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Does The Twinkie Really Need To Come Back?

Posted by on March 13, 2013 at 12:44 pm
They're so... delicious?

They’re so… delicious?

When Hostess announced last year that they had no option but to enter bankruptcy and liquidate the company, people rushed groceries stores everywhere to gobble up a slice of Americana that was quickly slipping away. Do you know what I’ve missed in the time since those Hostess cakes disappeared off store shelves? Not Twinkies, not Ho-Hos, not Donettes, nor any Dolly Madison product. Not because the competition hasn’t already been in place for years making arguably better product, but because maybe we should keep them retired.

So, yes, it’s unfortunate that some angel investor is paying nearly half a billion dollars to bring these back to life, by summertime even, a chunk of the year when kids should be investing in these treats the least.

Gee whiz, listen to me, I sound like an old person. I’m not even opposed to some of these treats. I like donut holes from time to time or cakes full of white, fluffy cream. I know they’re terrible for me, I’ve always known they were terrible for me, but in the loss of the Twinkie, a “food” with arguably negative nutritional value, there was perhaps a silver lining that American could bounce back from becoming itself: a rotund blob of fatty mass. Like we could somehow pull the revolver out of our collective mouths for just a minute and just let the dead stay buried and other resurrective metaphors. I understand that competitors have been soaking up the low-margin marketshare that Hostess left behind, but keeping Twinkies and their ilk off the streets sounds like an ideological victory at the very least.

I realize I’m just as much a hypocrite as any, but couldn’t we get a little help?

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