ABC’s New Years Resolution: No More Dick

Posted by on January 1, 2012 at 8:47 am

Remember the time when Dick Clark was coherent and Ryan Seacrest was no where to be found? Yeah, me neither. But tradition is tradition, right? I guess that’s why ABC still thinks it’s a great idea to put Dick Clark in front of a camera and talk.

Before you frantically sign in to DISQUS so you can smite me with your earsplitting whining, hear me out on this one. Yes, I know Dick Clark had a stroke back in 2004. Yes, I know it was horrible. And yes, it ruined my 2004 New Years Eve. The matter at hand however is that Dick Clark can no longer talk without sounding like he jammed an entire bag of peanut butter covered marshmallows in his mouth. It’s become more than embarrassing. It’s like that cringing awkward feeling you get when watching The Office. When you need to turn on the subtitles for an English speaking show — it’s time to replace a host.

Part of me, a very sick part of me, hopes that they keep bringing him back. Mimicking Dick Clark added an entire new level of entertainment with my family. Perhaps next year, we can play a game where each team has to translate Dick Clark’s sentences word for word before the ball drops. The first team to translate all of his sentences correctly wins a bag of marshmallows and jar of peanut butter. However, this puts the leading team to a disadvantage for the next year. Once the 2013 eve show begins, they can only talk if they have a mouthful of marshmallows and peanut butter. Now that’s a New Years Eve tradition I can follow.

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  • Anonymous

    LOL! OMG This is so awesome!