It’s Okay Randy Pitchford, Duke Nukem Forever Just Isn’t A Good Game

Posted by on June 10, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Dear Gearbox Head Honcho and Duke Nukem Advocate, Randy Pitchford,

Recently, you told us that we would be held accountable to our readers if we scored Duke Nukem Forever toward the negative. Well, you better start the Inquisition now, because you’ve got a long road ahead of you.

Let me just say that we’re already on a bad footing: we hated the demo you gave us. I had money aside to pick this game up after its legendary development, like a strange tribute to a resurrected god. No longer. I wish I could say we were alone in the matter, but as the reviews are making the rounds, we see a somewhat universal revolt against this new funk.

PC Gamer, who gave the game a decent 80%, had a decent affair with the game, minus the dated pop culture references.

Though Duke still delivers several chuckles per level by quoting ’90s films like Pulp Fiction and Starship Troopers and jabbing at Halo, it’s noticeable that he’s been living under a rock for quite some time.

We realize it’s difficult to add new references to modern culture, so we’ll give you a pass.

Joystiq, however, was not nearly as kind with a razor sharp 2 out of 5. They had beef. Hell, they even titled it “Fail to the King”:

What has, at long last, been committed to a disc and placed into a box might have been alright a dozen years ago, but by today’s standards it simply doesn’t hold up.

I actually spent a lot of that time unsure of where to go next, trying to get past areas that suddenly spiked in difficulty, resetting to previous checkpoints because enemies had stopped taking damage and generally waiting.

And finally:

DNF remains a sort of relic – a reminder of how things used to be and how, thankfully, the genre and the people who enjoy it have grown up and moved on.

The Guardian also killed you:

And then there’s the load time. The game is tough – a good thing – and you’re regularly thrown into hard-fought battles with multiple enemies and rampaging bosses. You will die, frequently, and often after only 30 seconds or so of action … And you then have to wait some 45 seconds or so to have another go. If you think the Duke’s pissed off, see how you feel after 20 minutes of that.

And the final blow:

… it’s hard to see modern gamers responding to an, at best, average game.

Look Randy, we get it. You’re passionate about bringing this legendary juggernaut to life, the one thing your former employer couldn’t do. We get that it would’ve been taken years to fix 14 years of errors and there’s no need to apologize for it. You’ll get a trophy for getting the game onto a disc at all. You’re still cool with us, anyway, we loved Borderlands.

Just stop propping up this game. Let it go.

Your pals,


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