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What The Hell Has Happened To Music?!

Posted by on December 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!

A couple of days ago, I went off on a bit of a rip about all the Christmas music which is being on the radio played these days. Apparently someone important read that article because for the past couple of days I haven’t heard much Christmas music at all…Unfortunately, I’m now reminded of the utter shit they’re pouring out over the air waves and now I’m not sure I want the Christmas music to go away at all.

I was in a shop today and the folks in the next shop over were playing a song. I could hear the auto tune through the wall. Jesus…

I don’t know whose idea it was to create auto tuning software in the first place but if I could figure it out, I’d hop into the way-back machine and slap the piss out of them, then make them listen to “Friday” by that useless sack of bones Rebecca Black. By the time the song was over, there’s a pretty good chance the guy working on it would have hung himself and then we wouldn’t have to hear this crap.

Unfortunately, I can’t figure out who came up with the initial idea and that means that any 2 bit hack with a microphone and a computer can record any other 2 bit hack wailing away like a dozen cats in a battle royale, then run them through some software and all of a sudden, all of the other 2 bit hacks who wouldn’t know music if it bit them in the ass think there’s a good song out there and they flock to iTunes to snatch it up.

Also, I partially blame Cher. The first time I ever heard a song with auto tune in it was her “hit” “Life After Love” and I distinctly remember thinking “The fuck is this? It sounds like the terminator trying to romance a toaster!”. The next thing I knew, T-Pain had a recording contract and the whole world has gone to shit since then.

This is why I love rock bands. REAL rock bands, though, not that Nickelback shit that appeals to tone-deaf housewives, but real rock bands who would beat a producer within an inch of his life if the guy even mentioned auto tune and would exterminate the guy’s entire bloodline if he used it behind their back.

Someone write a law making auto tune illegal and get it on the ballot. I’ll vote for it right now. Seriously. GO!

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