Number Of iPhone 4S Users Still Using Siri After A Week: None

Posted by on October 15, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Siri is going to revolutionize how we use phones. Siri is the first real implementation of voice commands ever. Siri is going to be worth upgrading to an iPhone 4S. You know what no one mentions about Siri? That it’s a cool parlor trick at best, something to show your friends. “Hey Siri, where can I dump a dead body?” “Hey Siri, close the pod bay doors!” Then wait for the cute responses! I’m not giving it enough credit though, Siri is a cool trick, but iPhone users are going to discover something about voice commands that Android users have secretly known for years…

…no one wants to talk to their phone. Ever. You’re going to use it alone at best. Use it in a crowd and risk two things:

– The noise is going to drown out whatever you were going to say anyway (it already has enough issues understanding you in a quiet room).

– You’re explaining these actions to everyone around you. Do you really need to tell a group of strangers on a bus that you’re calling Christina? Or that you need to schedule an appointment for your dentist at 7AM tomorrow? No, you don’t. That’s just weird.

That Siri ties itself into a multitude of Apple’s applications is impressive, it certainly has the potential to rule the world if talking into your phone seems that much more efficient in the long run than simply opening an app and doing it manually. In many cases, sure, it genuinely makes many workflows easier. The problem is that it eliminates the discretion in using your phone in public, where you can secretly accomplish thousands of tasks without disturbing anyone else. It’s bad enough to hear some business traveler yelling in an airport at the guy in his Bluetooth headset, but now you get to hear a bunch of people inserting tasks into their phones, remind themselves about flowers they have to pick up for their unloving significant others, and carrying on with themselves.

Siri is poised to revolutionize the industry in much the same way Che Guevera did: through ruthless guerrilla tactics destined to destroy your way of life. A life with Siri is ultimately not one worth living, especially when you’ve just plunked down y dollars for a stat revision on Apple’s last iPhone.

It’s not worth it guys. For those who’ve already drank the Kool-aid, I’m sorry. It’s going to be cool asking Siri how many hookers you could kill in an hour so many times!

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