’s amazing how quickly major elements of the plot are revealed.
Back to skydiving, crazy teleportation skills needed!
Red shirt is gone quick out of his own arrogance. There’s a lot of ‘tude here, giving individual officers more choice in their action.. Again, not as uptight.
The replication of hand movements in the special effects shot is awesome, msut’ve taken a lot of copying or tech development. Nonwhere is camera movement this kinetic in any other Trek. I’m glad ILM was able to catch up.
More non-American actors in this film is pretty cool. Simon Pegg, Eric Bana, Karl Urban.
Spock’s ship is thoroughly realized. It’s really amazing.
“Hi Christopher, I’m Nero.”
Enterprise arrives in a huge field of debris, very jarring. I’m just saying this stuff because it totally jars me after seeing the other films. And there’s the Narada.
Kirk is really smart and snappy here.
Kirk trying to resolve the major action of the plot as McCoy is dealing with him is, yeah, it’s awesome. This is so fast. So fast!
Chekov! Anton Yelchin was actually born in the former Soviet Union. Walter Koenig? Born in Chicago. We din’t really get to see Yelchin’s Chekov here.
No slow flight out of space dock here! They’re at Warp Speed super quick! Well, except the Enterprise, because the brakes are on, lawl.
The thing is, if those previous Star Trek films weren’t as conservative as they were, the series wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did, granting Paramount the reasoning to produce this mega-huge reboot. It’s ironic.
I’m still not sold on the “new” Enterprise design, the one that looks like a 50s sci-fi reject? I like that it’s so much larger than previous versions, though.
Spock seems more flexible here.
Star Trek II made it sound like Kirk got an immediate commendation for cheating Kobyashi Maru. Looks like he got a beatdown for it. McCoy likes Spock? Awesome.
This is hilarious. OMG, why were Star Trek films never funny before this. They were for old people, I think.
Major plot points slip right through, about crazy signals and fleets being wiped out. Kobyashi Maru seems like an 8-bit video game compared to Saavik’s version.
Hello again, Nero. Romulans, like Vulcans, live for hundreds of years, so they wait for Spock with an extreme Khan-complex. Also: The special effects are amazing.
Bones’ introduction is awesome. “I may throw up on you.” I love his twang.
More industrial areas as Kirk pulls up on his motorcycle to the shuttle load point, passes off his keys, challenges Pike, slams his head.
Kirk visits the dry docks where they’re building the Enterprise at this moment, on Earth. Previous portrayals were all up in space. So this is a cool twist.
Sam knows every line of this movie. It’s bizarre.
This barfight is kinetic. This would be three fights in any other film spread out over an hour. The humor here is really snappy and modern, something that won’t help in a few years unfortunately.
This new crew is hip. Kirk is hip. Uhura is hip. They’re not up-tight and formal like previous versions.
Uhura in a bar. Not a crazy weird 80s-themed bar from Star Trek III, a real one. A REAL ONE! Jim Kirk is a sleazeball.
The film has a very glossy, stylized look that seems like a new gaming engine. Spock is not satisfied with the grand council’s dissing on his mom. Don’t be messing with Spock’s mom.
Young Spock beats the crap out of a classmate for dissing on his mom. We get a hint of this in previous films, the fact that Amanda is human and Spock is half-human, but not quite like this. J.J. wants to be confrontational.
Here, they speak English, again, slightly upsetting after previous movies were in Vulcan. Same tests as Star Trek IV. That’s cool.
Why is there a huge chasm in Iowa?
Young Kirk drives a stolen car, the thermometer flying upward. This series now firmly grounded in this one. It’s madness, the original movies made no attempt to unite themselves with what we have today, here, right now. It was a siloed universe.
Lots of kinetic handheld camera action here. This film has no patience.
For example: Nero’s ship? Borg-enhanced secret Romulan technology, which allows it to heal itself over time.
The aliens are very alien here, but I guess that’s an advantage of providing a budget that’s 3x larger than the original. I can already feel a breath of fresh air coming over the series watching the Kelvin get pounded.
I was so excited about this movie that I actually went and grabbed the Star Trek: Countdown comic series, something I would normally never do. It provides a ton of, quasi-canon explanation to how this story came about, through some very clever retconing that bridges this film to a period after TNG. We learn about Nero’s background and so forth. Remember, this is an alternate universe where the events of the first ten movies don’t exist.
We’re seeing Nero’s ship emerging from a wormhole, one generated by the collapse of some red matter. On the bridge we have Thor (Chris Hemsworth) before Thor was Thor, playing Kirk’s dad. The scene in which the hull breaches and the woman flies out into silent space… that’s so awesome. Clifton Collins wants the captain of the Kelvin over to his place. Immediately, this movie has varied comic book look. It’s very kinetic here. Everything is industrial here, the ships aren’t grounded by super-curated sets drafted for the ship.
And so we begin, the last stretch of Star Trek madness! This Trek is by an entirely new team. J.J. Abrams directs, Orci and Kurtzman wrote, Giacchino scored. I know Giacchino gets mad props for his score, but honestly, I was pretty disappointed in his score for this film. It didn’t have any Trek-friendly themes, they weren’t very memorable. Also: LENSFLARES EVERYWHERE!
It’s hard to believe it’s been three years since this movie came out. I remember when this reboot was announced and it was slated for a December 2008 release, but then got pushed back out of Star Trek’s usual holiday window into 2009. It’s going to be interesting coming into this film after just departing the originals and see how well the execution matches the ideas brought forth in the original films from 30 years ago.
I’m now 22 hours into the marathon! One last film to go and then we are OUT. Hope you’ve been enjoying them so far, although I’ve been a bit loopy in the past two. Insurrection still sucks, though.
AND THAT’S IT FOR NEMESIS! The film had some problems I was willing to gloss over when I came out of the theater, but sitting here 22 hours into a Star Trek marathon, it’s far less forgivable.
Apparently, B4 becomes a full-blown Data replicant later. I’ll talk about that more in the next film.
Riker to the Titan. We’ll never see those stories unfold in official canon. Think about that.
It doesn’t seem very efficient to me that Earth would have such a compressed spacedock for ships of the Enterprise-E’s size.
GOODBYE DATA, YOU’LL BE MISSED. I remember the trailers came in low res QuickTime. That was cool.
I’m really trying to get that third wind here, guys. This movie belabors itself with battle dramatics and then pins down the entire pacing because of it. This ain’t no Michael Bay film, that’s for sure.
Picard and data doing a staredown. Data sends him back to the Enterprise as HE DIES!
Shinzon is about to GET IT! And here he goes! he just got it. Right there! OH, wait, this isn’t a video game, I had no input. Man.
The Thaleron matrix spindly thing actuallly looks like the diplomatic level when you’re contacting other species in Master of Orion 2. It makes sense.
Shinzon’s ship is getting ready to microwave the Enterprise. Maybe they should… ram it again? Because that worked so well last time?
“Okay, so that ramming thing we did? Yeah, the boys tell me that didn’t do a thing. Barely a scratch.” – Cave Johnson on their stupid maneuver to ram Shinzon’s ship.
This is pretty dumb. Thsi nebula fight is half the movie so far. Maybe not half exactly, but a lot. Too much.
Ugh, they’re going to ram Shinzon’s ship with the Enterprise. Why.
Picard is texting Troi.
Ron Pelrman warps aboard the ship, Shinzon’s ship knocks out the entire fron of the bridge which is nuts. Like they needed a viewscreen, anyway.
The battle damage shots are amazing, guys. Like when that warbird gets carved up and slams into the Enterprise? That’s real physics.
Shinzon’s ship is so powerful. SO POWERFUL!
Picard: <Things that make sense.>
Nemesis is crippled by so many of the series’ own stale conventions to be useful.
The Enterprise is getting ripped up!
Stellar Cartography has been reduced from a big useless semi-spherical room to a poorly rendered slideshow.
The Enterprise is preparing for a war that it won’t fight.
I think it’s cool that they went with a Romulan enemy so we could understand how Romulans came about. I don’t know why the J.J. Abrams film decided to follow that similar vein. Hrm. Shinzon is dying, which is why his face is acquiring more and more makeup. The series at this point is taking so much of itself seriously that it’s madness. Compare this to Star Trek IV, which is a goofy film that allowed people to hop on easily.
This part looks distinctively like CG.
Data and Picard will steal a Scorpion-class attack flyer. Shinzon has all of these resources, but why? It doesn’t make him a better villain.
Hallway gunfight with shades of Star Wars. That’s cool. Oh, wait, not really.
Super Shinzon ship has a perfect cloak, because of course. Data reveals yet another way in which a single person can remain in a precarious situation while their partners beam out. We’ve seen this twice already. TWICE. Teleportation dramatics!
Think about it: there’s a version of Picard that’s evil as hell.
Captain Picard warped mysteriously, spontaneously! Shinzon was lonely. Because he’s a thug. A Reman in surgical garb is kinda weird.
EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF ON-MONITOR GRAPHICS IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE. Who approved the on-screen graphics!
Shinzon trying to get it on with Troi!
Thaleron radiation is bad. Shinzon has it, so… Shinzon bad? That’s what’s going on?
Shinzon has feelings, yo. He just wants to be a gangsta.
Shinzon had it rough on the streets of Remus, y’know? He’s just trying to be hood, yo.
B4 is petting a cat. Adorable.
Shinzon’s staircase seems oddly dangerous the further up the sides you are. “Oh, and here’s a knife with my blood on it. Let me know if you need more blood.”
This is Tom Hardy’s first major role and he was only 25 when he started here. I love Shinzon just for his role here.
We see Shinzon in shadow now, he wears a cool… jacket? Riker moves to Troi’s defense. “May I touch your hair?”
Ron Perlman is in this film, under a ton of makeup, as the vizier to Shinzon. That’s cool. Point to Nemesis.
Shinzon’s ship, a crazy badass of a thing, a superpowerful machine that shouldn’t have been built, like the Defiant, chugs along in the motion graphics.
This camera pan between the two Soongh droids, one they fast-cut through in the trailers? So awesome.
Captain Janeway: You’re the closest ship, you’re awesome at this, go do this thing on Romulus. Now, it’s time for a lesson on Romulans because we haven’t fleshed this out by trading card, yet.
Oh, right, the Warthog/Halo comparisons. Seems easy enough. Worf can only face backward, though. Here’s a leap of faith!
Oh, and I’m on my second Monster. Thank God I bought two. I haven’t had these regularly in five years, I used to drink them too fast and get messed up. This film may be structurally flawed, but it has action, which is perfect for a marathon like this.
“It appears to be a robotic arm.”” “Very astute.”
Of note: I grabbed Michael Piller’s “Fade In”, which was pulled from the internet, but is the unpublished book behind the construction of Star Trek: Insurrection. What a beautiful failure that was.
I was not offended by the dune buggy sequence in this film. I thought the bleached out photography was a crazy turn for the franchise.
“You have the bridge, Mr. Troi.” Haha. Take that Riker. So they’re going down to the planet to Collect Them All, those being the bits of Lore left on the planet. I mean B4, because they somehow forgot about Lore altogether?
Is there an android on Kolaris III? Why are the on-monitor graphics so chuggy and slow?
Why is Worf grumbling about Irving Berlin? Why is he here at all? AGAIN! WHY! Goldsmith does the score and I’m sure he’s tired of it at this point. He passed away not long after this film arrived.
Awww, kissy kissy. Riker <3 Troi. Awww. Guinan’s been married 23 times. Worf not liking the Romulan Ale. More Star Trek references.
Wedding reception where everyone’s joking about themselves and little in-jokes that no one’s going to get.
All dead now. Problem solved. Fade to Captain Picard.
Council doesn’t like Shinzon, Shinzon doesn’t like Romulan council. This device opens and it’s trilithium or something. Everyone’s about to die, I’m saying.
Okay, so this one has an interesting title sequence, with weird text and… it’s just weird. Score by Jerry Goldsmith that’s different and fast. Stuart Baird directs this film. He’s known for his editing work on most anything new these days. We descend into Romulus as some bad stuff is about to go down. This is supposed to be very different than the previous movies and, initially, it does.
Okay, so after Insurrection was rubbish, I saw this with Cody and another friend while we were in college up at the 16th Street Mall in Denver. They had the Romulan seal in vinyl sticker form plastered on the windows. I came out and loved Nemesis, but my feelings have cooled. Let’s see how much further they’ve cooled.
This stupid movie. Stay tuned! Nemesis is next! It’s slightly better!
“I have to go home now.” – Data
Collector sploded. Now we’re back to the marching folksy people.
The Blue Screen Collector: Where something was supposed to be cool, and is not.
Some clever part of the movie where people get beamed to other ships. That’s as amazing as that sounds.
Something about a collector and the So’na and I don’t even whtaever.
DOUGHERTY IS NO OUT. HIS FACE WAS STRETCHED TO DEATH.
So’na and Ba’ku are the same race, guys.
This is the waiting room for uninsuranced medical issues. It’s full.
This is, like, the shortest Star Trek movie and it feels like a million years long. Forever long.
Kid is missing his dog/slug thing. Stupid kid, minus one point. slug/dog thing +1, eh, it evens out.
MANUAL STEERING COLUMN! Using a PC joystick that I had at that exact same time. And Riker’s thing worked. That did it. Good work, Riker. That’s cool.
They’re hiding in caves.
Guys. We really gotta. Eject the warp core. So we stop with the, y’know, tear in space and stuff.
Just had a doze-off moment. Uh-oh. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, MOVIE.
Have you noticed your boobs starting to firm up?
Why are there hummingbirds on this planet. How?
It’s time for that perfect moment in time! Picardis hitting this lady up!
“Haven’t you ever played, just for fun.”
“Androids do not have fun.”
Data is sharing what his life is like not being a kid. This is like an eighties family flick. Point off, Insurrection!
Everyone! If you want to be in this film, just wear what you’d normally do when you go see Arcade Fire.
They’re evacuating the village and there’s transporter inhibitors and…
I don’t even know why they made this movie. Let’s do more Borg stuff.
Riker without beard is too much non-beard.
There are four of those iPad prototype thingies sitting on Picard’s nightstand. What’s he going to be using those for?
This is all a very flimsy morality play. Were they truly incapable of producing a more interesting plot?
Ru’afo: “NO!” *bleeds* That’s pretty cool.
Geordi wanted to see a sunrise. THIS IS SO TOUCHING. I AM MOVED. *scoot*
Geordi has real eyes now!
Admittedly, it would take me 300 years to learn how to swim. Primarily because I’d let others do that. You can swim, I’d say, I’ll stay right over here. On the dry part.
Have you ever experienced a perfect moment in time? Picard perfume, only for the adventurous. OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE.
Picard is the new Data, keep asking questions bruh.
“The moment we pick up a weapon, we become one of them.” Where have I heard this kind of sentiment before? Oh, the whiny kids in Daria.
This movie feels the most like an episode of TNG. I KNOW WHAT METAPHASIC RADIATION IS.
Picard is doing the mambo right now, notices how young he’s becoming.
When does Starfleet command go from Captain straight to Admiral? I was gonna ask this a few movies ago, but I figured it was too nerdy.
DATA IS A FLOTATION DEVICE. PUFF. FLOAT.
Phasers fire and love interest reacts very little. That’s sorta this whole movie, isn’t it?
There’s a holo ship here filled with a replica of the commune. Picard’s love interest is also vaguely cute as hell.
Oh, this lake has a bump. Very ingenious and necessary for this little commune of 600 people.
There are neutrino emissions coming from the lake? THAT MEANS THERE’S A BIRD OF PREY THERE THAT CAN CLOAK.
Kid has a slug thing that’s cute. Okay Insurrection, you get a point back.
Camera starts on picture of an iPad prototype. I wonder who Apple stole it from? Star Trek: Insurrection. I can’t even blame them for hiding this origin. Meanwhile, Data is in a case.
