Paranormal Activity 4 Trailer Released Today
OH MY GOD, LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! RUUUUUN!
Cloud Atlas Six-Minute Trailer Reveals Tom Hanks And A Beautiful Mess
After watching the trailer, this seems to make the MOST sense.
Remember the Wachowskis? Y’know, the director duo who brought us both The Matrix and Speed Racer? They’ve been lurking for a bit, but together with Run Lola Run director Tom Tykwer they’ve now released a six-minute sizzle reel for their next project: Cloud Atlas. Somehow, I’m left with more questions coming out of it than I did going in.
The Watch Review: How Did Things Go So Terribly Wrong?
As I walked out of a showing of The Watch, I found myself wondering how a movie showcasing so much talent could be so aggressively mediocre and unfunny. Akiva Shaffer, one-third of the fantastic The Lonely Island and director of the criminally underrated Hot Rod, takes on directing duties; the screenplay comes from Seth Rogen and Evan Golberg; and the film stars Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade – all actors who have proven themselves capable of being hilarious in at least one or two roles in their careers. This again begs the question: How the hell is The Watch not the funniest movie of the past five years, and furthermore, why is it so goddamn boring?
Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai Review: Sometimes Less Is More
I think director Masaki Kobayashi’s Harakiri (1962) is the finest Samurai film ever made. Even better than the Lone Wolf and Cub films or Akira Kurosawa’s work in the genre. I’m sure any real film critics out there who may have accidentally stumbled upon this corner of the internet will be screaming for my head at this point, but I could care less. Harakiri (1962) comes as close as any movie can possibly get to being flawless, and I recommend it to anyone—even people who don’t care about Samurai flicks. So it almost goes without saying that maverick director Takashi Miike was left with some gigantic shoes to fill when he took it upon himself to direct the remake. Miike doesn’t improve on the original film, but to his credit, he doesn’t do the material an injustice either.
Jock The Hero Dog Review – Family Entertainment For Suckers
You won’t be this happy watching it.
Jack the Hero Dog is not a good film. In fact, it’s so cringe-worthingly bad that even my eight year old self would’ve hated it. This vessel doesn’t approach the quality of Disney, in fact, it stays clear of even Disney’s dreadful direct-to-video sequels, too. Based on a popular South African book about a gold prospector and his runt companion written in the same pocket of time as Princess of Mars, we don’t care about Jack the Hero Dog’s struggle in the African wild against vultures, former circus gorillas, and bozos and we definitely don’t care about the film.
The Girl From The Naked Eye Review
Caption here to be a caption. Has no real meaning.
I Don’t Understand WWE. Why Do People Watch It?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN.
I know my parents love me because I didn’t grow up watching WWE (or WWF, as it was called back then). Oh, don’t get me wrong, I watched a lot of terrible kids’ programming as a young’in, but I knew, deep down, I was still better off because I wasn’t watching “wrestling”. When I was challenged to my first fight in the fifth grade (no, it wasn’t really a fight, it was more like a ‘push the other kid out of an arbitrary space’ kinda thing), my opponent’s hype man handed me a piece of notebook paper with BRET THE HITMAN HART scrawled across it with a bulls eye, as if some kind of earth-shattering threat. (Later, he quietly wandered back to my desk and asked for it back so he could erase the vile design and use it for the afternoon’s math test.) He had, in effect, mortally wounded me, like a splinter to the mind, but only ironically: I still have no idea what the hell any of it means.
The Dark Knight Rises Review – Too Tight A Wrapping
This is the end of Nolan’s series. That’s it. There is no more.
In some parallel timeline, in some weird alternate dimension, Christopher Nolan is a watchmaker. He’s surveying hundreds of intricate components as they’re assembled in a specific order and then set into marvelous operation. I’ve seen every one of his films, minus Following and Insomnia, and it’s apparent that Nolan, without the help of Inception, is in the business of making cinematic puzzles that spend their running times being assembled and set off. He may be one of the past decade’s best directors, but there’s something in his approach that leaves his films feeling hollow, soaring right under what could be considered ‘art’. (I imagine this may be similar to Roger Ebert’s criticism of video games as art.) With The Dark Knight Rises, Nolan ends his Batman trilogy just as he had planned for the better part of a decade with a really good film, but we find less free-flowing cinematic energy here and more forgone conclusion as Nolan seems to have tied off this film a bit too tightly and this conclusion suffers for it.
Get the Gringo Review: Best Straight-to-DVD Release Ever?
Get the Gringo, written by and starring Mel Gibson, is perhaps the best movie ever made to miss a real theatrical release. I know that sounds like damning the movie with faint praise, but Get the Gringo is a surprisingly professional, polished movie. The catch, however, is that each person’s ability to sit through it will depend on his or her ability to stomach watching Mel Gibson on film. In fact, I suspect the only reason Get the Gringo was dumped off without a theatrical release is because of the star. I grew up watching (and loving the hell out of) Lethal Weapon, Braveheart, and The Road Warrior, though, so the man can do nothing in his personal life to make me just skip out on one of his action movies. I may not like Gibson as a man, but he knows how to make a decent movie. Get the Gringo is a grim, bloody, taut little film, reminiscent of Gibson’s work in the ‘80s, before he briefly attempted to go all family-friendly on us. Read the rest of this article…
Star Trek: The Next Generation Hits Blu-Ray Next Week, Never Looked As Good
The Enterprise-D wasn’t the most aggressive-looking ship, but it had the best crew!
Star Trek: The Next Generation was my Star Trek. Captain Picard was my hero, delegating and being diplomatic like no one’s business. He treated his staff as equals and while he wasn’t up for hot-rodding the ship like Kirk was, his strength was in his consensus-based management. Anyway, it’s been twenty-five years since The Next Generation debuted and it’s finally seeing its home in high-definition on Blu-ray discs. I was super excited about picking up the box set on July 24th (and various other dates around Europe) until I saw the price…
