Sometimes I need a snack that’s thin, made of wheat, and comes in several flavors that fall right in my tasty wheelwell. Triscuits are great, but they’re too thick. Fruit By The Foot is great, but it’s not made of wheat. Something else that isn’t flavorful enough simply isn’t flavorful enough. Wheat Thins, which I keep typing as ‘Wheat Things’, are surprising in their depth. You eat a few of them and you feel like you’ve had a great experience. You know what goes great with Wheat Thins?
Cottage cheese. No, I realize that the cottage cheese industry isn’t paying me to provide an incredible advertising experience, but Wheat Thins are. And Wheat Thins wants you to do what you do. Like Alex Trebek? That dude knows a lot. He’s been doing Jeopardy! for, like, twenty years. I imagine if you did that show for that long, you’d know plenty. Maybe more trivial stuff than useful things, like I imagine you’d still need help haggling at the car dealership, but you could probably win at Jeopardy! like Ken Jennings.
Well, anyway, Wheat Thins are a fantastic snack and they embrace individuality just like you do. You’re not like the others, but in a way you are, because you love Wheat Thins, and Wheat Thins loves FleshEatingZipper and you know this because they are sponsoring us right now, with this ad!