Riker wants to have sex with Troi. I think.
Hippie commune . Hacky sack. I hate this place.
But the HMS Pinafore bit is cool.
Picard keeps leaking out these anecdotes and getting cut off in little incisive and contrived methods to resolve the plot. I thought we ditched this in The Motion PIcture.
“Data has activated his weaponry.” “Activate our anti-weaponry weaponry.” “He has activated his anti-anti weaponry weaponry.”
DOUGHERTY OUT. DOUGHERTY OUT. DOUGHERTY OUT.
Riker and Troi gettin’ it ON! Worf being stupid and showing up for his shift late. Why is Geordi on the bridge, instead of in engineering. Picard can determine imperfections in his ship, that’s cute.
The salon is onboard the ship, even! And here’s Data messing with stuff! I don’t know how it happened, but Data got a shuttle and started wrecking stuff. Is anyone in control of this thing? No? Of course not. Stupid movie.
F. Murray Abraham is getting his face restapled in a beauty salon.
Star Trek nerd in blue wants to talk to Picard. No, it’s just one of his staff. Wants to talk about transducing superfluxers or something. Boring.
WORF IS HERE FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
Picard is being a diplomat, which is his best role, not as action star. But do we need to see this? Does he need to meet the alien grandmothers of the galaxy?
These folksy clothing models were being watched the whole time! And then Data escapes somehow!
Data is out of control! Some invisible shenanigans!
Ugh, I just saw Rick Berman’s name on the screen twice. I want to vomit twice. This all looks like a catalog for something. The Federation is overlooking this whole thing from a mountain resort. All very sneaky!
Okay, what’s with the hippie commune stuff. I’m trying to stay awake here.
I have my last two Snickers Almonds bars with me. Just FYI. F. Murray Abraham is the villain here because he plays villains. He’s the villain in my favorite movie of all time.
Opens with Goldsmith Trek theme, so it must be Goldsmith scoring. Jonathan Frakes is back to direct because First Contact was so good. Quick opening sequence before we’re looking at piles of hay. Kids scurrying about. Yay!
So after a trio of pretty good to really damn good Trek films (VI, Generations, First Contact) I was totally hot for Insurrection. I was checking back to its website often, because it was the first Trek website I had ever been to. This was back when screenshots and concept art were the size of postage stamps. The site lured you in with an inquiry: what is the Briar Patch? No one knew! I was super-psyched about seeing this! We saw this in Colorado Springs at a theater that’s now one of those cheesy colleges during December. My parents saw A Bug’s Life (as they’d already seen Insurrection without us!!!!) and it was my brother and my other friend Jason who came along. Us included, there were only about five people in the theater. Ninety minutes later, I would know why.
I’m actually pretty glad I built in some generous breaks. If I could high five my past self, I’d do it.
Y’know, I gotta do these crazy marathons while I’m young and not dead. Y’know? First you’re young, then you’re dead.
And that’s First Contact! Stay tuned for… sigh… Insurrection.
“I was the Vulcan in First Contact. The one that shook hands with James Cromwell?” Great pickup line.
“I suspect our future is there waiting for us!” Picard says. Except now dinosaurs rule the world!
Lilly has the hots for Zefram!
We’re about to see the titular First Contact! Hrm, some of this CGI has also not aged well.
Snap the Borg Queen’s neck straight off!
How far is truly enough to warp, Riker? Do you really know? What if you don’t warp far enough? I mean, they don’t go that far from Earth.
I wonder how many repairs here are going to be ‘Eh, just put the panels back on the walls and call it a day. The Borg Queen’s organic matter melting is creepy!
Borg Queen vs. Phoenix was tense! “Sweet Jesus” As Cochrane sees the Enterprise. The crew on-board have no idea as to the dangers that await them on the Enterprise!
“You think in such three-dimensional terms!” Borg Queen. I use that as an insult all the time to normal people and I’m hardly a Borg Queen.
Guys, this Phoenix sequence looks exceptionally CGI-ish.
I LIKE TO DREAM-AH! Y-YES YES, RIGHT BETWEEN THE SOUND MACHINE! This is a super edited version. Why are these people standing right next to the rocket as it launches? Do they have super-narrow focus flames in the future for rockets?
This self-destruct sequence was a lot quicker to setup than in Star Trek III, that’s for sure! It blows my mind that that was a difference of 12 years and between First Contact and now is 16 years. That’s just crazy!
Wait, c’mon, it’s only been three quarters of a movie, you can’t blow up your new Enterprise, yet! C’mon!
Aww man! Picard wrecked his plastic ships! I love Patrick Stewart so much as an actor! I told you! I’m telling you again!
Picard’s about to go on his Borg rant. He wants them dead. SUPER DEAD. “THIS FAR, NO FARTHAR!”
“Don’t try to be a great man, just be a man, and let history make its own judgments.” – Zefram Cochrane
“Assimilate this!” Big laughs in theater.
Lumbering Borg Zombies! Picard floating over a gaseous eruption that could send him into deep space? Nah, no danger!
“Don’t fire at the dish, you could blow up half the ship!” Picard then fires at the dish.
I really like this sequence, as they’re trying to knock out the Borg who are building the beacon on the deflector dish. Lieutenant Hawk is messing up too much and they are after him! Blam!
Riker uses a phaser on Zefram. “You told him about the statue?”
Notice in the Zero G sequence that the reflections match some monitors on the set. They built n actual deflector dish set, but it’s only about 80% to scale, if I recall correctly.
STILL NO SUBTLE FORMS OF SEXUALITY HERE.
Hey lady, Data just wants to know how he can get more of this flesh. Just give him the secrets.
We enter the Zero-G sequence. We hear the throbs of the Blaster Beam that we remember from the Motion Picture. Again, great score. Data is getting his first slab of assembled flesh.
“Don’t you people from the 24th century ever pee?”
I went to Zefram Cochrane High School!
Picard and tommy gun! Aww yeah! You may not recall it, but the holodeck didn’t originally have safety protocols, so you could generate a gun and then kill someone with it. Picard intentionally turns them off for Borg killin’!
“The economics of the future are somewhat different.” Except for McCoy, who wants to get to Genesis!
“Borg? Sounds Swedish.”
NO SUBTLE SEXUALITY AT ALL.
Borg Queen assembles, an amazing special effect. I still don’t quite get how they made it.
“It’s my first ray gun.” – Lilly. Can you imagine if the Borg had shut off all the force fields as they’re sitting there? that would be tragic.
Herman Zimmerman has been the production designer in this franchise since The Final Frontier. It was inevitable that his designs started to genericize. I’m looking at the globe and, as a geography nut, hate their view of Australia. Did no one check a map? Papa New Guinea is too close to Australia, New Zealand doesn’t exist, on and on.
We’re seeing how the Borg sausage is getting made and it ain’t pretty. There’s been some subtle vignetting in the past few films.
They’re splashing all these waves of appreciation onto Zefram and he’s just not getting it.
“You’re all astronauts on some kind of… star trek!”
The Borg Queen appears, the closest film has had to an iteration of SHODAN ever.
Data rests in Engineering, his head mounted to one of those disc-based plasma lamps that they started marketing the heck out of after this film released. Lots of fisheye lens angles.
Oh crap, they have Data! Picard kills a man who’s being taken over by the Borg and runs into Lilly!
Uh oh, the wasp nest has been stirred! Borg have adapted to their energy weapons!
Picard, Data, and the crew are on the march! The exposed panels reveal a growing Borg hive, that is creepy. Data deactivates his emotion chip. “Data, there are times I envy you.”
The soundtrack actually comes with Roy Orbison’s Oobie Doobie and Steppenwolf’s Magic Carpet Ride, which you don’t hear much on albums like that, especially ones marked as ‘scores’ instead of ‘soundtracks’.
Riker can’t stop smiling. “This is no time to argue about time, we just don’t have the time!”
So in First Contact, they want to puncture one of the coolant tanks around the warp core, but punctured coolant tanks are what caused the warp core to breach in Generations. Hrm. We’re also seeing Picard’s militaristic and vengeful approach to the Borg surface as he arms and briefs the troops. Riker shows up to corral Troi. Funny that Riker was originally going to be on the Enterprise while Picard was on the planet falling in love. Glad they switched that up.
The holographic doctor from Voyager is here! No fan service involved! (I didn’t fall in love with Voyager, if you haven’t picked it up.)
Frightened woman crawls through Jefferies tubes as the Borg begin their campaign to assimilate the Enterprise-E. I like that the newer films utilize more handheld camerawork.
I love that the movie establishes the Cochrane hero worship early on, a subject they read about in books (or whatever they have in the future, Wrath of Khan says it’s books), but the reality is different!
I think it’s unfortunate that First Contact allowed for more darker films like Insurrection (well, not really, but close) and certainly Nemesis. The seventh season of TNG got progressively darker as well, all on the back of Berman and Braga. This series got generic to a fault after this with shows like Voyager. Also: Data drops down the Phoenix’s silo to take down Lily. “Greetings!” Awesome.
Borg ships detonate in huge green flames. That’s stylish.
We’re in Montana now with Zefram Cochrane! James Cromwell is so awesome here. Seeing this after Babe? Something new.
The sound design is amazing, the little Borg whispers? Awesome. The Borg sphere is about to generate a rip in space-time! Lieutenant Hawk, played by newcomer Neal McDonough in this film, is supposed to be, by canon, gay. I think that’s an interesting twist. I don’t think sexual orientation should be flaunted to be distinguishable because in his position, it’s unnecessary, but it’s a neat little nugget of info. Borg Earth has weird tunnels going through the sea. I don’t get that?
Here from Deep Space 9, it’s Worf! Just in time to reappear for a TNG film from his tour on DS9! This won’t be the last time… The Defiant was always a stupid idea to me. You gave DS9 this stupid, overpowered ship that can cloak and stuff. I can’t stand the idea of it. Ships should be more level. Yeah, I get that the Enterprise-E is super powerful, but it’s not arm and leg above the other vessels in here. like the Defiant is over its contemporaries.
I really like that the Borg got a huge bump in their production as they were the most popular thing out of TNG. I think we hear Picard’s declaration of his violation of orders about ninety times more than we did with Kirk. I don’t blame Picard, but rather the sloppy writers from here on out.
Picard stirs as opera plays. Riker appears and summons Picard out of concentration. While it makes some sense where Picard wouldn’t be at the forefront of a Borg attack on Earth, this is the opposite tack of how they treated Kirk throughout his films. BE THERE AT THE FRONT LINE EVERY SINGLE TIME.
The starship Enterprise-E in a quick reveal. We’re introduced to its true capabilities throughout the film. This is the quickest introduction of an Enterprise, yet. Everyone now has the same uniform, that’s cool. Geordi now has his ocular implants.
The transition from Borg dream to real dream was awesome. And then the spider thing emerges from his cheek? Oh yes. You can tell we’re in for a ride on this thing.
Opening megazoom, an almost unnatural transition here as we zoom away from Picard in the middle of a Borg hive. This part loosk significantly more CGI-ish than I remember.
This is the first Star Trek film to rely on CG ships instead of models and it shows. Lots more flexibility in what they can show and do. Again: gorgeous photography here. I remember the detail in the cast’s faces and being blown away.
This movie has a lot of action and fun interstitial stuff on the Earth of Olde. Jonathan Frakes (Riker) directs and Jerry Goldsmith returns with his score, which might be my favorite of the series. It’s between this and VI. I love the opening theme the most. Seeing these opening title cards come into focus was amazing on the big screen.
So this is the first PG-13 Star Trek film, so I imagine it was a little scary for my mom to take her 10 and 12-year old sons to the theater, in the snowy November, to see this in 1996. We actually sat front row.
Oh, and the Generations transfer seemed just fine, but I couldn’t really take advantage of the resolution at this distance. Right, I couldn’t see the difference.
We’re getting sunlight here in Colorado Springs!
I doubt this will be the last Enterprise as well! Too many more movies to make! And we close out with a Nebula-, Osprey, and Miranda-class vessel warping with Enterprise-D survivors! I knew those classes from the word go because I’m a nerd, yo. Stay tuned, more Star Trek coming soon! Next is First Contact, my second favorite film in the series.
Time isn’t a predator, it’s a companion! That’s right, Picard!
Picard’s fish tank got busted up! Where’s Livingston?
Data and Troi rummage through the wreckage as he explains how he’s controlled his emotions. Then it’s Spot! Aside from being a stupid cat, it’s Spot! Right next to the Hazardous Waste barrel, no less.
Why would Picard just bury Kirk there? Why wouldn’t he share this with Starfleet? With the Earth?
Star Trek VI was a better send-off for Kirk than this was. Generation just took care of the body.
Oh, no, Kirk, please still be alive this time! You’ve just got a little blood, you’re okay, it’s just a little! What do you mean internal bleeding? I’ve never heard of that, c’mon Kirk! You can do it! What do you mean no?
“PICARD!” Says the man who’s about to have his junk WRECKED by the dude.
C’mon Kirk, don’t fall to your death, just get the launcher remote!
Okay, Soran is not a spry dude, there’s no way he should be giving both Kirk AND Picard the business.
“I changed my mind, captain’s prerogative!”
Hang on, so they’re going back in time out of the Nexus, why won’t past Picard run into future Picard? Does it map appearances or something?
Kirk gives up on the Nexus because this one time he jumped over a small rut, he wasn’t scared. It’s all perception, Kirk. Forget those people on the outside! Kirk pulls along side Picard and those horses are INTERACTING. Who knows what they’re thinking?
When you think about it, horses are really just big furry bugs that we used to ride along in. Think about that.
Do you know how annoying it would be to pop into a door and find yourself in a totally different location? That’d be stupid annoying, Nexus! Just FYI!
“I think the galaxy owes me one.” Kirk says. After his outburst at Spock for the ‘voucher’ to escort Gorkon, it makes sense. Kirk is tired of serving.
“Something is missing.” *toast pop*
The writers of Star Trek just put stuff wherever they want. It doesn’t have to make sense. Canon isn’t strictly maintained. Also, I found Kirk’s blowing off of Picard kind of annoying.
So I don’t quite get it, either: when they leave the Nexus/Ribbon, how do they know they’re actually leaving it? How do they know it’s not just another elaborate fantasy? I guess they couldn’t then just hop to another version of the multiverse. Picard sets up wood for Kirk to chop. We’re seeing all kinds of artifacts and locations that we didn’t see in the previous films, like Kirk’s home in Idaho, or his wife. Where did this stuff come from? I don’t know, none of this universe gets tagged together in the same way it does for other universes. I kinda knew it before, but watching this much of Trek history at once, I’m seeing it first-hand.
I shouldn’t feel this tired. C’mon now.
Awww, why would you leave this all behind, Picard? WHY? Blissful ignorance! This Ribbon makes no sense whatsoever.
Picard looks at the ornaments on the tree and sees the stars exploding. DON’T LOOK AT THE ORNAMENTS, INDULGE IN THE FANTASY! Guinan is here and recognizes Picard. She gives an answer, that she’s an echo, and I thought I just didn’t get it as a kid (I was ten when this came out), but now I realize that’s just dumb.
I’ve only been liveblogging for 15 hours, guys. Leave me alone!
Why are you still wearing that ratty Starfleet uniform, Uncle Jean-Luc?
In the future, the French are also British, as French Picard and his children all have British accents. This is the family that didn’t exist!
Soran thrusts his arms into the sky, awaiting his destiny! I find it interesting that the Nexus absorbed Soran just fine, but left everything else around him unscathed? Huh? Now Picard is spinning.
Picard confronts Soran. Picard is not Kirk. Picard does not do well.
Well, they crashed the Enterprise. Good work.
This model of the Enterprise-D’s saucer section skidding through the forest seems like the cheapest special effect in here so far.
