That’s Odd: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Kinda Sucks
The Dwarven Abercrombie & Fitch Calendar
Okay guys, I’m not a big fantasy buff. Yeah, I’m a super nerd, sure, but Lord of the Rings was simply never fascinating. I was a Fallout kid, not a child of D&D. I liked Star Wars, but not The Hobbit. Snooze. Despite my disposition though, I really enjoyed Peter Jackson’s films (and could, as a once-future animator, enjoy Ralph Bakshi’s version), but only in a well, I never need to see these again sorta way. It’s been nine years and after some legal issues/politicking at New Line Cinema, Peter Jackson has finally brought us The Hobbit, except instead of taking a brief approach to a brief book, they decided to expand it to an entirely new trilogy. Early reviews have not been kind on the new film (which holds a 69% at Rotten Tomatoes, nearly 30 points lower than any of the Lord of the Rings films) and I imagine the sequels are going to have an even harder time when they release next year and in 2014. What is the industry saying? Well…
Will Smith Plays Jaden Smith’s Dad In Post-Apocalyptic Film ‘After Earth’
Welcome to Earth! Now that’s what I call a close encounter!
Everyone, quick. Bring out your film/short film/cinematic adventures regarding a life after some terrible calamity, right now. At this very second. I was cheery about the Tom Cruise/Joseph Kasinski/M83 kickpunch-threat Oblivion from the moment I heard the three were working together. Now we have the debut trailer from Will Smith/M. Night Shyamalan/scribe Gary Whitta and despite some excellent bread in that trio, that lunch meat in the middle has gone rotten over the past few films. It’s seriously like mold in your pantry. Well, how does After Earth hold up in an initial preview? I’ve got an embed on the trailer below.
Tom Cruise Plays Wall-E In New Post-Apocalyptic Film ‘Oblivion’
War. War Never Changes…
Universal recently revealed the trailer for Joseph Kosinski’s (TRON Legacy) new film, Oblivion. Based on a graphic novel he co-wrote, the film will tell the tale of the last repairman on Earth, played by Tom Cruise, trying to scavenge the last vital minerals on the planet after an alien race has carved up the surface, Cataclysm-style. Of course, he finds Something Weird that drags him into a crazy predicament and totally warps his worldview. It’s dark, mysterious, and has plenty of special effects. Why am I so excited? Let me explain below (along with the trailer!).
Star Trek Into Darkness Teaser Reveals Sinister Villain, Far Too Much CG
“No, Captain Kirk, I expect you to die!”
Paramount has just revealed the first trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness, the sequel to 2009’s Star Trek, and it’s heavy on the cinematics. Both directed by the lensflare-happy J.J. Abrams, Into Darkness expands on the last film’s reboot/spinoff of the titanic science fiction franchise with a new villain (played by the apparently devilish Benedict Cumberbatch) and a newly-minted Captain Kirk. Admittedly, I’m not as hot on this flick’s reveal as I was the 2009 film, but why? Let me explain.
What The Hell Has Happened To Music?!
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!
A couple of days ago, I went off on a bit of a rip about all the Christmas music which is being on the radio played these days. Apparently someone important read that article because for the past couple of days I haven’t heard much Christmas music at all…Unfortunately, I’m now reminded of the utter shit they’re pouring out over the air waves and now I’m not sure I want the Christmas music to go away at all.
Netflix Secures New Partnership with Disney, Beating Out Cable Channels
I had to do it.
You know how after several months of a movie opening in theaters, you can catch it on premium TV channel’s like HBO or Showtime? Well Netflix just secured a deal with Disney to be the first ones to show these movies ahead of those other channels starting in 2016. Read the rest of this article…
Christmas Music – O’ Holy CRAP!
In the meadow, we can build a snow man…Then pretend that he is SHUT THE HELL UP!
Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again. The time when the leftover turkey is dwindling down to nothing, the kiddies are thinking of little else but the time they will be allowed to open all the presents which will be under the tree and, in many parts of the world, the snow is falling and covering everything in a gorgeous white blanket.
And, of course, the radio waves are filled to the brim with Christmas music…
‘The Walking Dead’ Review: Season 3, Episode 8 – “Made To Suffer”
What a twist!
If you’ve seen this episode, then your mind is probably still blown. Let’s dive into the juicy, rotting innards of The Walking Dead’s mid-season finale! As always: SPOILERS!
The Collection Review: Bring Out the Gimp!
Gaze into the eyes of cinema’s most forgettable serial killer.
I walked into a showing of The Collection operating under the impression that it was going to be an original horror movie. And yes, I understand the trailer looks like a horribly derivative Saw knock-off starring The Gimp from Pulp Fiction, but I only mean “original” in the sense that I thought this was the first entry in a new franchise. As it turns out, The Collection is a sequel to the 2009 torture porn flick The Collector, which somehow flew under my radar. Writer/director Marcus Dunstan penned both movies in addition to Saw V, Saw VI, and Saw 3D: The Final Chapter. So just to get it all straight: The Collection is a sequel to a derivative knock-off of a bloated, decade old torture porn franchise. That sounds somehow incestuous and wrong. Even for Hollywood.
Killing Them Softly Review: Dying of Boredom
Pictured: Talking. Not pictured: People being killed softly or otherwise.
Let me start by saying that I absolutely love hard boiled gangster movies; Hollywood has produced far too few in the past decade. So with great anticipation I awaited the release of Killing Them Softly. Andrew Dominik, the brilliant director behind the underrated The Assassination of Jesse James reteaming with Brad Pitt to film a violent gangster flick? And Ray Liotta and James Gandolfini are in the cast? What could go possibly go wrong? Well, the film can be a boring, plodding, goddamn mess for starters. Killing Them Softly is only 97 minutes long, but I feel like I just wasted four hours of my life at the cinema.
