Neil Diamond – Greatest Musician of All Time?
We’ve come to accept that the music industry treats our ear canals as their own personal toilet. Talent doesn’t come into question, nowadays, when signing an aspiring musician, all that is necessary is striking good looks in order to convince the easily manipulated amongst you that this hot new popstar actually wants to make love to your face…but only if you buy their CD. (I’m not thinking of anybody in particular whilst making such disparaging remarks, Justin Bieber) but to whomever may fit this category I’m about to school you on a true living legend, a musical behemoth, an insatiable lovemachine (just a guess but I mean, come on, nearly every one of his songs is about a different woman). That man is Neil Diamond. Read the rest of this article…
Goodbye Chuck
Ten Days. In ten days time one of the best, most underrated shows on television will make us laugh, cry and grunt in appreciation of Adam Baldwin for the very last time. That’s right, I’m talking about Chuck, and I’m going to miss it more than anything. Read the rest of this article…
Maddox Used To Have The Best Page In The Universe
The biggest thing I’ve learned working on FleshEatingZipper for the past year is that no man is an island and very few get to become internet celebrities purely by writing stuff. In those humble days before broadband internet and a little service called Napster had begun to seep into American homes, George Ouzounian (we know him better as Maddox) built and maintained a humble presence known as The Best Page In The Universe in which he crafted elaborate rants about whatever he absolutely despised that week. But as I mentioned, no man on the internet is an island, and Maddox’s moat-building skills leave his antics feeling dated, just like the counters he keeps on every one of his pages.
Why Did it Take Me So Long to Discover How I Met Your Mother?
I’ve heard of this show way before now but I never watched it until a few weeks ago. Why is that? The simple answer, CBS. For the longer version, we will have to go back a few years. In 2005 when the show came out I wasn’t watching much TV but rather playing games and trying to run a small business. I was also young being only two years out of high school. I probably wouldn’t have liked it to much then either. Read the rest of this article…
‘The Captains’ Movie Review – William Shatner’s Final Frontier
Did you grow up watching Star Trek like I did? Was Kirk, Picard, or one of the other, lesser captains of a titular starship or outpost a hero to you? Well, be prepared for William Shatner As Captain Kirk: The Movie, a film in which William Shatner can celebrate his most popular role, display his vast adoration for the crowds that adore him, and interview the subsequent Star Trek captains who hold reverence to him for allowing them to have jobs with incredible visibility. Do you get the hint that it’s self-serving, yet?
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Trailer, Need I Say More?
I’m a little torn here, part of me is like oh how cool and funny is that a Star Wars porno and the other part of me is like I don’t need a story line while I’m masturbating, just show me the boobs! From Vivid Entertainment and Axel Braun, the same guy who directed other classic porn parodies such as Batman XXX and Spiderman XXX cums Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody (I think that legally has to be in their, lulz). You know I’ll probably still check it out, I mean I’m a professional film critic so… Read the rest of this article…
Need All The James Bond? On The Blu-rays?
I hate this kind of stuff. When you have a film franchise, particularly one that you’re still adding installments to, it’s insanely stupid to keep seeing new compilations, remixes, and other arrangements of those films every few years, all marked as ‘the definitive edition’. With Star Wars, at least George Lucas is nearing the age where he graduates to a walker and can no longer formulate ways to destroy his own work. With that definitive Blu-ray release, you really only have to buy that set, ever. (Until they bring out the edition that features the original theatrical cuts.) These sets are fully equipped with big-ass boxes that don’t fit anywhere in your storage areas designed for amaray cases and will be rendered obsolete as soon as the new movie comes out and the new artwork arrives, they’re an atrocious monster that needs to be stopped. For the 50th anniversary of James Bond’s filmic debut, EON is releasing a ‘definitive’ Blu-ray set with the first 22 films armed and ready to go. Equipped with six Bond’s worth of movies from Connery to Daniel Craig (because he’s actually pretty cool), the set also includes 130 hours of behind the scenes footage, which is probably too much. Maybe. Enthusiasts only, please.
Source: Amazon
Overrated Actors #1 – Daniel Craig
Let me tell you, I am NOT a fan of Daniel Craig. If you show me somebody who says they like his body of work then I’ll show you a liar. When he got his breakthrough role in Layer Cake, I’ll be honest with you, I was bloody impressed. The way he portrayed a man who thinks he is better than the rest of us despite being an obvious scumbag, was, I think we’ll all agree, masterful. Almost as if, to prep for the role, he spent 30+ years living as an elitist dick, just to truly get a feel for what the role demanded. Read the rest of this article…
ABC’s New Years Resolution: No More Dick
Remember the time when Dick Clark was coherent and Ryan Seacrest was no where to be found? Yeah, me neither. But tradition is tradition, right? I guess that’s why ABC still thinks it’s a great idea to put Dick Clark in front of a camera and talk.
My Greatest Wish For 2012: The Kardashians Disappear
There’s an incredible irony here: by simply acknowledging that they exist, I’m perpetuating their existence. Just like The Game, once you realize it exists, you’ve lost. Still, I can’t help but make this my favorite wish of 2012: that their appeal and popularity will simply evaporate. While the modern example of the celebrity that exists because they’re a celebrity is decades old, think back to the Gabor sisters, it doesn’t necessitate their viability. The Kardashians, as Barbara Walters put it, have no actual talent. They don’t actually do anything. They simply exist. Perhaps if they were developing software, creating some kind of new art, or producing some other meaningful benefit to mankind, that’d be great, but as it stands, their lack of productivity means that it won’t be long until they’ve faded off the radar like Paris Hilton did several years ago. Unfortunately, the media enjoys giving them attention because the effect reciprocates: people watch (or read) about them and need an outlet by which to do so. Who knows how this chicken-and-egg story got started, but now that it’s in place, one will fail the other and they’ll fall into obscurity.
So, enjoy it while you can, Miss Kardashians. And Kris Humphries, let’s face it, you deserved everything that came with your botched marriage. What were you expecting, really?