So I remember seeing this for the first time and thinking ‘Hey, I remember the evacuation procedure for the saucer section as it crashes to the planet from a trading card. Turns out they had the Enterprise do this very drastic maneuver because they had created that same art asset. I KNEW IT. If you’re going to destroy the Enterprise-D, why wouldn’t you do this?
I’m looking at these scenes on Veridian III where Soran has his rocket set up to blow up the star and I think I’d roast shooting out in there.
Picard has figured out the hole in the force field, Geordi’s warp core starts losing its integrity. I tear up when I see that little girl drop her bear and no one goes back for it.
Generation’s Bird of Prey suffers the same explosive detonation as Chang’s in Star Trek VI. C’mon now. Change it up. Data doing a fist pump got huge laughs in the theater.
Enterprise-D is getting ripped up, yo! We want to see it crack under pressure! When you graduate to the movies, you get a new ship.
The Duras sisters have figured out the Enterprise’s shield frequency. Only bad things can come of this!
LIFE FORMS SONG! Life forms, you tiny life forms, you precious little life forms, where are you? And then Riker’s WTF look? Win. 100% win.
The Manchurian Geordi is now on-board the ship. I like Soran’s monologue here. “There was a time when I wouldn’t hurt a fly. Then the Borg came…”
I’m starting to see the paling sky outside now, we’ll have the sun here soon! Then more forest fire?
Just like the rest of the above-the-line staff, the transport special effects change in each film.
There’s a lot of Klingon cleavage in this movie.
There’s not much science fact in here, but I suppose that’s okay.
I’m entering the 16-hour crunch right now. My left eye is losing its integrity, it closes when I get tired. I can’t control it, it just won’t stay open. It’s getting weaker, maybe it needs more electricity. I should amp it up? I have an extra Monster for the event when I’m starting to ‘bubble’ or start nodding off. Don’t want to do that quite yet.
STELLAR CARTOGARPHY! I love this sequence. Except you can see all the green glow from the screen which was unapologetically kept in the static equipment. It’s not a very useful space, but it looks cool as hell.
Guinan describes the Ribbon, which is a blanket of joy that kills people. That’s awesome. Strange how it also ends up becoming a deus ex machina as well. Soran plays with Geordi’s VISOR for surveillance purposes, just like that TNG episode where he’s abducted by Romulans. Too easy. Too easy.
Soran is an El Aurian, a race nearly wiped out by the Borg. But why the Borg? Why not a terrestrial race? As we know, we didn’t understand the Borg until TNG, anyway.
Riker to Soran “We gotta get out of here!” As if Riker would take Soran along while he’s firing at him.
Level 12 shockwaves are bad, yo. Picard is excellent at delegation. Kirk would hop right in, Picard likes the view from the eagle’s nest.
“Now there will be no more Picards.” And then Amagosa detonates. Because of course.
Here we see an album full of photos of his young nephew who died in a fire, setting him off earlier. He hides the album like a shame. Troi sees right through Picard, being a telepath and all. Red Letter Media (or the Guy With The Glasses, I can’t remember who) made a good point that the movie spends a lot of time giving Picard such distress over a character that was seen in one episode of the show. I think it had more of an effect on me since I didn’t remember that episode. I think it not being a character makes it more tragic than a minor character. Seeing Picard break down reminds me of how much broader an acting range Stewart had over seat-of-his-pants Kirk.
Uh-oh, Soran’s on-board! Why? No one questions him?
This movie is almost twenty years old. Criminy. I never understood why the various officers have inverted color schemes. Geordi has black pauldrons from the traditional TNG uniform while Data’s are gold. Data’s Mr. Tricorder is amazing. The emotional chip is overwhelming him with all those stored moments. Data’s breakdown here is one of his best moments.
I didn’t realize before that you can see Soran’s scars from the La’kul from earlier in the film. Hmmmm.
“I’m looking for Dr. Soran from the observe-a-tree.”
“I hate this! It is revolting!” “More?” “Please.”
My dad always complains about the diminished lighting in Generation’s Enterprise-D over the series, which was rather flat and unemotional. I rather like the blaring yellow glow of Amagosa here.
Data is contemplating his emotion chip, something he received during the two-part episode Descent between TNG’s sixth and seventh seasons, which were some of my favorite shows in the series. This would be the last movie we’d see Geordi with his VISOR, too. I’m such a nerd, by the way.
Picard is moody after receiving news from Earth. Having known him so long in the show, it made sense to relate to his plight, even though we don’t discover it for a little bit. And now we’re on the Amagosa Observatory and we got MALCOLM MCDOWELL!!! THAT’S RIGHT!
We can see very quickly that Data’s ambition to be more illogical, like his predecessor Spock, is more child-like. Interesting juxtaposition.
There’s a lot of goofy humor in this film, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was in The Final Frontier.
I would not want to shoot this scene on a boat. I see it rocking and that’s not cool. Klingons are also cuddly in this era compared the last film.
I don’t remember any of this holodeck stuff when people got promoted in the series! I always thought Worf was a Lieutenant Commander, anyway…
It seems kinda ballsy that they would set The Next Generation 75 years after the original. They must’ve had a lot of faith in the arc-free continuity of the universe. What can be said about the gap between the two eras? Not much, especially not of canon.
BOAT SCENE NOW! 78 years later with the NExt Generation crew. I knew what this meant!
They stare in the vastness of space, only held in by a force field. “Was there anyone in here?” “Aye.”
In a subtle way here, as Ruck is about to hand Kirk command of the Enterprise, we see him conflicted. In Motion Picture, he took command from Decker because he was addicted to controlling the Enterprise. Here, he gives it up. I don’t know if they were thinking about that when they wrote Generations, but it fits. CHARACTERS HAVE DEPTH IN HERE, YO.
Malcolm McDowell (Dr. Tolian Soran) wants to go back to the ribbon, but he can’t! He can’t! So they tranq him. Guinan’s here, too. Gotta tie these series together.
That was the quickest exit from space dock ever. Now we’re hearing the La’kul. Captain Ruck is hesitant and unsure of his command. Ruck tries several things, they just don’t work. As soon as Kirk gets the nod, he snaps into action like good ol’ times.
Here we see the Excelsior-class Enterprise-B for the first time ever! EVER! This movie is hilarious, by the way. Alan Ruck is our fearless, if slightly incompetent captain. This film was truly a baton pass as it’s Next Generation producers, a Next Generation director (David Carson) and a Next Generation composer (Dennis McCarthy) that’s working here. Also: the photography is still awesome. Watching the press interact with the old crew as the Enterprise-B sets sail for a tour of the solar system is clever. Spock was supposed to be here instead of Chekov, but he didn’t approve of the script in time. I think that would cheapen his appearance. I’m not saying this is a bad film, but Spock is a classy figure.
There is a press conference that starts at 9 am, I will be back on before then. Maybe.
A Rick Berman Production. Ugh. Shivers + spine. If I have one complaint, well two, up front, it’s that the typeface they use here isn’t great. Also: MY BOY MALCOLM MCDOWELL IS IN THIS FILM!!!! Oh, and the second complaint? The champagne bottle looks too much like CG.
DON’T FEED ANIMALS, ESPECIALLY LIONS AND BEARS! They are not your friend.
The BD menu is super generic, too. Did Paramount spend putting this together? I hope the transfer isn’t rubbish.
I’m giving myself enough time now to prepare my salad. I won’t be crushing through the opening credits this time getting it done!
If you see a bear wandering down your street, tell them to go home. You do no want them crashing on your couch.
I actually have to give props to KKTV for still broadcasting live. Obviously I’m still up and it’s just me coveting this over here. I need caffeine.
This Blu-ray packaging for the Next Generation films could not be more generic.
Oh, and we’re over half-way through the marathon now! I’m starting to feel a little sluggish and I’ve finished my first Monster. I may need to tackle that second salad here soon…
There is no glow going on right now but it’s not over yet.
We saw this in Bellevue, Nebraska at the Southroads Mall (represent!) and it’s a stupid fun movie. Broke the ‘odd one out’ curse that haunts the franchise. This wasn’t a spectacular tour-de-force, but as I once called it, a “comic book” compared to VI’s “novel”. Seeing the Next Generation crew on the big stage with super elaborate lighting and effects were rad. That and Captain Picard was my hero as a kid. That’s right, bro. Cool and diplomatic Picard was The Man.
It’s over, ladies and gentlemen! Generations is next in 26 minutes! Stay tuned!
This is a great send-off for the original crew. I wish TNG had the same. The animated signatures after this are so awesome.
They just brought this ship out for these guys and they’re already decommissioned, yo.
Kelly blows kiss to Sulu as the Excelsior departs.
“Your father called the future the undiscovered country.” – Kirk, this was supposed to be Star Trek II’s original subtitle, I’m so glad they changed it.
Kirk saves the President! Scotty takes out the assassin! Cartwright takes leave before being held up by Sulu.
I always thought McCoy said “Rock and roll!” when he says “Lock and load” when they load the torpedo.
Excelsior is taking a beating as Chang’s ship is stealthy-shooting them both.
“Gas. Gas, captain.” – Spock
The assassin is making his move, about to take out the President!
I forgot to mention it earlier, but all the literary references in this film are pretty annoying when you notice them. Like you are right now.
Love the empty talk of the President at the Khitomer conference.
This is the epic countdown sequence before they arrive at Khitomer, yo!
Everybody’s human, according to Kirk. “I find that insulting.”
Spock and Kirk mise on old age again, Spock has his robe from IV in here. They kepti t around!
Uhura doesn’t have the thick bands of silver going through her hair this time around. I kinda like that. Looks younger.
The mind-meld sequence here, where Spock exposes the high-level conspirators, is a disappointment. In the original theatrical version, the camera keeps spinning, but here, it flashes to each person as they name them off. I hate that. I wish Meyer hadn’t stuck with that for the final version.
Shatner looks hardened with that five o’clock shadow!
Valeris is outed as the conspirator! “You have to shoot!” Spock says.
Looking at the dead crewman shot in the head. “Yeah, those guys are just making out, sleeping together.” Kelly says.
Killed while trying to escape! “Since you’re going to die anyway, why not tell you, his name is…” *beaming noise* Kirk and Bones never find out!
KIRK IS FIGHTING KIRK! McCoy leans in to examine Iman/Kirk, why?
Pretty convenient firestarter you got there, Martia. HOW DID YOU GET THAT.
The Klingon at the listening post looks like the Klingon on the high council and the same guy who’s Sulu’s science officer on the Excelsior. This whole scene is awesome!
They’re up on the surface of the penal asteroid! It’s cold up here! The dramatic sweep as they pan across the ice shelf is awesome. I remember we rented this from Blockbuster and the colors were super wrecked on the VHS tape.
Morphing technology turns Sasquatch into a little girl. Thank you, 1991!
Crewman Dax arrives after they find the magnetic boots in his locker. His feet are so weird!
Iman is totally hitting up Captain Kirk! This is the first time Kirk gets any action in the films. The last time, too.
We just made a Dickwolves joke.
Kelly has theorized that Iman’s character is a pot smoker that gets raped all the time.
Bubblicious dude is using the Kirk Maneuver by slamming his fists down on Kirk’s shoulders.
Captain Kirk just got thrown into a fire while Bubblicious dude is about to take him down.
We’re here with Iman now, who doesn’t look anywhere near this sexy in real life. Kirk takes a hit of weed.
“That guy looks like a rapist!” “It’s a prison!”
Now on Rura Penthe! This purple Alaska is about to receive a new prisoner!
Spock is polling the bridge crew for suggestions! A cloaked Bird of Prey did it? Who knows!
Our guys are going to Rura Penthe!
The photography here by Hiro Narita is slick, a great addition from the past two films.
“James. Tiberius. Kirk.” That revelation sent us fanboys for a tizzy when Chang unveiled his middle name. Kirk gets caught with his own Captain’s Log. Can you blame him? They killed his son!
Light laughter to Bones’ response. Chang believes he consumed a generous amount of Romulan Ale! IT CAME BACK TO HAUNT THEM!
Watching Chang in action during this trial is so siiiiick! Michael Dorn plays Worf’s Great grand father.
“It’s a damn show trial.”
“In 24 hours, we will agree that this conversation did not take place.” “A lie?” “An omission.” Spock is learning his half-truths again!
Spock, Scotty and them looking for torpedoes. Looks awesome!
Romulans are shifty dudes! This Operation Retrieve portion of the movie wasn’t in theaters, where they’re going to rescue Kirk and crew, they added it in special editions.
“The Chancellor of the High Council is dead!” says the Klingon lawyer from Star Trek IV. Kurtwood Smith is totally the President.
“Don’t let it end this way, Captain.” Gorkon says. The clap that Chang makes afterward always freaked me out.
Kelly: “Nobody’s holding Gorkon anymore.”
Bones: “I said hold him!”
I didn’t realize until a few years ago the badge that Spock places on Kirk’s shoulder. I always remember Kirk mentioning it later and that was it. Never noticed it.
General Chang is not happy about this development! Gorkon is dead and it’s Kirk’s fault!
“She’s spinning out of control.” I don’t know why, but that line has always stayed with me.
“They look like gay Power Rangers.” Kelly says of the assassins.
SHOTS FIRED! Handheld camera action! Gravity being lost! This whole assassination sequence is awesome. The blood effects haven’t aged that well, though.
General Chang looks like “a future Nazi”, says Kelly.
Watching the Klingons struggle with their silverware. “Earth, Hitler 1938.”
“Why does he have an elephant tusk?” Kelly says. BECAUSE HE’S CHANCELLOR GORKON. People used to always ogle the Klingon’s boots on the transport.
Valeris suggests Romulan Ale! This will come back to haunt Kirk during the trial!
There’s a clock above the viewfinder, that’s convenient! “That’s why you like military time, isn’t it, N?!” Because the clock is in 24h format.
Leonard Nimoy actually appeared in The Next Generation for the two-part Unification episode to promote this film. Well, somewhat indirectly. Since I didn’t watch The Original Series (TOS), Kirk and crew were always the “movie” Trek and Picard and crew were always the “TV” Trek.
“I’ve never trusted Klingons, and I never will. I can never forgive them for the death of my boy.” This line is changed slightly when it’s brought to trial for whatever reason.
Valeris is now bringing us out of space dock, reminding the captain of Starfleet regulations. “IS SHE AN ALIEN?” Kelly says, about Valeris.
Kelly: “Are you quoting the movie?” Me: “I’m quoting the movie.”
Kelly is inspired by the Klingon’s massive military budget. He’s chilling with the film for now. Sam left at the end of IV. I can’t blame him. Of course, Kirk is the one responsible for leading the fleet.
Here we see the subtle racism against the Klingons. Strangely enough, any sort of terrible cataclysm on Qo’os in the Next Generation.
We’re seeing Next generation-style consoles here on the bridge. We have no need for assistance! the Klingons are vulnerable! Beautiful shot of San Francisco here.
I really felt bad for the rattling cup that cracked on the floor!
The explosion at Praxis: bringing dreadful disc-based explosions to special effects for years. Sulu is now on the Excelsior, which he was totally hot for.
So the subtitle: The Undiscovered Country? I thought Star Trek had actually found a new continent on Earth or something. I didn’t realize it was a metaphor!
And ILM is back on special effects! Thank God!
We were in Omaha when this came out and we saw this three times! THREE TIMES, when it released in December of 1991 (the 20th anniversary not so long ago!) This movie brings writer/director Nicholas Meyer back to the chair and Leonard Nimoy as Executive Producer. Cliff Eidelman has a powerful, dark score here. This movie sought to bring back faith in the series after that last one.
Let me just lay this down right now: this is my favorite Star Trek of all time. Enjoy this with me!
Well, as we get in on some Row, row, row, row your boat, we’re panning up to the cliff faces of Yosemite and calling it. Stay tuned, Star Trek VI comes on in half an hour. BE HERE.
