Angry Birds Is The Devil

So…the Angry Birds phenomenon is wreaking havoc across the globe. I have people from all over the world on my various messenger lists who regularly comment about this brilliant little piece of software. Everything from admitting how addicted they are to casting eternal curses upon the creators. The comments are everywhere

If you haven’t at least heard of Angry Birds, yet, you’ve either just stepped out of a time machine from 1932 or you’ve been living in a radical religious dictatorship which doesn’t allow people to play games on their cell-phones…or use deodorant. It’s taken the world by storm and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down.

So for those of you who just stepped out of the way-back machine, Angry Birds is a game about birds…angry birds…who are angry…REALLY angry…at some pigs. It seems these pigs took it upon themselves to shanghai the birds’ eggs and, naturally, this pissed off our fine feathered friends.

They cried fowl…

Yeah, I know. Lame fucking joke. Trust me, you’ll get over it.

So now the birds are angry and it’s time to take action, which comes in the form of various winged avengers sling-shotting themselves (ok, you’re the one controlling the slingshot) at various makeshift structures in which the little porkchops are hiding, attempting to make the little piggies into sweet, sweet bacon sandwiches by either colliding with them or making the structure fall on them.

Sounds pretty basic?

It’s like CRACK…laced with heroin…mixed with crystal meffs.

Yeah. It’s that addictive.

So you get points for killing the piggies, points for breaking objects, points for finding golden eggs (which also gets you access to special levels) and then access to even MORE special levels if you manage to get a 3 star rating on every level (not very easy to accomplish).

Filled with silly sounds, laughing pigs and boxes of TNT, Angry Birds will take over your life. In a few week’s time you’ll quit your job and sell your kids for food money just to get a little bit more time to play.

Beware.