Nintendo Announces 2D Mario Game For 3DS. Wait, What?

Posted by on January 27, 2012 at 10:30 am

As Nintendo was briefing it’s lackluster financial results yesterday, president Satoru Iwata quickly announced a brand spanking new Mario title! The untitled game, which is supposed to be in 2D, will be released for the 3DS sometime next year. So let me get this straight. Nintendo is milking the Mario franchise (again) in 2D for an already failing 3D handheld gaming device? And they’re wondering why money’s going down the drain (cue pipe-entrance SFX).

Alright Nintendo, your Mario cow has been dry for over a decade. All you’re getting from that eroded teet is curdled cottage cheese and coagulated blood. I’m sure you’ve already realized that there’s no point in rebooting the series because lets be honest, plumbers fighting lizard turtles to save a princess is so passé and just plain f*cking weird. Here’s an idea for you: take a look at the indie scene, bribe one of many creative developers with your Mario money and publish some worthy titles. See how easy that was?

Finally, why are you making a 2D Mario game for the 3DS? First of all, the idea of a 2D game for a 3D device sounds stupid to begin with. Secondly, aren’t you already coming out with other Mario 3DS titles anyways? Let’s see what we’ve got coming soon — Paper Mario 3DS, Mario Tennis 3DS, Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games, and Luigi’s Mansion 2 (Ok, I know it isn’t a Mario game, but do we really need a sequel?). I’m sure the game will have gimmicky 3D gimmicky gimmicks that will only be comparable to The Beauty and the Beast’s rendition of 3D entertainment.

Well that’s my rant. Anyone else excited for Super Mario 2D 3DS?

Via Nintendo Everything

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