Star Trek V says: God isn’t real, he’s in your heart. For all the mewling I’ve been doing during this film, it was nice to see a film that was really dedicated to the trifecta of the original series. They’d only have one more shot after this.
Seth MacFarlane must’ve been a Star Trek V fan, because the humor is so cheap! Scotty gives the Klingon Ambassador some scotch. A lot of scotch.
When Spock spun around in that chair as the “new gunner” of the Bird of Prey, the crowd went wild. I think. That may have been the only time. If it even happened.
Sybok wrassles with God, they kill God with a torpedo. Makes sense. And of course, again, there’s enough transporter power for everyone except one last dude. Kirk goes back to climb hills near God where he is being zapped by God. This whole thing is bizarre. Then here comes the AWFULBird of Prey rising over a negative of God shooting it, pew pew pew. Then the camera zooms on some clouds. Why? What?
All of Manitou Springs is about to be evacuated.
Sybok is wrasslin’ with God! This is some dramatic theological action, yo!
FREE BREAKFAST AT THE RED CROSS!
Nobody wants to hangout with the Red Cross, they are empty but the news keeps going back to them to get the same information…
Pew pew, I’m God! Pew! Don’t doubt me! Pew pew!
“Excuse me. Excuse me, I- Just like to ask a question. What does God need with a starship?”
Pure dark skies, no galactic barrier or any other stars to speak of. You can tell this was built on a stage.
Did Vulcan lore say that God would need a starship?
While everyone is gawking at the bizarre seas of sha’ka’ree, a Bird of Prey in a plastic container is about to show up! The trifecta marches with Sybok across a desert, probably the same one that Paradise City lives in. And now there’s nothing there. OH NO HERE COME THE SAND FINGERS!
In other news, a derpy looking Amur Leopard was born at the Denver Zoo.
Shuttle lands, Kirk is told no guns. NO GUNS AROUND GOD, YO. They sail over purple seas of desert to a place of impressive ridges and pillars. Where God is, of course.
We’re arriving at Sha’ka’ree and everyone’s getting mushy. This is where your fluffy lord lives!
Jim is too proud, he has to live with his pain! “I need my pain!”
Right, so, just as McCoy was watching his father for the last time, the crickets started chirping outside. Hahaha! Now we’re onto Spock’s birth, in the form of a huge baby with pointy ears. “So human” Sarek says.
McCoy’s about to pull the plug on his dad. I know that’s how Jesus would get you to follow him. Follow Jesus’ example, Sybok! That’s how you get followers! Not this stuff!
Sybok is about to start brainwashing the trifecta. I think Uhura and Scotty are….mmmmm nah, this isn’t gonna work.
They’re climbing through a huge hole in the ship that isn’t an elevator shaft, it appears. “It appears we are too heavy!” “Must’ve been those marshmallows!” They’re talking here about Decks 77 and 68 here, which couldn’t possibly fit on a Federation vessel.
Sulu used to have a mole above his right eye. It’s gone now. Oh, and Scotty hitting his head on the low-hanging pipe. Har har. Har. … Har.
Bulldozers being put to bed for the night.
Sybok stares at the camera and tells everyone we’re going to Sha’ka’ree, a corruption of Sean Connery, the guy they wanted to play Sybok in the first place. They’re going to the center of the galaxy to meet Sean Connery!
Shatner decides that, as director, Kirk is a whiny punk. Go figure. Seeing the full Next Generation sets being used here is pretty cool, and cheap, all at the same time.
The trifecta is in the brig now while Sybok is mindraping the crew.
Firefighters protecting property now instead of fighting the fire because it’s too dangerous to go chase the fire.
— David Westerfield (@westerfunk) June 24, 2012
Sybok is about to mentally have his way with Sulu and Uhura. How vile.
Sybok has a gun that doesn’t look like a gun so much as it does a pressure chamber for BB rounds in a slender pipe. Spock has the gun now, does he shoot his brother? “SHOOT HIM!” Kirk says. Spock cannot. He is weak. Stupid human feelings.
They’re going to crash land the shuttle in the bay! Hey guys, I heard your shuttle was going super fast, let’s have it crash into shuttle bay in slow motion when we cut away from the model shot. And then the Enterprise warps away, as if every warp frame were drawn by hand by a six year old with chalk. Seriously, these effects!
Shybok wants the Enterprise. That’s the thrust of this. In case you were wondering. Okay, so back to the special effects, you’ll notice every model turn has the same flat shading for the most part, which works terribly in situations where variable or specific-source lighting is required. The replacements here screwed up. I can’t even recall their names they’re so bad. I don’t want to give them any attention if they’re still around.
This siege on Paradise City is interesting. And then you have the cat lady who gets thrown into the water…by wires… and that kills her? Oh no, thisi s a trap The hostages are with the Galactic Army of Light! They’ll have their starship soon enough!
Captain Chekov is so amusing, much like Admiral Chekov was in the hospital scene in The Voyage Home. Also, Uhura is dancing on the dune. What? WHAT?
So for the viewing screens (and later, in the lounge where Sybok, they use rear projection rather than green screen composite. It’s ugly, but it’s cheap. Every shot involved with the shuttle landing so far has been dreadful. As is the Paradise City wide shot with cheap blue glow around it. THE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE SO TERRIBLE.
The various starfield shots range from horrible to slightly less bad.
Did you know the “hot” Klingon chick is like 62 now? Why is the Romulan chick moving around this hostage video. Why is Sybok moving? No one is moving.
Admiral Bob, who’s delivering the Nimbus III briefing, is Harve Bennett, producer/writer/etc.
Would you trust your life to an elevator that stuttered? C’mon now. “I could use a shower.” Kirk says. “Yes.” Spock replies.
You can hear the firefighters here!
That was a long campfire scene. These guys are still buddies! This portion where the Voyager probe gets whacked is of dreadful quality.
I don’t love the overly cheeky attempts at humor. Sulu and Chekov lost in the forest. Row, row, row your boat is charming, though. Hey guys, just FYI, Enterprise is again the only ship that address this issue on the other side of the galaxy!
The Enterprise-A was assembled by monkeys! I thought this part was pretty funny, too. I don’t quite understand Uhura’s grey tinge in her hair now, but okay. Is there some romantic tingling here? Nah. Dinner comes in Pop-tart wrappers, which is cool.
We’re meeting in Paradise City now, where we discover that Nimbus III is a craphole, because we couldn’t determine that ahead of time. The Federation representative is a smoker, but that’s cool because he’s DAVID WARNER! The Klingon burps! The jukebox becomes the intergalactic communicator.
Bones is shaky and Spock is on jetboots, so cool. This movie starts with so much promise!
I actually love this opening sequence with Kirk climbing El Capitan. Love it. Fair warning: ILM wasn’t available to do the special effects shot for this film (obligations to the second and third Back to the Future films kept them busy) so they’re particularly shoddy in this flick.
Manitou Springs police are now evacuating homes on three streets: Alpine Trail, Jeneva, Lucerne. Firefighters rushing to block Waldo…
— The Gazette (@csgazette) June 24, 2012
Three trails (roads) are about to be under mandatory evac in Manitou Springs as reported by KKTV.
Here, Sybok (Spock’s half-brother) greets a rough farmer on a field of worthless desert and he removes his fear… his suffering!
This is the first Star Trek film I remember seeing in theaters. It was cold and dark and we were in Germany in 1989. This opening shot on the desert was so different than the previous movies that it didn’t even feel like a Star Trek film. Again, amazing cinematography, but with William Shatner now in the director’s chair, things go awry. Goldsmith would do the score for this film, a very memorable one at that, but after this movie bailed on fans and expectations alike, Goldsmith would bail (leaving Eidelman to follow in his steps) and Harve Bennett would leave as well (being replaced by Nimoy.
I’m happy to report that my Snickers almond bar survived its cryo treatment and is as delicious as ever.
CO Springs Fire radio: “Be advised: we now have flames coming over the crest.” #WaldoCanyonFire
— David Westerfield (@westerfunk) June 24, 2012
Reports are coming in that parts of Manitou Springs is being evacuated as we speak.
TV news is just now catching up with the internetz.
Hey guys, remember all that goodwill we built with The Voyage Home? We’re throwing all that away!
New ship, crazy new bridge, crazy new warp effects! And that’s it for now. Stay tuned for Final Frontier up here in 20 minutes!
Sulu pining for that Excelsior again! But no, it’s time for the NCC-1701A, prepared on such short notice!
“They are my friends,” Spock says, referring to his shipmates. “Yes, of course,” his father replies. lawl friends.
Kirk is still trying to flirt with the chick! C’mon now! “See you round the galaxy,” she says. AND THEY NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.
Oh snap, Admiral Kirk is being demoted and given a new ship! What a terrible punishment!
PEACE IS RESTORED TO THE GALAXY ONCE AGAIN! Oh, right, time to write up Kirk and his crew.
Probe glowy ball goes into socket. That’s how all probes should work. I’m looking at you, Motion Picture!
2,500 acres now.
Kirk is being super brave by single-handedly releasing the whales from their holding tanks, y’know.
Oh, and the journey was safe and they landed in San Francisco bay with no problems. Keeping you guys updated! Kelly just got back from his exclusive coverage of the Waldo Canyon wildfire that is engulfing this town in flames!!!!
I’m home now. I was craving something flame broiled for some reason but I got chicken wings instead.
This trip back to the present is so dangerous!
If the whales look fake, it’s because they are. The singing and dancing of the ship as it turns away from the Bird of Prey is hilarious. HILARIOUS.
Ships are out at sea, encroaching on the whales. Those damn Russians want those whales, THEY CAN’T HAVE THEM!
That must’ve been cool to be “Surprised Joffer” as the Bird of Prey lifts off.
The cheery music around their evacuation is madness. This whole movie is madness.
Spock is slowly gaining his terrible, terrible humanity! Oh, the hospital sequence, omg… Seeing Bones scoff at modern medicine is hilarious.
Chekov is at Mercy Hospital. LAMBORGHINI MERCI, YOUR CHICK SHE SO THIRSTY…
It took me many years to understand the genius of the ‘transparent aluminum sliding into the cloaked Klingon vessel illusion was. I’m surprised no one picked up on the large imprint the ship was making on the lawn.
It’s amazing how informal Starfleet is compared to their (past) contemporaries.
OMG, Chekov with the interrogator. “He’s a Russkie.” “Of course he’s a Russkie, but he’s a retard or something.” Now he’s on the run!
Chekov gets nabbed!
Chekov: “Lolz, dling ur nuclears.”
AWWW LOOK AT THE GERMAN SHEPARD PUPPY ON THE BIG HUGE NUCLEAR WESSEL!! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Kirk gets a page. He has an “interactive phone” y’know. “No, I was born in Iowa, I only work in outer space.”
Kirk getting his flirt on. Weird framing here as the subject is center frame and the other floats in the other third of the frame. I always thought it was weird seeing this.
“Perhaps the professor could use your computer?” “Hello computer!”
Sulu has some Huey training, y’know it!
Scotty and Bones at the PlexiCorp glass plant, omg!
Actually, Kirk denies he’s from the military, but, technically they are.
“No ma’am, no dipshit.”
Did Kirk and Spock seriously walk across the Golden Gate Dridge? “Spock did a little too much LDS.” “LDS?”
“They are not the hell your whales.”
Spock mindmelds with the whale, so awesome! “Maybe he’s singing to that man!”
“I’ve grown quite attached… to the whales. Yeeeesssssss… whaaaaaaallllleeeeesssss…”
Stop preaching to me, Star Trek IV! I want to take out as many humpbacks as I can!
I imagine I would’ve been on this Marine Institute tour as a field trip if I weren’t, y’know, in Nebraska. On the flipside, I’d have to live in California.
“No one pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.”
“It’s where they keep the nuclear wessels! The nuclear wessels!”
All of these people are actors, even the last one is just improv. A Russkie in San Francisco asking for nuclear weapons, of course!
I’m heading out to get something to eat, all this talk about pizza and hamburgers the firefighters are getting is making me hungry.
Kirk pawns off his glasses that Bones gave him in Star Trek 2. They’ll be a gift again in a few hundred years. Clever! Kirk can read the side of a bus to find the Marine Institute in Sausalito, former home of Giant Bomb!
“Yeah, well, double dumbass on you!” – Kirk’s best line.
People are able to smell smoke in Fountain and the Briargate area.
Spock dons Karate Kid headband to shield his pointy ears. Landing in San Francisco Park is awesome. They can tell they’re in 1986 because of the pollution content of the atmosphere, a line repeated in First Contact.
A Lot of people posting Instagram pictures of the fire. I can’t tell if it’s really that dramatic or filter…
Time travel is far more metaphorical than I imagined.
I’m not going to lie KKTV is the only one updating people with video that don’t have TV, like me: http://www.kktv.com/video/live
FACES ARE MORPHING, OMG!!!!!!!! They’re not actually morphing, though. They’re just fading from one to the other within the same space. Now here’s a naked dude descending into smoke? And then a fire? What? What is this? OMG…
It you are trying to escape the fire like a baller “The new Mining Exchange Wyndham Grand Hotel is offering 60 rooms at the owners’ rate of /night for any evacuees needing short-term shelter for the next few nights.”
It has to be as hot in that ship as it is here.
Bird of Prey about to sling itself around the sun, yo! Do some time travelling! We’re up for a super trippy computer-generated sequence here as they pass.
People are crowding the street double parking to gawk at the fire. Go home.
The folks at Starfleet should really have an emergency bunker that isn’t exposed to the elements by a thin sheet of glass.
Earth is getting MESSED. Planetary red alert. Somehow this puny ship can carry two huge whales. Well, whatevs.
Probe’s looking for humpback whales, which are obviously extinct here, because Captain Planet said so and we’re nuking them all right now! Don’t you remember that scary period during the early nineties when we were killing everything?
The Federation has to rely on analog bands to transmit their planetary distress because those breakup lines ain’t digital! We’re hearing the whines of the humpback whale probe’s signal. Creepy.
The planet can’t survive without the sun, as the earth is being ripped up all crazy?
McCoy still trying to warm Spock up, who still can’t comprehend anything Bones is saying.
Kirk and crew return to Earth for their inevitable punishment! But what happens along the way… Space dock loses power and, strangely, as the shuttles and starships do, they slow down and stop, which would require… ahh, forget it.
The Enterprise crew spent, what, 3 months on Vulcan in exile? They completely rebuilt the Bird of Prey’s bridge. We say goodbye to Saavik and hello to Spock, the former finally admitting about what happened on the Genesis Planet with his son. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN PRIORITY ONE.
Admiral Cartwright is all find and dandy here, but a steenking racist in VI! Watch yourselves!
We see the probe again as the Saratoga is losing power. This and the ripping up of Earth’s atmosphere a little later on creeped me out as a kid.
Spock is going to have to learn to be human and illogical again. Womp-wah!
The Spock testing sequence is awesome. “How do you feel.”
Kirk’s hair is puffier than usual. Scotty’s looking a little puffier now, too.
Stirring that Federation/Klingon sentiment. There shall be no peace so long as Kirk lives! We’ll see this reach a head in Star Trek VI. Now we’re on Vulcan!
So this movie’s pretty different. Obvious off the bat is the crazy new score by Leonard Rosenman, who was nominated for an Academy Award for his work. Nimoy returned as director, seemingly unshackled from the studio, who requested they make a Star Trek film based in the (then) current time. There’s also some crisp cinematography here, lots of wide angles. Harve Bennett (writer of Star Trek III) wrote the beginning and end of the film) while Nicholas Meyer (writer/director of Star Trek II and VI) wrote the bits in SanFrancisco. We open as they examine Kirk’s course of action in the previous film by blowing up the Enterprise. The Klingon judge ias accusing Kirk of being a terrorist and extradiction, etc.
