Late To The Game – Xbox Live Haters

Posted by on May 19, 2011 at 1:18 pm

This article was provided by guest contributor Ryan.

I recently (finally) signed up for XBox Live. More on that after the break…

I’ve had my console for quite some time now and have used it to play several popular games. Call of Duty: Black Ops (or, as it is commonly abbreviated amongst hardcore gamers, Cal of Dty: Blck O’s) is a game that I pretend to like because other people seem to really like it a lot and I don’t want to feel left out.

Inversely, another game I like to play but don’t admit to enjoying is the Indiana Jones Lego game. The best part about this game is that I can pretend that I am spending quality time with my three year-old daughter who likes to watch the game. Of course, I would introduce my closed-fist to her face if she laid a single digit on the controller during gameplay but my wife doesn’t really know that. Consequently I manage to score some “no-nagging” play under the auspices of quality father-daughter time (a trite phrase I heard from some hippie).

Lastly, and most importantly, I play Madden 11. I play Madden 11 (Did I just say that twice, or do I play so much that you saw that sentence twice? I guess you’ll never know).

Which brings us back to my XBox Live experience.

It took me awhile to become accustomed to the differences between playing football against a predictable CPU versus playing an actual strategical human. I think I have it figured it out now because I have begun to mount a decent win streak (I don’t mean that I have climbed atop a win streak and started deflowering it, I just mean… actually, you know what? That’s exactly what I mean).

In the last game I played, I held a higher ranked player to two scores that came only from a lucky fumble recovery and a well executed kickoff return. Other than that, he had no offensive success to speak of. After the game finished with scoreboard looking more lopsided than the face of my elderly neighbor after her stroke, I got a message from my opponent:

“nice lag control. I guess cheaters DO win”

Which was lame because:

1. I’m too stupid and new to this to even know what lag control is, and

2. If I was really cheating, I would be a little more discreet than to totally kick his trash up and down the field.

I messaged him back with a much more diplomatic response. He has yet to reply. This is setting up to be the most questionable 15 dollars I have ever spent (which is no small feat considering I just dropped a similar amount of money on a straw cowboy hat for a country music festival. What’s that about?).

Oh, well. Like my 3 year-old daughter always says:

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  • No…we call it COD BLOPS. Lol.

    • That sound like some sort of hip slang for fish dookie.  “Don’t drink ocean water, it’s full of COD BLOPS”.