Kum & Go’s Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza Review: It’s Delicious

Posted by on February 14, 2013 at 7:16 pm
Pickles are nature's way of telling me to love all things.

“I knew the night I saw you on the showroom floor, you were meant for me.”

Unless you live in the American midwest, a Kum & Go is not within reach. In short, it’s an upscale C-store/gas station where smiling employees in pressed white shirts and khakis greet you from their dais. They started opening a number of these in the Springs just recently and they came to my attention primarily because of Kelly’s unbridled love of breakfast-themed foods, including the legendary Breakfast Pizza. (We even made a quick stop last year on our way to LA for E3.) One whole wall in each Kum & Go is a dedicated kitchen where you can have said pizzas and other foods made, including the number you see above: a gorgeous pickle-tinged Bacon Cheeseburger pizza. My heart was simply incomplete until I had one.

2PM is probably the best time to go anywhere in broad daylight. Seriously. It’s post-lunch and pre-rush hour and services like the Kum & Go’s aren’t all clogged up with other, y’know, people. I pulled up and after the friendly guy in the kitchen wondered if I needed help (after confirming said pizza was available), he noted my order and size. I don’t know if they actually have other sizes, but he shot me a glance and made the ‘large size’ gesture.


He said it’d take about ten minutes, so I was happy to peruse the rest of the store’s goodies. I had no idea, but they have a corner of the store dedicated to their various coffees and pastries. There were still a number of donuts left and, me having the large heart that I do, considered purchasing them all, as if I had found a box full of puppies. Then, I remembered how terrible of an idea it would be to have two full boxes of donuts sitting in my kitchen. Since I don’t let food go to waste, I would lord over their consumption to the very end. I would probably want to die. The rest of the store isn’t quite as imaginative. An aisle for “dry” treats like jerky. An aisle for candy: chocolate, sour, and minty. Then there’s the front-facing lane that has all the motor oil and anti-freeze for motorists in trouble. Condoms. Just in case. Did I tell you that you get a free 2-liter Pepsi soda with purchase of a large pizza? You sure do. I picked out a Sierra Mist Natural because, honestly, it looked the least sugar-y. I am no judge in nutrition amongst beverages that are obviously the least nutritious.

Ten minutes passed and the pizza was ready. My Bacon Cheeseburger pizza.

Guys. It's pretty good.

Guys. It’s pretty good. one of the few instances where the food matches the promotional dressing.

I am not verbally equipped to be a food critic. This pizza is yummy. I would have finished it by now, hours later, but that Sierra Mist Natural has surely defeated my drive. It tastes like a cheeseburger, sans the greasy terrible feeling that usually comes with a pie of this flavor. The crust is softer than I expected and the bacon texture counters with a jab, like Grape Nuts sandwiched in soft white bread. I can’t say I’ve ever done that, but I imagine it’s a subtle version of that. The pickles, the highlight of the whole venture, actually produce a kind of sweetness to the whole thing. You can get cheeseburger/meat-themed pizzas anywhere, but with pickles? The last time I ever had one was at Valentino’s, a pizza buffet we went to often when we lived in Nebraska. Why don’t more chefs take advantage of pickles? I guess it doesn’t freeze all that well. Maybe it doesn’t cook all that well, either. The net effect, and this may be a weird example beyond your brain, is a bit like sprinkling mustard on your pizza, which I do often on Totino’s Party Pizzas straight out of the grocer’s freezer. It’s fantastic, you should try it! (Bonus tip: sprinkle parmesan on top of that!)

Now, I’ve had several of Kum & Go’s Breakfast Pizzas and I can tell you that within a short period, my throat becomes a vessel of vicious acidic magma without the help of half a bottle of Tums. The Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza? No such drama, but I’ll keep you posted.

All in all, it’s difficult to imagine such incredible pizza flavors coming a gas station based out of Iowa of all places, but the Kum & Go Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza has conquered my expectations.

9/10 FleshEatingZipper

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