So as the film starts, I want everyone to know that my pack of Snickers Almonds bars have melted. They were just sitting in my cupboard, the poor things I stashed them all in the fridge, hoping to tackle them in a little bit. Just FYI.
I forgot to mention the word ‘pedantic’ in the blog for The Motion Picture. So here it is: pedantic.
The Voyage Home! This may be the weirdest/coolest film of them all!
And with that, Spock realizes who his friends are and they all lived happily ever after. Stay tuned, ladies and gents! The Voyage Home is next!
“and the Adventure continues.” it says!
“You saved the ship, Spock, and then we blew it up! So great work!”
The rumor goes that Saavik stays on Vulcan with Spock through the next film because during his Pon’farr, they, y’know, had to Pon’farr. Nothing like this exists in reality, though.
Spock was appropriately aged on Genesis. Convenient.
“I’m all right, Jim.” Bones says as his spine falls out.
My brother and I had these first few Star Trek films on follow-along book and cassette. So awesome.
The Vulcans are closing their eyes for Space Prayer so that Preacher Lady can restore the Spock to Spock.
Bones: I choose the danger!
RIGHT ON! I was kinda curious for an alternate scene where McCoy says he’ll live with Spock’s essence and maybe they have a sitcom? SPOCK AND MCCOY, IN THE SAME PERSON! “It’s so illogical!” It’s Spock and McCoy!
There are women standing with their arms extended upward. That must’ve been a painful role for an extra.
Spock’s body: Can I get rez? Thx. Back on Vulcan for the ceremony as his crew stands by.
This just in: Bones misses Spock!
Kirk steals the Bird of Prey. “You said you would kill me!” final Klingon says. “I lied.” Kirk says.
Kirk kicks Klingon off ledge into fiery abyss, has never trusted Klingons and never will. This Genesis planet thing is coming down fast!
The Kirk defense: slam your fists against your opponents shoulders.
Klingon: “I want Genesis!”
*Justice plays in background*
Christopher Lloyd is here to right all wrongs! Or… wrong more wrongs? I don’t know, but he’s got a blaster and they’re on a precarious, fiery ridge.
Eh, I guess this movie ain’t so bad.
Even the crippled, growing Spock is stronger than a merE Klingon. Do not mess! Spock’s face growing is weird, yo.
AWWW, GOODBYE ENTERPRISE! Funny thing is, due to budget restrictions in STIV onward, they had to rebuild that same ship model they blew up as it was the only large-scale model they had.
And Boom goes the Enterprise.
These curved Next Generation-style hallways don’t seem very efficient.
Amazing how in two films, the ship can go from beaming vessel of glory to haggard piece of crap. And soon, blown up haggard piece of crap.
Luring all of the Klingons to the Enterprise, and then blowing it up? OH YEAH!
The Enterprise bridge looks like a rock concert.
Klingons: “Oh yeah, we killed ur son, lawl.”
Klingons: “Yo dawg, we got your pals hostage. Gonna murder ‘im, so, give us all your moneys.”
Of course, Bird of Prey disables the Enterprise with one shot. Unbalanced.
Bird of Prey uncloaks and gets its junk WRECKED. They kill Christopher Lloyd’s dog, for crying out loud!
Klingons have a weird metric system. Kelicams?
Kirk’s son did a terrible job fending off the Klingons. C’mon, man. Now they’re all captured.
Spock has now become Harry Potter age quickly. Somehow Spock understands Vulcan and English despite never having learned it. Maybe it was inscribed on his torpedo tube. Pon’farr seems to be stroking fingers.
In this scene, Chekov is Uhura.
Apparently the atmosphere vanishes quickly on Genesis Planet’s night.
G0enesis unstable? They used protomatter, an unstable substance barred from general scientific use? GREAT SCOT!
The cushions in this couch just won’t sit still.
Good thing they didn’t beam young Spock and crew aboard, because that Bird-of-Prey is about to WRECK THEIR JUNK.
Young Spock is chilling out in the frozen cold, far away from the humid paradise he emerged from. Because that makes sense. Stupid kid Spock.
Scotty automated most of the controls of the Enterprise so a crew of five could take care of the whole vessel. I imagine this helps out in the future!
The Excelsior bridge looks spacious and amazing, in contrast to the Enterprise’s busted junk.
I didn’t know what a yellow alert was until the Enterprise tried to escape space dock.
The game is afoot, the old staff of the Enterprise is conspiring to take the ship! Disrespectful cadet is causing trouble! Calling Uhura an old spirit!
Kirk: “You’re the victim of a Vulcan mind-meld.”
Bones: “That green-blooded son of a bitch! He’s seeking revenge for all those arguments he lost!”
They’re moving Bones to the Funny Farm! No…
McCoy has money to pay for a ship. BUT THERE IS NO MONEY IN THE FUTURE. Federation Security shows up to pop Bones in the act. He looks like a regular 80s black dude, though. Everything looks 80s.
Kirk is wearing his same vestment that he carries for the next film as well. We’re now in the Star Trek Cantina, a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Spock is a yelling kid on Genesis now. I remember being a yelling kid, emerging from my torpedo tube on a strange new tropical paradise…
In the future, there will be walls with big blinking lights. For decoration.
“I am and forever shall be your friend! Live Long And Prosper! That means I didn’t want to die! Why can’t you figure that out?” Spock’s ghost tells him through his dad.
“Don’t you remember all those hints Spock dropped? About bringing his spirit and body to Vulcan? For mending? Because he didn’t want to die? REMEMBER THAT, KIRK?!?!?!?!?!?! He would not have spoken about it openly! Or told you! You SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!”
Spock’s dad shows up to impart wisdom, yo.
Captain Kirk has the coolest track suit. THE COOLEST TRACK SUIT.
Ext. Space – Genesis Planet.
Osprey-class research vessel arrives to begin examinations with DAVID MARCUS (KIRK’s son) and SAAVIK on-board.
TITLE CARD: Genesis Planet
TITLE CARD: Unnecessary Stardate.
Why do they ever need star dates? None of them work.
Extended shore leave for their heroic work! Scott being denied to refit the Enterprise. Genesis is a “forbidden subject”, why not just get everyone to sign NDAs? No currency in the future, no non-disclosure agreements? I don’t get it? Why did they feel Kirk needed to re-narrate the Project Genesis video? And then who let it be stolen? Wow. Federation security is pretty… well, they trust too much.
Bones in Spock’s quarters, speaking vaguely like Spock, being, uh, Spock.
Enterprise being towed into Space dock now, because of course. It seems that in the 23rd century, it would be unnecessary to have blinking lights on the external face of the vessel. We’re getting a grand shot of the Excelsior, the most beautiful ship from the first era of Star Trek. This would be Sulu’s ship in time, as he coos at it at every opportunity. “If my mother had wheels, she had a wagon.”
Here’s a mercenary ship loaded with cargo netting. This si the first time we see a Klingon Bird-of-Prey with none other than Christopher Lloyd at the helm!
Harve Bennett, who produced the first five films, wrote this one. A great job he did not.
Kirk surveys an open Enterprise, who sulks on Spock’s demise and the empty ship. Chekov is still sulking after letting everyone down in Khan. AS HE SHOULD.
I have also invited some temporary pain by opening a window that directs the sun into the corner of my eye. Only a few more minutes and it’s gone.
Oh, and Kirstie Alley was replaced by Robin Curtis in the Saavik role here. James Horner continues to compose the film.
Awww snap! We get to see Mark Lenard as Spock’s dad here.
Paramount gave Nimoy the director’s chair for this film to get him back as Spock, which, as we saw in the Wrath of Khan liveblog, was pretty much an inevitability. We start this film with the last previous moments of the previous film, as Spock is sent into space.
And so we begin!
WHY IS IT SO BLOODY HOT OUTSIDE!
And we’re out! III starts in a little over 23 minutes, I hope you’ll join me!
Okay, Khan bridges itself too well to Search for Spock. Like they were banking on Nimoy to return. Now, here’s all this B-roll of California we could get. Or Hawaii, whatever.
Kirk’s son is proud to be Kirk’s son. That’s so precious :)
Kirk doesn’t believe in the no-win scenario, but losing Spock changes his perspective. He is full of sorrow and introspection.
Bagpipes and a naval funeral, just as Meyer wanted.
This film is the first of a three-film arc, there haven’t been any other continuations like this does to III and IV. Leonard Nimoy just wanted it all, y’know?
Spock is SCREWED UP. He sounds raspy like Jason Mewes! “The needs of the many out-weigh the needs of the few… or the one!”
Enterprise escapes in the nick of time from a growth of cloudy concentric circles. BUT AT WHAT COST?
Spock mind melds quickly with Bones, which will serve as the rising action for the next film. They put that in as an escape pod to recover Spock after killing him. Y’know, just in case Leonard Nimoy wanted back.
Spock is on his way to his death as Khan activates the Genesis device!
Funny, when a ship in Star Trek gets hit, wherever it’s at, there’s always damage to the bridge. It’s madness, yo!
When they would do the model shots of each ship for these sequences, they would end up doing nearly half a dozen exposures so you can make out all the lights. That’s some HDR madness right there.
Totally forgot, as we’re watching the Mutara Nebula duel, that this is the first Star Trek film in which the special effects were provided by ILM, known for their effects for Star Wars. Amazing how these things came together, eh? Khan lifted that crashed beam like a boss as Enterprise rains hell down upon his ship!
The epic chase into the Mutara Nebula is ON!
Saavik: “You lied.”
Spock: “I exaggerated.”
I have no idea why I’d never seen this relationship before.
KIRK CHEATED ON THE KOBYASHI MARU? WHAT!!!! I thought he was a man of integrity!
Kirstie Alley was really cute.
Kirk talks to his ex, feels old again. Another theme that comes out in VI as well.
It’s starting to smell like a burning furniture store… or a bar… in here. Huge fire out by Pikes Peak is generating a huge smoke plume that is sailing right through town.
Why is Kirk wearing his antique glasses? He doesn’t really need them…
Captain Terrell commits suicide instead of killing Admiral Kirk. Awww, man! Creepy eel out of Chekov now.
Kirk’s son never really gets much development time in either film.
The transporter room on Regula 1 has the clunkiest console ever.
Zombie Terrell and Chekov: “Braaaaaaaiiiiiins! – I mean, no Genesis info here.”
Oh, it all makes sense: Meyer had intended Saavik to be the evil traitor in VI, but when he was vetoed at the last minute, Saavik became the character Valeris. That’s why these two movies are so similar.
Scotty’s nephew dies, even I tear up.
KIRK DELIVERED SOME SWEET REVENGEANCE BY HAXING THE RELIANT! YEAH!!!!
Ricardo Montalban is so awesome.
“Let me find the Genesis Project on my hard drive here… it’s gotta be in the virtual drive… We’ll have it for you in just a second, Khan.”
Reliant strikes! OH SNAP!
“Are you familiar with the proverb that states that revenge is a dish best served cold? It is very cold in space…”
What is Project Genesis? It’s on a Security Tape, of course. Here we some amazing early computer animation.
It’s amazing how tactile this film looks considering they had a fraction of the budget of the original film.
Spock laying down some truth serum: Kirk shouldn’t have ranked up to a desk job. It would be unwise to debate him.
The civilians on Regula 1 are fully fitted with early 80s hairdos. They’re pawns of the military! They sound like art school kids!
Zombie Chekov to Regula 1, “I want your brrraaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnnns- I mean, we want the Genesis Project.”
I’m kinda glad the Next Generation films shed the need to introduce the Enterprise out of space dock. Captain Spock is cool. “Sulu, indulge yourself”.
I totally didn’t realize that Meyer made it a point to have a new Vulcan in the series bring the Enterprise out of space dock.
There are so many subtle jabs of humor here, it’s awesome. “What about the rest of the inspection, Admiral?” Bones says to Kirk. Kirk makes a cutting motion around his neck.
An important part of Meyer’s interpretation of Star Trek is how much more navally/code oriented this new Enterprise is, same with the uniforms.
Kirk immediately feels like the warm, cuddly captain we’ve known throughout the series so far. No more unfriendly Kirk! Docking sequence with Enterprise reduced to a minute!
So we’re meeting Khan and he’s evil. We go into the backstory on why he was left here. I love how much slicker the dialogue is in this film. Now the eels. Right into their ears, awww man. Creepy to see as a kid!
Kirk feels old! Chekov on new assignment!
Vulcan Kirstie Alley is at the helm of the Kobyashi Maru situation. The neutral zone is a sphere! The Klingons are about to cause some stuff! I think only the fans really “got” what this exercise meant in the new film. Captain Kirk arrives on bridge to relief the “captain” and everyone springs back to life. It’s an act. Awesome.
Wrath of Khan is often called the best Star Trek film. It’s in my Top 5, but it also brought in writer/director Nicholas Meyer, easily the best creative element to ever happen to the Star Trek films. This film is scored by James Horner who, in a rush, reused many of the themes here in Aliens because of Cameron’s tight release window.
And here we go!
Joining me on this leg of the journey is Sam on the Captain’s Couch! He had been in and out on Motion Picture. Told him he had to stick around for this for real.
So this can of Hot Bean Dip looks like dog food.
This DVD actually opens to a menu instead of straight into the movie. Convenient!
We start at 5PM, peeps!
Stay tuned for Wrath of Khan in twenty minutes, yo! ENTERPRISE GOES ZOOM!
Spock doesn’t want to go to Vulcan. Guess that means more Star Trek movies!
Through Decker’s sacrifice, the world is saved, yet again, by the Enterprise and her crew.
And just like that, we’re removing Decker and Ilia from the film we introduced them in. They could’ve had such adventures together.
“The Creator must join with V’Ger!” Ilia says, looking long into Decker.
V’Ger wants all the information, but I’m curious how much of the internet it really wants. Maybe it would totally fob the whole thing up.
Voyager 6 yo! Because the space program decided that sending more of those probes out was a crazy awesome idea. (For reference, they sent two.)
This film, notoriously, went crazy over budget. You can tell in part because everyone has six different uniforms. “V’Ger.” Ilia drones.
Pulling up to the V’Ger pad. Kirk finally indulges Decker’s request to see the V’Ger. This is a new component to this film as well: particles assembling the bridge to the top of the Enterprise. I’m surprised they didn’t do any atmospheric scans or anything? *sniff* *sniff* “Seems fine.”
Spock is crying. Man up, Spock!
We’ve reached the slow part of the movie: all of it.
“Hey, V’Ger won’t bomb your planet if you give us all your secrets. For srs. No blowing up. Just all the secrets.”
“Clear the bridge, Captain? I don’t really want to…” Sulu says.
Oh, sorry, “V’Ger is a child.” Spock says. Humans aren’t real life forms, the robot is. “What do you suggest we do?” Bones says, “spank it?”
So the V’Ger “ship” emerges from the cloud around Earth, a component that was added for the DVD version. But where did the cloud go?
V’Ger, with all its infinite computational power, can’t understand a simple emotion. It wants to know if ‘that’s all there is’. I bet it’s a teenager that has Linkin Park in the deck, too.
Spock tried to mind meld with infinite data. Infinitely painful, but also, crazy tons of knowledge that he’ll have forever! Sitting in bed, he really looks like Zachary Quinto, it’s awesome.
Flying pas the robotic neighborhood now, through the TV.
Heh, heh. Spock said ‘orifice’.
Ilia-bot is remembering everyone now. It’s so cute. Bones: “Decker, she ain’t real, stop trying to fall in love.”
Spock is the original Sam Fisher, sneaking up on a dude so he can pull a covert space walk.
V’Ger wants to store humans as zip files. I mean, that makes sense.
“Carbon lifeforms use this room for recreation.” a strip of lights appears under a black sheet of glass. Cool videogame, yo. Ilia, despite having a billion microprocessors inside, can’t comprehend that Kirk and Spock are spying on them. Ilia’s theme playing, she’s starting to get it! She loves Decker! Ilia Loves Decker!
