Zynga Files for $1,000,000,000.00 IPO. Brace For MASSIVE Health Insurance Break Down.

Posted by on July 3, 2011 at 12:40 am

Cityville, Farmville, Frontierville, Mafia Wars, Cafe World…

These titles are as close to household names as anything has been in years…maybe decades. Well, now the creator of these Facebook based games is looking to go public and share some of the pie.

In the wake of changes made to the way Facebook requires its programming partners to communicate with the social networking giant, Zynga has made the decision to take their show on the road and lay down a massive IPO offering because, in their words, “These changes limited the level of communication among users about applications on the Facebook platform. As a result, the number of our players on Facebook declined”

According to documents filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, Zynga – who boasts nearly 150 million active, unique, users – is looking to open up to the public with a billion dollars worth of shares. Some sources estimate Zynga could actually pull as much as $2 billion in revenue from this IPO, placing the value of the company between $15b and $20 billion.

While this isn’t terribly new news (the prospectus was filed 2 days ago) we at FleshEatingZipper think the fact that the S-1 is out in the public, ready to be viewed is pretty hot so we’ve linked to it. Feel free to pop on over and give it a look. It’s ok…We’ll still be here when you’re finished drooling over it.

So what does this mean for Facebook, Zynga and *ville fans? Well, if Zynga raises enough money through the IPO and its various private offerings (Institutional Venture Partners, Digital Sky Technologies and Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers are a few of the companies who own portions of Zynga) it could, conceivably, walk away from Facebook which would, I’m sure, be a huge kick to the dingaling for our dear friend Mr. Zuckerberg.

I’m pretty certain he’s not looking forward to the idea of a couple hundred million people no longer needing to be on Facebook to get their [insert ANYTHING here]ville fix.

The money generated from the IPO would also allow Zynga to create even more titles for players around the world to get divorced over. Think of the possibilities…

Hotdog Tycoon – Run a hot dog stand and make virtual billions by expanding your virtual frankenfurter empire

Pencil Sharpener Land – Run a pencil sharpener store and make virtual billions by expanding your virtual sharpening empire

Airville – Gather some air and make virtual billions by expanding your virtual air

Teaspoon Shop – Run a tea spoon store and make virtual billions by expanding your virtual stirring implement empire

Eye-dropper Mogul – Run an eye-dropper conglomerate and make virtual billions by expanding your virtual ocular moistening empire

And, of course, the new mega-smash hit:

I-haven’t-gotten-my-ass-out-of-this-chair-in-3-monthsville – Sit on your ever-widening ass and have a heart attack because you haven’t even been able to motivate yourself to break long enough for a shower, since last Tuesday, while you personally waste insurance dollars going to a cardiologist (with your tablet in hand because, god damnit, you’re about to level up and get more energy) who tells you to get off your gelatinous duff and do some laps but you can’t be bothered because if you do you might not be there when your crops are ready to be harvested and that could throw you off your schedule.

But think of all the social interaction you’ll get from all of the people you’ve “made friends with” on Facebook so you could get them to send you all of the little trinkets and baubles and other useless fucking nonsense you need to make that supa-groovy mustard dispenser that, somehow, nets you an extra buck for each sausage you manage to sell.

What…a sack…of shit…

To be honest, though, I wish Mark Pincus the best of luck. I hope he does really well and makes lots of money. I’m not, at all, a fan of Zynga games but who am I to hate on someone because they’re rolling in dough. I also hope his charities do well because…well…charities are good and wholesome and deserve to do well. Also, you can bet your left kidney that as soon as this shit goes public, I’ll be elbowing fuckers in the face to be the first in line to scoop up some Zynga stock.

I just wish they’d make something worth playing.


How about “Click-on-the-hot-chick-to-see-her-titsville”? Yeah…I’d play that.

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