Mama Review: Another January Horror Movie
The camera focuses in on a car parked in an upper middle class suburban neighborhood. The door is open, the vehicle empty. The car radio, tuned into to a local news channel, announces that a respected businessman has just killed his business partners and his estranged wife. A man rushes out of a residence, two young girls in tow, and they all bundle into the car and hit the road. They drive through miles of wintery terrain until the skid off the highway; then they climb out of the vehicle and wander through the wilderness until they find a cabin. The man drags the two kids into the cabin and sets a fire. After emotionally breaking down and sobbing, he removes a pistol from his jacket and approaches his daughter. He tells her to look away. Before he can pull the trigger, however, a gangly monster composed of emaciated limbs and hair grabs him and drags him away screaming. Cue opening credits. Sounds awesome, right? Well, it kinda is. And my description is utterly inadequate to describe the awesomeness of the first ten minutes of Mama. It’s just a shame that the rest of the movie doesn’t live up to that promise.
The Last Stand Review: Back Again
For the first time in a decade, Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in a leading role. And not only is he acting again, he’s starring in the sort of big, dumb, violent actioner that made him a household name as opposed to a horseshit like Batman and Robin or End of Days. The Last Stand, helmed by Korean director Jee-woon Kim, serves as Schwarzenegger’s carefully tailored comeback vehicle—a film that’s designed to remind us all why Schwarzenegger was able to become one of Hollywood’s biggest stars in the first place. The movie itself mostly works, but unfortunately, it also reminded me that the Austrian action hero’s glory days are behind him.
‘Gangster Squad’ Review: Violent Candy
A dash of that ultra-violence.
I enjoyed Gangster Squad for precisely the time it was on screen. There was no subsequent banter about its characters or its story, it simply ended and that was it. Gangster Squad succeeds because it’s a fun experience. Watching the square-jawed, ripped-from-your-typical-noir Sergeant John O’Mara (Brolin) assemble and deploy an off-the-books police team to kneecap Mickey Cohen’s (Penn) gangster operations is kind of a blast. But once the stakes raise and the tides turn and the balls bounce, the film’s flaws become a bit more apparent.
Zero Dark Thirty Review: In the End, They All Break
This is it. The wide release of Kathryn Bigelow’s Zero Dark Thirty unofficially marks the end of Hollywood’s prestige season. Now it’s back to bland horror remakes and inert action movies until the studios cycle back around to the big tentpole flicks of the summer. However, Zero Dark Thirty, Bigelow’s interpretation of the manhunt for Osama bin Laden, is a fine film for 2012 to go out on. It’s not the best movie of the year, but it’s another fine historical procedural in the vein of Argo.
Evil Dead Red Band Trailer Makes Me Want To Not See Evil Dead
A most terrifying movie you will ever experience, according to the marketers.
This came out nearly a week ago and no one dropped a note for me to take a look. That was probably for a pretty good reason. I’ve mentioned before that I’m looking for a pretty good horror flick and the field has been littered with the corpses of just terrible, terrible stuff. I have now seen this red band trailer, the most severe of all of the trailers, and I cannot unsee what I have seen. Also: I’ve included it below.
Mayhem! In This Article, We Watch Car Insurance Commercials
I’m the guy floating in the masthead image of that article you keep reading, over and over.
I don’t watch TV often. I watch TV shows, sure, but there’s something so different about sitting in front of a cable (or satellite)-enabled TV that’s a very different experience from watching it in full screen on your computer. First thing I noticed: companies really want you to buy auto insurance. You might not have even noticed it before, but I noticed it, like some vast conspiracy operating in broad daylight. I don’t know the logistics on why or how they pick to spend so many dollars on advertising on television ads, but they certainly did. I took some time to examine this strange field of advertisements.
Hyde Park on Hudson Review: What’s the Point?
By June 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt was in the midst of an affair with his sixth cousin, Margaret Suckley. Also in June 1939, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth, in an effort to convince the United States to enter World War II, traveled to Roosevelt’s estate in Hyde Park, New York. Other than the fact that both events were happening at the same time, what does the King of England visiting America have to do with the President fucking his cousin? Absolutely nothing. Which begs the question: Why was Hyde Park on Hudson made in the first place?
John Dies at the End Review: Just Read the Book
In 2001, author David Wong (whose real name is Jason Pargin) began writing an untitled web serial about two slackers who begin to see terrifying things after downing an alien drug known only as “soy sauce.” Since parts of the serial novel were autobiographical, Pargin changed the name of his protagonist to David Wong and the name of the best friend to John Cheese. The story was dark, twisted, frightening, and extremely funny. Reading it is like reading the collected works of H.P. Lovecraft crossed with Kevin Smith’s Clerks, but better. The online serial became a cult hit and was eventually edited into a 400 page novel and published under the title John Dies at the End. Wong followed that book up with a sequel this past year titled This Book Is Full of Spiders. Why am I giving all of this history on the books, you’re asking? Because you should read the books and skip the movie.
Check Out the First 4 Minutes of Warm Bodies
braaaiiinnnsss….
If you saw my last couple of articles, I mentioned wanting to see Warm Bodies. This movie is funny twist on the classic love story. R (the zombie) meets Julie and falls in love. Julie sees that R is different than the other zombies and through the relationship that forms, R becomes more human. It looks like it’s going to be a great movie. It’s based on a book with the same name. Check out the video below for a look at the first 4 minutes of the film. Warm Bodies is in theaters February 1st. Read the rest of this article…
The Top 20 Movies I’m Looking Forward to in 2013 – Part 2
I’m too fast for yall mane!
Part 2 of my top 20 movies I’m looking forward to seeing in 2013 continues on. Remember that these are not all the films I want to see this year. This is just the top ones, the ones I will wait in line for! Enjoy and let me know what you are looking forward to in 2013! Read the rest of this article…