Ilia punched the hell through that door! Holy crap, I don’t remember that!
V’Ger just wants to meet his daddy. C’mon guys.
Ilia is back by shower, now with vocoding action! Security forces on the Enterprise are tough-lookin’ dudes. First V’ger name drop.
This may be the worst film to have in a marathon, but at least it’s first and out of the way.
EXPLAIN EVERYTHING WITH DIALOGUE. – The Script
“Curiosity, Mr. Decker. Insatiable Curiosity.” Door’s closing behind them, nowhere to go!
Decker wants to launch all phasers at this thing as they’re being pulled in by tractor beam, Spock’s against. Kirk is on the fence between his best friend and… Decker.
Spock pushes Decker aside so the torrenting probe will stop dling all of its files. Absorbs Ilia, because she needs to be gone by the end of the movie.
V’Ger sends an ambassador, a pillar of light that materializes on the bridge and casually wanders around their ship. “Lawl, I’m dling ur files.”
Eh, complain what you will about spending a third of the movie going through this cloud, there’s plenty of eye candy.
We’re now on top of the V’Ger core and it looks like an adventure game. I just want to click to move my character around and use my wrench on that floating orb. “Nope, that doesn’t do anything.”
They spent a lot of time on these effects. Kirk is making mysteriously specific navigation commands.
“Steady as she goes.” They sail into the cloud, which is comprised of an incredible series of screensavers.
The nebulous (pun intended?) nature of this plot is largely chalked up to Roddenberry, who was hip and happening on using Star Trek as a vehicle for philosophical experimentation. He was removed from any direct input on Star Trek films after this.
This bolt of plasma doesn’t feel like destroying the Enterprise, but Chekov gets burned. Doctor Chapel sprays Febreze on wound. Alien is broadcasting at “One Million MHz”. Spock has this down.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture was not a movie I requested to see often growing up. It would require a child of infinite patience to truly tolerate, much less understand or be entertained by.
Enterprise is about to get scanned, yo.
RED ALERT EVERYONE.
Film goes so far as to have Kirk state specifically to Chekov that Spock is being reactivated. Law Of Excess, yo. Spock is onboard to help with the warp engines. That’s why we really needed the wormhole sequence, not merely to prove the Decker/Kirk dynamic.
McCoy greets him. I expect “By Grap’thar’s hammer…”
Spock on deck with black robes and freaking the entire crew out! “Step off, Decker!” he says.
Another elaborate docking sequence.
Now McCoy is berating Kirk. Kirk looks off into space in response. Spock wants on now. The trifecta is about to be complete!
Decker is laying the smackdown on Kirk! Humble him! Fatality!
It was an engine imbalance that caused the wormhole. Decker is getting his for speaking out!
Blasted asteroid particles bouncing off the viewfinder. That’s cool.
Kirk: “Chekov, phasers!”
Decker: “Nah bro, it’s all about the torpedoes!”
DeForest keeping Kirk in check isn’t something I’d really paid attention to before. Oh no, now the wormhole sequence! WORMHOLE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can’t recall what effect this had on the ship, or the movie altogether. It just looks cool. Law Of Excess In Effect!
The dangers of engaging warp while still in the solar system! Oh no!
Enterprise now launching in elaborate fashion for space dock, because of course. I love the “just barely made it in” shots as a miscellaneous crewman gets in through closing doors.
DeForest Kelley is so awesome.
Space station vanishes. Ilia arrives. She’s a bald Indian with a French accent, one of the most interesting one-off characters in here. And now we have Bones on deck, complete with convention beard!
Dramatic press conference to show the crew the horror that they’re flying right into . Strangely, only one incomplete starship between V’Ger and Earth. Reminds me of Generations a bit.
This transport sequence is probably the most frightening scene in all of Star Trek.
Captain Kirk’s dickishness can be reflected in Tim Allen’s Captain Nesmith in Galaxy Quest. The bridge is in chaos. The crew reassembles easy, but Captain Decker doesn’t know that he’s being replaced! Sucka! This is an elaborate engineering section with a crazy warp core. They actually built a huge set for this, but it had to last so many years.
Decker: “You personally are assuming command?”
Also: salad complete! You know clamshells for electronics? That, for salad. I had to defeat it. Chicken caesar, by the way…
“Guys, we need to do a five minute zoom around this ship, with elaborate docking sequence. Scott, make a model good enough to withstand scrutiny. Jim, compose five minutes of music that will make near-zero amounts of action sound dramatic.” This composition would later form the theme for The Next Generation, but strangely, is only used in Goldsmith Star Trek films, which I’ll highlight later…
Star Trek: The Motion Picture obeys The Laws Of Excess: if it can be put in, put it in. Star Wars: Episode I had the same problem, which caused that movie to drag and, well, this one too. We’re about to see the huge, drawn out pass on the NCC-1701. Scotty is so skinny here that it’s unnatural.
I kinda wish they had spoken in Vulcan for Star Trek (2009). We’re now on Earth, Admiral Kirk is here, puffed up as ever! I am also having difficulty opening this salad. I am not amused.
And now I’m leaving, super fun times!
I’m chiming in because I can.
Spock rejects pure logic because of a disturbance in the Force. You’d do the same.
V’Ger on its way to Earth. I should note that this is the 2001 Special Edition with minor scenes inserted and special effects improved. I’m watching all these all on my PlayStation 3, which required no updates this time!
Klingon ships are being WIPED OUT, TRON-style. This movie has a pretty grim tone to start here. The special effects are pretty amazing, though.
These synthetic V’Ger drops can be heard again in Goldsmith’s score for First Contact, seventeen years later. They’re not quite as severe, but they work well to imply some evil stuff is going down. The black guy on the station here looks like he could be Don Cheadle’s dad.
Goldsmith’s Blaster Beam blares are signature tones of the film. The re-invented Klingons must’ve also been a trip, complete with fossilized foreheads?
This movie is very epic, which must’ve been something crazy for a movie based on a cancelled TV series. Imagine if Firefly got a 0m movie now? That’d be madness, right? Also: the detail on these Klingon battle cruisers is amazing. The composite isn’t that great against the cloud, though.
Okay, so sorry for running slightly late. SLIGHTLY! I totally forgot that this movie had the theatrical intro with the starfield, which bought me a little time as the credits roll.
And then, at the very end, they turned it up…for 10 seconds.
See you from the show floor, folks!
My kids would love NintendoLand – but I think they’re too old for it now.
We’re out, and they’re showing Nintendoland again. Ugh, srsly.
Families, distracted by their personal devices, will be distracted by the communal device.
My phone randomly untethered itself from my PC, causing me to lose internets. NOT THAT ANYTHING WAS GOING ON, AT THE TIME!!!!
I wonder if all of the viewers around the world have fallen asleep.
Wii U is the “Tool of together.” Huh?
What’s that website again, Reggie? To see this stuff? Right. Say it again.
And it’s a launch game.
This is a revisionist take on my Nintendo memories.
Not to say this briefing is boring, but I’m having a hell of a time trying to get awkward photos of the speakers.
Asymmetric gameplay looks like it could be interesting, but they’re just showing it for mini-games.
This Luigi’s Mansion game looks interesting.
They keep throwing around asymmetric gameplay. It’s a great concept. I like the idea of the person with the game-pad being able to see things and do things the other players can’t.
Fisticuffs will almost certainly ensue.
THE PEOPLE ON THE MAIN SCREEN CANNOT SEE THE GHOST!
Asymmetrical Gameplay is a really awkward catch phrase, yet they keep saying it…
I agree, Johnny. Like Playstation home for Nintendo.
MiiVerse in NintendoLand. Looks like PlayStation Home for kids.
Katsuya Eguchi and his translator are now out to talk about NintendoLand. Your Mii goes to a theme park and changes costumes based on the theme park you’re visiting or the attractions you’re at.
The “Attractions” seem to be mini-games within the game. And that’s exactly what they are. So this is a game full of mini games.
The “translator” is reading his script ahead of Eguchi san. They need to sort it.
Show ZombiU again, I’m about to get the yawns.
Oh, this is a mini-game collection themed after Nintendo games.
I wish they would just explain Nintendoland.
Johnny can’t type the word “Nintendoland”. His tablet keeps correcting it to “Hinterland”.
Scenery has to do with Nintendo Land. A virtual game park.
That would be… Nintendoland.
ok…The ZombiU demo looks great. The features they’ve shown are really nice AND they actually turned the volume up to 4 .
AAAAAAAAAAAAAND Reggie Fils-Aime as a zombie? He reveals his true nature?
Ubisoft = best part of Nintendo’s show so far…
They just put something wacky on stage.
They’re bringing in scenery. Are we about to see a musical?
ZombiU looks amazing. The facemapping is awful, though. Assassin’s Creed 3 here. Look, you saw this already.
Some of these ZombiU control ideas look fun as hell (keypad entry). Some look contrived and clunky (sniper shooting).
ZombiU now, gameplay now, it’s a first-person shooter and it looks pretty good. Inventory on the pad, switches to third-person. Sniping takes place on the pad as well.
Wait…some people with PULSES came out on the stage…but the music is sow low, I can hear their feet shuffling on the carpet during the dancing.
Puppet Master looks fun for parties. Where’s the “disrobe” button, though?
Reggie just called his employees puppets.
They have moves like Jagger, yo. The tablet is showing off…. I don’t even understand what’s going on on there.
They’re bringing dancers on stage, though. And they’re in uniform. And shaking butts and stuff.
Bercley, who is watching live on TV from the UK, has this to say, via facebook – “I can tell, it’s being presented by robots.”
Just Dance 4, oh man, no Usher I bet.
Here’s the problem: Nintendo has the guests talk to Reggie as if they’re having a conversation rather than talking to the audience. The result is information delivered in dull, wooden fashion. Ugh.
It’s the bad guy, Janosh, from Ghostbusters 2. You know, the guy thats from “de upver vest side”
“Those are fantastic words.” Reggie says.
Yves is clearly French. Clearly.
Ubisoft here. Maybe things will perk up now. GOD their banter is cringe-worthy.
Ubisoft now, guess they might show some stuff like the guys did from yesterday. Yves Guillemot on stage now. Awkward pause after Yves walks on stage.
“From the hardest of the core to the newest of the newbies.”
Hardcore Lego Action. I can get down with this!
Lego City Undercover is DEFINITELY winning the Nintendo Briefing at this point.
Oh, it’s going to 3DS, but ehhh.
Lego dude just went down a Mario pipe. Nintendo knows its audience…
Lego City Undercover. It still cracks me up that a product that is all about tactical building with your hands has such a successful virtual presence…
This is the game of Nintendo’s show, ladies and gentlemen.
LEGO City Undercover. You have my interest now! OMG, It’s SimCopter! Well, GTA-ish. Solve crimes with your gamepad. There’s a Southern Belle who’s your tutorial aide.
Kingdom Hearts 3D. Nerdgasms everywhere.
Montage of 3DS games now. TRON. Kingdom Hearts, the Nintendo 3DS logo, etc.
The best part of the conference just happened. The corpse said “phyth..fuuu…fath…fazz…physical and digital”
They must’ve heard me about “so much Mario.” They’re giving us Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon!
Luigi’s Mansion 2. There was love for this game? I don’t remember that.
Paper Mario now. So much Mario. That Italian plumber gets around…
I’m reminded of how good 3DS games don’t look.
Paper Mario for 3DS now.
New Super Mario Bros 2 available on 3DS August 19th.
Another New Super Mario Bros. game. BUT IT’S DIFFERENT, he says. Everything is about gold! Mario is gold, he’s collecting gold, the villains are gold, what!
3DS gets its own webcast tomorrow at 6pm. One conference can’t hold All that Nintendo has to offer.
This cleaving of 3DS from the conference is weird. They’re showing off 3, anyway.
I don’t understand how Nintendo games are generally appreciated more by the younger crowd but they have the presentations being done by senior management who wouldn’t know hype if it bit them on the ass.
3DS now. “A couple of minutes, where’s the love!”
It just got really red in here. Are we in hell?
There has to be some group in the balcony that’s trained to clap at everything here.
3DS news incoming…
These videos they keep showing are so much glossy, dull vanilla frosting.
Johnny and I just discussed the energy level in here. He said Microsoft was an 8, Ubi was a 9 and we’ve come to the conclusion that this debacle is about a 3.
This is Rob’s game. You have an emcee with the pad and it says stuff like “Hey, everyone clap your hands!”
Someone is making a crazy new innovative karaoke game. You can sing AND dance. This should give Harmonix a run for their money.
Well, at least the seats are comfy.
Rob looks ready for a nap. They need to up the energy in here…
Oh no, a standalone device that beams into the WiiU controller to upload info (the WiiFit meter). No, peripherals like mad. Also, offline gameplay seems dopey.
The Wii Fit Board will work with Wii U. Nintendo continues to clutter up our living rooms with peripherals.
Wii Fit U. It’s like Wii Fit, only “revolutionary”.
Which reminds me of how successful WiiFit was, but did it change the industry? No. It was just a really popular game for a really popular console, since no one was buying any other games for it. I want them to show off a tablet scale.
ok…Now we have some clips playing on the screen. Darksiders, Mass Effect 3, Tekken tag tournament, Trine 2, Ninja Gaiden 3, Aliens (Colonial Marines) and others.
Again, I’ll say that the graphics and sound and gameplay look really good. I’m very impressed with the Wii U. They need to get some presenters, though. This is ridiculous – I’ve been in board meetings with more fanfare.
43 million copies of Wii Fit sold… Yet so many fat people remain…
Oh no, not WiiFit. nooo…
I’m reminded of how good Aliens doesn’t look.
TANK TANK TANK! Amazing! Tekken Tag Tournament 2 where dude gets a magic mushroom and gets bigger. Trine 2. Ninja Gaiden 3… Eh, you can have it, WiiU.
Trine 2 looks AMAZING.
Darksiders II looks cool. Mass Effect 3?!
Good heavens, these two couldn’t be any more wooden.
I keep hearing the word “Revolutionize.” The Wii U is cool and all, but is it really revolutionary?
This guy’s shoes are REALLY red. And he’s boring, too.
Scribblenauts. I’m not even sure what’s going on here right now.
I honestly feel like I’m watching the home shopping network and the presenter has overdosed on valium.
Scribblenauts Unlimited in HD, looks great. You can Banjo Kazooie together stuff.
Jeremiah from 5th Cell has some really red shoes.
Wii U adds a few gameplay wrinkles, but they didn’t radically change the game. Scribblenauts now.
Well, Fils-Aime has left the stage but the guys who replaced him are just as dry…Maybe even worse. It’s funny because the Japanese are known for their fanfare and shenanigans but these guys are, quite honestly, like walking corpses. Absolutely NO hype here.
I got out of bed for this?
They’re showing a video of the footage instead of actually playing it.
Rocksteady is going to show off Batman, yo. Looks like inventory screens and aimable batarangs and stuff.
They’re showing off the new Mario game, which can be transferred from the main screen to the control pad. It looks REALLY good. It’s got the old-school Mario platformer game-lay style but slick and pretty.
And the asymmetric gameplay concept is great. How a player can take on a completely different role in a game, when they’re playing with the handheld.
I’ll likely end up buying one of these.
Harley Quinn introducing Warner Brothers Interactive Entertainment is so shilly.
OH SNAP, Batman Arkham City.
“Being a flying squirrel is WAY more fun than it should be!” says a player on screen. Now gameplay footage. More powerful hardware does not make this a dramatically better experience, but that’s the point.
The Wii U is pretty impressive. The graphics, features, lineup and operability are amazing. the presentation is killing it, though. Now I know why they didn’t want me to have my knife in here…they were afraid I’d slit my wrists.
Nintendo needs to take some pointers from Ubisoft.
New Super Mario Bros. U, which makes sense since people were digging the “2D” Mario games over the Galaxy titles.
“You’ve got to have a Mario game.”
They’ve just unveiled “MiiVerse” across all of their hardware. It’s Smart Glass, but for Miis.
Someone call the cops! They’ve kidnapped the presenter and replaced him with a zombie!!!!!!
Uh oh… Some of the Miis on Main Street are joining a drum circle to protest Wall Street…
Showing the console’s home screen where your friends gather around individual games. It’s interesting, but it doesn’t look like a great UX. This also means Nintendo can steer you to specific games, too. You know, of games you own.
Looks like a standard generation controller. Headphone jack and IR blaster. Volume on the controller, too. This thing is pretty sophisticated.
Reggie Fils-Aime is now on stage tlaking about the Wii U. 23 titles will be shown today.
Also, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon etc…And a nice black Wii U.
I hate to say it but Fils-Aime is dryer than the martinis I made last night. His presentation is like the Serengeti.
Nintendo – Please get someone to do the intro who is actually breathing. Thanks!
I would be shocked it if DIDN’T support more than one game pad…
Because you couldn’t find them, they’re giving us social links. Talking about the early press conference now.
They want us to devote “more time” to Wii U at E3 this year.
We get it: you’re only showing a sliver of your offerings, yes, for the sake of time, yes.
Netflix + Hulu Plus + YouTube + Amazon included. Because of course. Friend codes?
Oh no, the stock photos of casual gamers… Games, Social, and Entertainment are the “values” of WiiU.
“It’s all about the games.” 23 game titles to be shown today.
23 WiiU games on-stage in an hour, hrm.
Ugh, I remembered that SpikeTV exists.
He didn’t throw the Pikmin into the crowd. So many sad virgins…
Reggie feels just like a purple Pikmin. I don’t even get that.
Miyamoto is cute with a Pikmin, awwwww.
Oh, Miyamoto, you’re such a character!
Showing the tablet portion of the game now and it has a choppy looking map, seems redundant with the stuff on your TV.
So…this dude is standing next to Miyamoto and is “translating” for him but I’m pretty sure the honkey is just quoting a script because I think Miyamoto is actually reading off a recipe for Steak with marsala sauce.
The Wii U game pad lets you keep track of up to 4 “Leaders” as well.
You can have four “leaders”, none of which are Captain Olimar from the previous games.
Incredibly smooth frame rates in HD as well.
The Wii U game pad shows the overall map.
I wish these WiiU graphics would’ve been out seven years ago with the original Wii.
Depth of field, flying bugs, it looks great, but still maintains the simple look of previous games. Pikmin can build bridges, so they’re modelling each Pikmin individually.
Making a big deal about how WiiU is the first with a dedicated screen, because they can brag about it. They’re the only ones.
“For 30 years, games have HAD to be connected to the TV.”
And Miyamoto comes on stage and everybody freaks out…they’re all “YAY” and stuff.
In order for the Wii U to be the center of the living room, it couldn’t rely on a TV. Hmmm, don’t know about that.
My processor just auto-corrected Miyamoto to mosquito…
Pikmin appearing on-screen with audience members. Translator comes on-stage with a Pikmin whistle.
Pikmin racing after Miyamoto as he leaves and… walks on stage, and BRIGHT LIGHTS!
I’ve just discovered that I can force Kelly’s camera to take photos. Lawlz.
Just snapped this, without his knowledge
Also, we’re officially underway. Miyamoto is being chased by some kind of little leaf-headed…things…
Movie with Mr. Miyamoto in dressing room, looking over folder with PIKMIN wandering around clothes and shoes.
People clapping, hollering. Show must be about to start…
Starting now. Applause. Aewsome.
They said they were starting promptly at 9AM, but…
Keith is trying to examine the crooked TVs with no success.
Some of the TVs on-stage are crooked.
I think Kelly is being redundant.
Shut up, Kelly.
The FEZ crew is preferring Kelly’s playlist to the dreck they’re playing. Johnny is also building a stack of cards in setting up his TouchPad for liveblogging.
We are all just being redundant now guys.
To put things in perspective, we’ve met investment managers during these conferences. As much as fanboys out on the interwebs are interesting in how Nintendo is performing, portfolio owners are as well.
Guess what? The music just looped and we’re listening to Gotye again.
GOTYE. AGAIN. SERIOUSLY.
Getting close now!
Eh…she was useless anyway. She wanted me to throw my knife IN A TRASH CAN!
First Rob stare of the day goes to ME, thank you very much (for the “pop goes the cherry” comment. Technically, the first Rob stare actually went to the security supervisor, but who’s counting?
My first LiveBlog post. Pop goes the cherry…
The music is looping now. AND NOW JOHNNY IS LIVEBLOGGING WITH US. Snaps!
Someone please bring me coffee or something highly caffeinated.
Oh, and guys, I was really tired this morning when I woke up.
Bah, they had a screener, they wouldn’t give him a headset. But he saw a guy with a “My Skin Is Not My Biggest Organ” shirt, who seemed classy.
TONIIIIIIIGHT, WE ARE YOOOOOOUNG…..
They turned on the Wii U controller. And I think the lights got bluer. I’m not sure.
Oh no. OH NO.
Johnny is trying to grab a translator headset for a genuine Japanese experience. Let’s see how well he fares.
The trivia has already looped.
You can tell who’s from traditional media at any of these conferences because they’re wearing suits and we look like schmucks. Cool schmucks, though.
People are here with their 3DSes. What? (Yes, I get why.)
Probably the creepiest thing I’ve done today.
The free wi-fi is slowing down as people are getting on it, Keith says. Surprise!
I have nothing to contribute at this time.
There is a black Wii U on stage.
That was unprofessional of me. But seriously, I gots to leak.
I have to pee.
Nick is sure that the liveblog isn’t updating so I’d like to test it to make sure.
Oh, and yeah, seats being wider and comfortable. What is this, a theater?
My phone works online, yay!
Things I am grateful for: A) Nintendo started seating immediately. B) We’re in an LTE wonderland and the connection is great. Every conference has their own perks, I suppose. I guess I wonder what Microsoft’s was.
Also, staggered seating is a welcome site. That and larger seats.
Stupid game trivia brought you by Nokia and Nintendo. At least there’s something to look at. I GUESS.
Oh, right, so about that Gotye…. seriously. They’re doing movie theater-ish trivia on the main panel.
No wifi from Sony? Whomp, whomp, whomp…
Apparently 3G can’t handle the awesomeness being shown today.
Tech difficulties rule. Rather long commercial of all games PS3
And that’s it. Ubisoft E3 2012 is wrapped. Now we’re on our way to the convention center for an interview and OH MY GOD, SCREAMER GUY HAS A MULTI-COLORED MAN-PURSE!.
We’re OUT! More coming soon!
Watch_Dogs. It looks hot and they seem to be implying that several people can play, co-op. It’s not clear at this time but the game looks hot!
The screamer-guy is literally on the edge of his seat…My ears are bracing for impact…
The player has used a device to disable everyone’s cell phones on the way to take out his target.
Target identified. We’re looking at an urban sprawl. Tons of data coming up about various people. Lines showing how people are interconnected. It looks a little like GTA, to be honest.
CTOS…Played within an open city and the city becomes your weapon. You’re Adrian Pierce and you have control over the entire city’s systems. Every bit of data…about everyone. GAMEPLAY TIME!
uhm…something about a centralized operating system…major cities being controlled by a computer…the computers being controlled by corporations…Data silos, information being turned against you. Nigerian email scams and hardcore pornography.
What’s Ubisoft up to, hmmmm???
Well, it looks like that’s it…they’re kind of doing a recap-gloss over of their online service now…And now moving on to Yves Guillemot talking about a new project they’ve been working on. Is this going to be the big one? Please? Tell me it’s the big one…TELL ME NOW DAMMIT!!!
the Railgun Allstars quickly get ahead 2:0 and the Rocket Angels come back to win one. In the 4th round, though, the women eat the big one and the WoW veteran captures the flag for the win.
7 time Russian counterstrike champ, 5 time world champ and 2 time Russian champ VS. A WoW Veteran, 12 time world counterstrike champ and world level pro in 8 different titles. Looks like we’re going to get to see them kick each other in the pills…except it’s girls VS. guys so…ovaries?
Shootmania Storm – An FPS tailored specifically for E-sports type competitive play. Gameplay incoming.
Ok…so…E-sports. Looks like Ubisoft is all about getting players competitive with their games, now…Final game announcement is always the big one so…here it comes.
WONDERFULLY smooth transitions from live gameplay to action cinematics. Very impressive. Live question – Fan wants to know if the main focus of the game will be on the English as the enemy. Short answer is “The enemy are the Templars, on both sides of the war”
Live gameplay graphics are typically smooth…Clipping seems nonexistent. In game cinematics are beautiful. This will, naturally, be another huge hit for Ubisoft.
It can be gaemplay tiem nao, pleez? IT SURE CAN!!
As expected, this trailer is breathtakingly gorgeous. We’re in the era of the American Revolution and the assassin is straight WRECKING the redcoats.
Aaaaaaaaaaand…George Washington Am Confirmed.
This ain’t him, but it IS a redcoat getting smashed.
Assassin’s Creed 3 incoming.
M rated survival horror FPS for the Wii U…and apparently, Justin Beiber entered the theater again, judging by the guy’s high pitched squeal. If I can find out who he’s with, I’ll totally chuck him under the bus.
Theme music for the trailer is “God save us all”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is ZombiU…Exclusive to Wii U.
The touch screen control on the Wii U looks very impressive. Super responsive, fast, clean…Slick.
Which, by the way, look VERY similar to 360 controllers.
We’ve got some Ray Man up on the Wii U. I’m going to be honest and say that it looks really pretty. Of course it’s very cartoon-y but it’s REALLY pretty.
And they’re saying “up to 5 players with Wii U remotes”
Now we’re up with some Wii U action. A very obnoxious man to my left just ripped out a full-on girl scream. I’m not sure if he was excited about the Wii U or if he thought Justin Beiber had just entered the theater but from the pitch of it, I’m going with the latter.
Looks like this one will be out on Wii U as well.
Next announcement on the block…Marvel Avengers – Battle for Earth.
Co-op gameplay confirmed for Blacklist, of course Spies VS Mercs is also comfirmed. Trailer time; It looks pretty. TOO pretty. Again, the lead character is Sam Fisher and, again, Michael Ironside appears to be out.
It’s time to talk about Splinter Cell, Blacklist.
Discussing freedom of movement and exploration : “An entire archipelago of islands for you to discover”. I really want this to be true because we have a major shortage of games which allow true freedom. Most claim to be but are more theme-park than anything else. Now, moving on…
Farcry 3 looks pretty intense, I’m not gonna lie.
We’re rocking video of this as well so make sure you check back for the full article to get ahold of the video of this.
As expected, Farcry 3 is very pretty. Nice water effects, underwater blur, vision blur when exiting water. The graphics have never been a problem with this one…
And some more gameplay love.
Now we’re going to have a look at Farcry 3. I’ve never been a fan of the Farcry series, due to a number of bugs and glitches I encountered but…this one has mostly naked chicks, so that’s a huge bonus.
Aaaaaaaand, gameplay incoming.
We have Aisha Tyler acting as MC
Ok, so we have dancers…and apparently they move like Jagger.
Flo-Rida has made an appearance here at Ubisoft’s Press Briefing.
The the first announcement is “Just Dance 4” releasing in October of 2012.
Nearly 5 minutes late, now. Finally they are starting.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND they’re late.
I just have to say this. Ubisoft could have picked a better place to do this briefing. The L.A. Theater is like 382 years old and is showing its age. The first 3 sinks I tried to wash my hands at, in the restroom didn’t work at all…the handles just spun. Good thing I got it on the 4th try because I’d hate to be publishing with peehands.
That’s me and Johnny doing srs bzns.
Well, we’re about 3 or 4 minutes from the start of the show. We’ll be hammering out photos and videos, on the quick. Stay tuned!
I just want everyone to know… that I’m not there.
Xbox Briefing is a wrap. No new console announced. I may just owe Nick a buck!
Broke into a flying sequence? Open range? Hrm…. Title Card, we’re out. Thanks for watching, guys! More conferences to come!
“Do you know how to fly?” “No”, says player character”, “Eh, well.” It’s an on-rails sequence.
TIME TO HOP IN THE F35!
Building collapsing, cloud of dust. Fade to blurry moment
All of the broken glass panels are exactly the same.
I really want this stadium. The acoustics are pretty nice.
Make no mistake, ladies and gentlmen, this is a Call of Duty game. I haven’t seen any of the branching path stuff they had been talking about before. Quadrocopter’s floating around with them.
“Shiiiiiii!” as he falls down a highway. Cut to an open mall.
You now have a special rifle that allows you to kill people through things.
Maybe in the future there is, but there are a million UAVs crashing into stuff. Like Obama would let that happen, AMIRITE?
F35 floats above the player as he commands her. Back to guns as they march. Skyscrapers look painted to skybox.
Explosions and stuff are going down! This game looks gorgeous, like the other COD games. Anti-aircraft game sequence as you lock onto multiple bogies like Warhawk.
They’re in LA, racing toward downtown LA. That’s here!!!!
We’re in a transport with the President on a blown up road. BONAVENTURE HOTEL MENTION.
Oh, it’s Call of Duty, Black Ops 2. Was wondering where that went. “We built computers. Robots. Whole unmanned armies. No one ever asked what happened when the enemy steals the keys.” Good question.
Call of Duty, Black ops 2. Content to be Xbox Exclusive.
Another blockbuster game?
Something big’s brewing…
Wrapping up. “Xbox is bringing in a new golden age of entertainment.” Groans in he crowd. Mattrick smiles, gets tripped up.
Mattrick back on stage!
Flawless Finish, of course!
Usher’s dance is not matching what’s playing on the screen.
He just back flipped! BACK FLIP! Can you do that? USHER DID.
His shirt is ripped up, I thought he was successful and ufll of money. Look at Usher twisting on the stage!
Usher has moves, guys.
Usher am confirmed.
I can now punch him for bringing the world Justin Bieber.
Usher worked with Harmonix to get moves straight out of his videos and his concerts! OMG, USHER IS HERE. MY WAY, WHAT I SAY GOES AND I’M IN CONTROL!
Dance Central 3. Surprise, yo.
“Since we do everything at the last minute, like the show, we have to go work on this right now.
“Where is Kyle’s house?” They had to ponder in building this game.
“We had to make a game that looked like South Park, which is crappy.”
This is amazing.
Create your own South Park avatar. “Holy Fucking Shit!” Cartman says. TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE ARE HERE!
“Jews can’t be saviors” Cartman says.
Launching this summer, after showing a round taking five million years to be guided to its target. Now South Park RPG?
Launch ammunition with gestures, then use more gestured to after-touch them. Pretty cool.
Alex Ruiz from Xbox Live now and cheerful music. Kinect? This is Wreckateer. It’s Angry Birds, but with 3D.
ZOMBIES AWAIT THESE PEEPS by the millions, it appears, as they crash land into an arena.
Yeah, this game’s not for me. Helicopter scrapes by a train.
Helicopter is crashing, of course.
Zombie stands there as it receives two bullets. to the chest. The player probably could’ve sat there for another half hour beforei t reacted. Now a big chase sequence by flames. Guy hops out of helicopter for some stupid reason to help. That’s not helping!
Dont open the dooooor!
Combat still looks a little stilted as the baddies sit there static as you unload ammo into them. Zombies explode into huge gore.
I don’t play these games, but this looks like Gears. It’s gorgeous.
Resident Evil 6 now. These people have hair that looks like bread loaves.
Matter, is the game, comes out next year. Kinect? Erm.
Gore Verbinski’s game now. Looks like Marble Ultra Blast meets TRON meets Portal. So sick looking.
This is Iris, being read off like a car promo video.Looks like TRON bike. LocoCycle from TwistedPixel.
Oh man, people getting ripped up. Ascend: New Gods.
Lots of blood and stamping and swinging and man, oh yeah.
Three exclusives being unveiled. XBLA stuff, it looks like. This is Signal from the Toy Soldiers guys.
Twisted Pixel name drop.
The first piece of DLC will be available first on Xbox 360, because duh. Phil is back.
So she’s in a scripted hang-gliding sequence now. Really cuts down replayability. Also, she’s falling out of the sky, hitting a tree and every branch on it. They like beating her up. She’s now out of breath with a limp and bloodied.. Trips.
Jurassic Park 2 moment?
Looks like she’s QTE’ing across a river. And down a waterfall. Crazy. Slows for bullet time spots to knock out obstacles. I love the particulate and water on the camera. In an airplane now, glass cracking behind her Lost World-style. She falls, presses a button to deploy a parachute.
Those are visual effects, not poor camera shooting. ;)
Lara is setting a lot of dudes on fire. “I’m on fire!” one says.
*Lara crashes through roof violently* “What was that?” “I don’t know!”
Beautiful setting as Lara dodges around a turret and knocks a guy off a cliff. She looks like a frightened Julia Stiles now
They’re about to show off Tomb Raider, wit ha Hunger Games-inspired Lara.
Xbox Entertainment coming to Windows 8. Surprise!
*Using his Lumia 900
I lol when they’re playing a video and trying to make it look like the presenter is actually making it work so…LOL.
Ok annoying lady, whatever. Shut up and let me do the things I want to do.
He’s moving the cursor with the WinPho on the Aston Martin browser, pinching and zooming, clipping links and that.
“Attention ladies and gentlemen, for your safety, no standing sitting or block the aisles.”
Video looks choppy and crud through the browser. They’re playing a Prometehus clip.
Talking about the web browser, something I’ve always abhorred in a console. They’re “doing it right”. Internet Explorer is coming to Xbox 360, has favorites like Pinterest and fiddler. “Next.” “Next.”
I’m very happy for Verizon’s 3G service in here. And the ridge in the hinge of my laptop that holds up my phone. I’ve never been so intimately close to my electronics…
HELL YA HE IS!
He is using a blue Lumia 900 (like Keith’s) to control the Xbox UI.
Halo 4, you can the Infinity and it pops up on your tablet. Get a game invite on your tablet, it saves the game and leaves for a match. That part’s cool.
OH SNAP, this is like Wii U stuff! Use a Windows 8 tablet to “draw” out a play and then it happens on your Xbox.
Can Keith photobomb our own liveblog?
Seems like a lot of work, I wonder how many content providers are going to be hot for this.
We’re about 15 minutes away and the place continues to fill up. most of the balcony seats are full and they’re moving to the nosebleeds.
Let’s hear it for being early and getting floor seats, 30 feet from the main stage.
I’ve always wanted to know trivial uber-nerd info when I’m watching a show, so now, here it is.
With seating the way it is, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone walks out with a blood clot.
Xbox. Favorites. Xbox… Favorites.
This is continuous client stuff. Pause a movie on one device, move it over to another device. Meta info on the tablet while it continues playing.
I have been sweating a bit. I’m just not in the condition to be standing… or not eating.
Games are more thrilling, candy is sweeter, earthquakes shake more with Smart Glass!
The atmosphere here is palpable. No wait, that’s just sweat. The plus side, the music has changed.
They’re showing three screens on the screen, it looks like iCloud. This is Smart Glass. “Ho?” Rob grunts.
Xbox Smartglass? Wazzat?
Time for some chit-chat with the head of Xbox Live.
Keith is laughing at me.
Nick has been clearly star struck today.
Mark Whitten, head of Xbox Live. “Can you imagine life without your mobile or tablet?” No.
Tim Stevens of Engadget even walked by after they’d just done a recording for some future video segment with Joystiq.
You guys don’t get this in the videos or SpikeTV (eww) coverage, but the lights they’ve synchronized with the videos are awesome. This is an actual Microsoft Studios game, by the way.
Nike Plus will set up personalized workouts for you. This includes regular assessments of gains, reminders, etc…Sounds kinda cool, really.
So while we were in queue, thankfully toward the front, Giant Bomb’s Drew Scanlon and Vinny Caravella walked by. They did not seemed enthused by my greeting :( Jeff came by a little later, but he had mean eyes on and I didn’t want to bother him.
This isn’t CrossFit, color me uninterested.
This is probably a dream for Keith. He’s probably going to dream about it.
Toniiiight, we are yooooouuuuung…
We’re on the floor, right in the center, about ten rows back. Bunch of CG footage of balls and 3D projections are bouncing around the stage panels.
If you have a body, you’re an athlete. – Nike, 2012.
NIKE+ dude. He looks like Bradley Cooper.
5:00am: Wake up call
5:15am – Second wake up call
6:00am – Kelly leaves to get Pepto
6:05am – Everyone else goes down to the lobby to find the shuttle
6:11am – Shuttle found, however, Kelly is missing…
6:15am – Kelly finally appears, but then realizes he doesn’t have his press badge
6:29am – Kelly returns just in time
6:30am – Shuttle departs
6:39am – We wait in the wrong line for 10 minutes
6:49am – We find the right line
7:00am – The parade of nerds begins as journalists from all over the world join us in line
7:10am – We get our wrist bands. Now we can swim in the big pool!
7:20am – We secretly make fun of the Engadget guys from afar, but really we’re just envious of their hardware
7:30am – Johnny loses count of the number of people in skinny jeans
7:32am – Johnny starts counting Priuses instead
7:41am – Keith notices that all of the Xbox event helpers in green shirts are female
7:49am – Rob unleashes the first stare of the day on Keith
8:05am – We chat with Jonathan Batzios and the guys from imgmr.com
8:15am – No one agrees with Rob that Microsoft will announce new hardware
8:26am – Keith says, “I would be glad to get GLADD mad!”
8:31am – Kelly tells a dumb joke, then tries to cover by telling Johnny to note that at 8:31am he told a dumb joke. No one hears…
8:39am – Rob frightens and offends those around him in line with another rant about Star Wars Old Republic
8:43am – Doors finally open…
8:55am – After bathroom breaks and such, we’re finally seated.
They’re playing We Are Young by Fun. Like I haven’t heard this song a bajillion times already…
We’ve been at this for a while now…Up at 0500. Johnny’s been keeping a journal. Here’s what’s on his mind.
Hey there, peeps! we’re sitting in a super tight row listening to Fun.’s “We Are Young”. What a ridiculous song. Who likes that song? *glares at Kelly*
What’s this? Kinect Fitness with Nike? Ok, I can see that…
Fitness…. Dancing in place? What is this?
Kinect transforms entertainment, Kinect release creativity. This is the future of fitness, yo!
This teaser ad looks like a mix between early Zune commercials and Xbox 36y0 promos. Smart DJ, everything is on here with the same icons as Zune. Oh, I already miss Zune. Triangles everywhere in Zune colors.
Xbox Music. Is this really an announcement or is it just them telling us stuff we already knew? Funny how it reminds me of the Zune I bought YEARS ago.
Sitting, waiting, figuring out the live blog situation.
MUSIC! EXCITING NEWS! Music Service they’ve always dreamt of delivering. 30 million tracks, share and enjoy. Xbox Music. We’re going to release it on Xbox 360 and Windows 8 tablets and phones. SNEAK PEAK, but no Windows… before?
I’ll be honest…I don’t even want to discuss the Xbox Sports Interactivity thing…My level of cynicism is legendary.
Lumia 900, he knows where it’s at.
Why (How?) are there so many ESPNs?
The light clusters above us look like UFOs.
NBA League Pass to Xbox. Makes sense. Game Center for NHL. 40 games per week and other… sports stuff.
MOAR UFC means MOAR bloody knockouts. Hotness!
“Let’s talk about sports!” Sigh.
Nickelodeon, Paramount, Machinima and Univision coming to xbox.
Four new content providers. Nickelodeon. They were cool when I was a kid, yo. Also, the similarly provided Paramount. Machinima now (did MS give them m, too?) and Univision.
Well, the Kinect has nice multilingual support, as just witnessed.
Bing in 12 more countries. He’s demonstrating it in Spanish for the new Mexico audience. That’s cool.
Xbox – hargfnargle….*PORN*
Voice search? What if you have a speech impediment?
Xbox. Action. Xbox. Science Fiction.
Bing Voice Search made things 4x faster, yo. They’re gonna make it even simpler. You can sort by genre now. Demo. Xbox, Bing Comedies, he says.
It’s no Project Gotham Racing, but okay. Yusuf Mehdi on stage now. Woodstock time?
Crashing cars, damage and flipping, OMG! and a helicopter, causing stuff. I want to see all of this. October 23rd, 2012.
Is that Skrillex? Sounds like Skrillex.
Night racing, it’s got a NFS: The Run feel. Also: WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB.
FORZA HORIZON IN COLORADO! If you don’t get here by 10PM, you’re not gonna win! Viper racing down a dirt road, that always reminds me of Colorado, some Dirt-style physics, rally?
Gears of War “Judgment” in 2013.
Hell is going down and a shacked Baird and Cole Train are smirking and shooting dudes. 2012.
Gears Of War continues? Yeah, that just happened.
Oh, Gears first. Fine, whatever.
“OOOOOOOOOh here we go” ok, he didn’t say that. #badpicturetiming
FORZA HORIZON, SHOW ME THIS THING.
Phil Spencer on stage now. Only the best game are on Xbox, he says. This will the biggest year for Xbox games.
Fable “The Journey”
Fable The Journey. Oh man, the Kinect one. Lots of explosions and stuff. and green diamonds being flown out. This looks like it’s gonna be tiring. That’s fine for a Kienct game, though. Harry Potter stuff going on. I wonder if you can actually summon plasmas with Kinect. Like they’ll add that.
“Brings back some memories” Right.
Joe Montana just might have an advantage as a former quarterback! “I’m always up for a challenge.” he says. The due called him John.
I don’t think they’ve made a better looking football game they started this gen, everyone still shifts around like robots.
Crab tree, streak, set hike!
Yet more kinect support…Allowing plays to be called vocally, as well as audibles.
Madden is here. for another year, yo. “Set, Hike” Montana says into the Kinect, controller in hand.
Joe Montana is here to announce Madden 417.
Joe Montana on stage,yo.
So…FIFA 13 has Kinect support and you’ll get in deep shit with the refs if you react poorly to their calls, from your couch. Because…ok…
Oh, if you swear during a game, you get penalized IN THE GAME. Available in multiple languages and dialects. This guy has an interesting accent. “Unviling”.
He looks angry. He’s not, I just happened to have bad timing.
EA sports…FIFA 13…Because we need another one, right?
FIFA 13, now featuring… soccer. More soccer this year? Oh, it has Kinect. You can command “action on the pitch”. So you use baseballs now?
EA Sports. This is the part where I go silent for a bit. Or say something less meaning ful.
Wait, this can’t be a prequel, there’s a UAV involved and modern tech. I don’t get it, what’s going on here.
Guy tries to take out his computers by shooting the monitors out. GOD DAMN AMERICANS, ALWAYS PLAYING COWBOY! says the terrorist leader.
Plant that charge!
Sounds like Jennifer Hale (Cortana) on the radio. Some guys talking in a room, they’re coming toward ya, SAM!!!!
They got a guard to come over and investigate by talking at the kinect. Niiiiice. Also, directing missile strikes by voice.
Sam is just rushing through these things as the flanks a turret emplacement.
This guy sounds like the original Sam Fisher from the Splinter Cell promo videos, circa 2001.
I alreayd miss Michael Ironside as a truck with baddies rolls up.
OMG, Luring a guard to the edge of a balcony with Kinect. “Hey, you!”
This is all very surgical death. Parkour and Assassin’s Creed-style climbing. Skulking through camp now.
New Splinter Cell just announced. “Black List”. The voice of Sam Fisher is NOT Michael Ironside, at this time. The demo player just Mozambiqued a terrorist.
Bullet time lock on, out of Voncition, if I remember.
This isn’t Sam, this is a new dude, this terrain looks awesome. Theyr’e chasing down Blacklist targets. This is the Iran-Iraq border. Oh, this is Sam, it’s a prequel I guess.
The guy reveals his face, I don’t know who it is. UBisoft. Ubisoft Toronto. Splinter Cell Blacklist.
Locking on to these two guys like targets. INSTANT DEATH! Blood flying everywhere in this tent.
Press A screen, guy is carrying another dude in a canyon. Press A to “something in Arabic”. They’re crowding around him.
This holiday, we’re going to take entertainment console beyond the console to phones and beyond. Video now.
Xbox brings all your entertainment in one spot. Did you know that? Music? Games? Videos. Movies?
This is Mattrick’s 17th E3. Xbox 360 went from #1 selling console in North America, now worldwide, too. Looks like they’ll be widening that gap with PS3.
Wow. Cortana’s pissed. Just sayin.
Cortana has been alive for 8 years, they only last 7, dies. Don Mattrick is on stage now.
The HUD-based videos look awesome. HE’s being surrounded by Chozoz now. Gets thwacked. Now montage shot of DUNDUNDUNDUN action.
It sounds like Metroid’s soundtrack. Really, a lot. I’m having Prime flashbacks.
“I recognized it’s design…It’s FORERUNNER”
Oh man, guns are snapping together in the air, madness. Chief is now chasing the flyhing bit as new stuff spawns from the ground.
Massive bass drop…felt like getting kicked in the chest.
WOAH, this dude just crashed down, looks like a Chozoz dude. Bass is rumbling like mad. Spawning dragon fly helicopters from its back. Like an avatar or something.
New bug critters, look like Imulsion bugs. Defense AI’s? Not Covenant, definitely, Cortana says.
Scouts? … grunts again. Aww man. And an Elite that dissolves into thin air. Looks up into the trees, god rays spewing down. Reminds me a little of the beginning of Halo 3.
Gameplay happening right now.
In-game now? That’s the UNSC Infinity that crashed. We’re watching this. Lush jungle. Beautiful battle rifle.
Jungle now, Master Chief chilling with the trees, yo.
Master Chief is just watching as this thing lands. Wow, I didn’t think 343 could come up with something so new and epic, but oh man, this giant thing’s now behind Master Chief. A big MEtroid ball.
Hal0 4 just announced. VERY loudly.
They got strobes to go with the video. This crashing ship is so awesome. MASTER CHIEF! The ship is crashing, oh no….
Uh oh, stuff’s going on. This is so bad. People are getting sucked out of the ship.
They’re talking about this ship a lot, and, uh, well, stuff’s going on. A big scanner.
And it’s time.
Halo, obviously. Beautiful ship. Looks like Grand Moff Tarkin on a bridge. “Home to 17,000 of our best, our brightest”
It’s dark. Super dark. video this. 4 years since the end of the war.
It’s starting, got dark. “Welcome to the Xbox MEdia Briefing. Intro video now.
The nosebleeds are filling up
No. The smoke is Rob smoking his electronic altoid jar.
They’ve turned on the fog machines so it’s officially ready to start. Either that or there’s a HUGE fire back stage! Hopefully a homeless person didn’t eat some bath salts and attack the lighting guys.
Trying out a shortcut key, because I can.
They want us to turn off our mobiles and, well, that’s not happening.
My view. Greaaaat.
I’m bumping into the IMGMR guys. They’re from Canada, they don’t mind! (Maybe…)
5 minute warning just dropped
FIVE MINUTES, YO.
Rob’s just jealous.
I wish J Allard were here.
I’m really, REALLY concerned about the number of 50+ year old men wearing tight emopants.
Oh no, Gotye’s playing. Ohhhh nooooo……
We just changed the server over to PST to avoid time/space paradox.
This is a super funky jam they’re playing.